ooppsiedooppsie

new bloggie =)

2009-12-20T00:28:00.001+08:00

haloo.

2009-12-18T20:30:00.002+08:00

guess what.

i think i maybe quitting this blog. too much negativity in this blog. lots of sorrow and rintihan orang gila in this blog. i wana start a new blog with positivity. im trying to change myself. i dont wana become emo anymore. first of all, definitely i have to delete all the sad memory right.

i will put my new blog link in this blog as soon i created a new blog.

bye =)

long term mission

2009-12-13T22:26:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im planning to rejuvenate myself
after emo-ing for quite some time, i've realized that i've been wasting my life.

life is short and we should appreciate it instead of emo-ing.

so starting for now, i will try to look at things from the positive side. i will no whine up alone and emo and post lots of emo post at either facebook or blog.

things i wana do for myself

1. DIET DIET DIET DIET DIET. shu shu all those fatty fatty fats. i wana become a more healthy person and slimmer

2. start thinking about myself instead of thinking about other person whereas there's nothing gonna change in this short term

3.start studying harder for better result. i dont wana become a bimbo !!!!!

4. start spending time doing things that pleasure me the most

5. start blogging more often. i've neglect my blog for quite some time and pendamkan everything in my mind till i lost my insanity.

6.start spending more time with my loved ones.

7. start focusing on myself and things i want.

8. start thinking positively and healthy so that i wont harm my mind too much.

thats all for now.
okay. starting tomorrow i'll become a whole new person who look positively into life and being grateful with everything that i have.

bye

2009-12-10T20:56:00.002+08:00

im keeping myself from the outside world.
i want my sweet escape.
please time faster pass.
only time can heal things.
i just wanna be alone and figure things out although i know there is nothing i can do.

I WANT MY SWEET ESCAPE !!!!!!

at last

2009-12-07T13:45:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

it's been a while since i last updated my blog. i've been refusing to update my blog for quite some time for some reasons that i barely even know.

my life has been tremendously changed since second semester had started. i've changed into a more hardworking person. i can proudly say that IM A NERD now. studies has been getting tougher every each day. im strugling every each day to keep up with my studies. i feel time is so limited in my life. 24 hours in a day isnt enough for me. i just finished my chemistry and calculus test 1. well, i dont know how i did but i think i do better than how i did in my semester 1. even if i get bad result there is nothing to regret because im really work hard already. i wont be like how i used to be in semester 1 always saying i wish.

nowadays my life has gotten more complicated than ever. my mind is so confused. its like someone took out my brain then like kucar kacirkan my mind as tangled as possible. i've been feeling heartache for quite some time. my heart is really pain. i really feel like there is someone stabbed my heart as hard as they can then they will twist the knife as much as they want. my heart really feel ache nowadays and i hardly remember how's the feel of happiness already. i even forgotten when is the last time i feel happy. i just wanted these feelings to go. its so not nice feeling like shit all the time. i just want this to over soon. i really cant stand feeling like this. i really wonder what went wrong. why is it every single thing in my life has to be complicated ?.

omg. i think im gonna to lose my mind. i really hate this and i want it to over fast.

im not really in the mood to crapped already.

i know i sound like a really sicked people who just ran from tanjung rambutan.

bye.

2009-11-21T10:26:00.001+08:00

2009-11-07T20:08:00.000+08:00

2009-10-31T09:07:00.002+08:00

i woke up this morning hoping that it was just a dream.
however, its not no matter how much i wanted it to be.
i was thinking is it for real ??
the reality just hit me again .
its a fact and cannot be change.
i have to learn to accept it.
what can i do is look forward and concentrate on the future and do better next time.
but still, i feel so disappointed and angry with myself.
what went wrong ?
everything went wrong.
i dont know how to face it again in the future.

bye

2009-10-31T02:19:00.000+08:00

im such a big failure .

(fullstop)

IM SO EMO

2009-10-29T12:12:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im feeling so emo right now. i dont know why. i wanted say something but i cant. too private already. but somehow i wanted say it out loud. im so tired of this already. and i wont cry about it any more. its so confusing. im so confuse. i dont know what's in my mind. i feel so lost. i wanted to run and escape from everything but i cant. i have to be strong and face it. im a grown up girl already. no more running away from things and problems.

big sigh. seriously. i really feel emo right now. nothing can make my mood feels better. even IF sulee give me a very big gift from london, nothing gonna change. HAHA. ( hint for u, subulee. HAHA )

18 years of living and i have not accomplished much that I can be proud of. i always think that i grow up too fast but i mature too slow. when u know me, u will know that im a very immature biatch kononnya act independent and baik hati but actually im not. i dont know. im not proud of who i am today. i always do actions that harm and hurt my people surround me. i think i burden people's life too much also. especially my family and friends. there's nothing that i do in the past 18 years make me proud of who i am. im not happy with who i am. im wanting to change but somehow, something held me to be who i am always. i tend to do stupid things and i never seems to get why. my thinking is always impaired at all time. i dont think i appreciate myself and my life like how the others do. i think i've wasted my life. and sometimes, i think i being too selfish till i end up harming myself. i feel like running away from myself. myself is harming me too much already. and i think i gonna be psychotic biatch locked in tanjung rambutan plucking flowers petals saying he loves me, he loves me not. seriously. that's what im imagine right now.

i dont know. im feeling so emo. something make me emo. and i feel stupid. again. my stupidity is shown to the whole world.

u've seen another stupidity from me.

bye.

random post

2009-10-29T02:31:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

its already 2.40 am. and im still awake. i dont know why am i dont feel like sleeping. i do feel like sleepy and tired also but i dont know. something held me awake.

i dont know how to say this but i feel worry. too many thoughts in my brain now. well, i cant really say what's it about but im feeling worry. i dont know why am i worry and i hope i can stop worry. there's no point of worrying also right ? i dont know. but im feeling curious and worry sick !! i dont know.

ok. hols going to end soon in few days. i suddenly cant wait to get back to uniten. i dont know why. the few days before im like not wanting to go back at all. i know im weird. i always change my mind. maybe later a few days i will say i dont want the hols to end. blablabla. all those shit that i usually crap la. i cant wait to get a fresh kick start. and this sem, seriously, i wont be such a lazy bump any more. i will start to wash my clothes instead of bringing back to wash, wake on my own, do all the tutorial ques and WONT SKIP CLASS !!

suddenly im wondering. how come my post always long. i suddenly feel pity the my blog reader. have to menderita read so long. i also tak sangka that i can write that long. im not aware also that im crapping that much.

i suddenly feel blank. im not really in the mood to blog right now. there's too much in my brain. but not the things that i can say out loud. and i also dont even know whats in my brain. i just feel like my brain is thinking hard right now. yea i know. im weird.

im such a weirdo. bye.

in the crappy mood

2009-10-27T12:33:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

its already 12.30. and i dont know what im going to have for lunch. mum is out with big sis visiting grandma. i wanted to follow but mum wouldnt let so i also didnt go la. dah la tak dialu alukan.

im here again. dont know what am i going to crap but as im crapping this, soon or later i will be having something to say.

okay. lets see. maybe life wouldnt be that hard like what i thought. maybe life will be simple if i make it simple and consistent. think simple and less think about things that will never gonna be change. look at everything form the positive side and every perspective instead of one perspective. stop complaining and instead of complaining better i just keep my mouth shut and suck it up and just suit myself with it. if i know something that never gonna be change so why do i bother sulking about it. then if i could make some changes on my own why dont i make an effort to change everything to better. everything is about revolution. if we want something, we gonna go get it for ourselves. there's nothing come for free. its like how much effort u put on it, u will get the same in result. then maybe like that life wouldnt be that hard if we make it that way.

im only EIGHTEEN. and there's a lot waiting ahead for me. so if i didnt be strong enough to just get through all the difficulties im having now, i may not succeed and accomplished what i want in my life. i only will be a leech to my family and big fat loser who give up easily. everything in our life isnt just about ourselves. we shouldnt think just for ourselves. our life also involve around about our loved one especially our parents who works hard to support our studies just to see us succeed but somehow we always seems to forget about it and take everything for granted and think everything its about ourselves. and we always forget about them who is having high hopes on us and wish us well in everything and we take everything for granted and wasted everything just like that because we are big fat losers who are very selfish. so life isnt just about ourselves. so i should stop complaining how hard life is and just start being strong and go through it. and stop letting very small tiny thing get over me easily. yea. i should learn to prioritize. and at the same time try to have fun and stop being katak di bawah tempurung because my eighteen years old life is ending soon 3 months more =( . im going to be nineteen next year in 15 february 2010. and im not looking forward for it and im also not excited at all.

so life is actually fun and simple if we put it that way. dont take everything in life for granted. try to appreciate everything in our lives. work hard for what we want. its satisfying getting what we want after working our ass off for it.

ok. im done crapping here.

=.=

2009-10-27T12:00:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i wanted to blog about something but suddenly i feel blank. i dont know what to say. and as i am crapping out these things i have something to say.

hols is going to end in less than a week. sem 2 is going to start. have to check in back to ilmu on sunday. maybe will be going back early because need to clean the house, rooms and everything. suddenly i started to be in my comfort zone already. i didnt feel like going uniten although before this im like semangat berkobar kobar to get back to uniten. i feel so scare to start sem 2. once the sem is start then everything will be happening so fast then suddenly, ey another sem over again. then i will be seating the bus back again from library after final exam thinking back about what did i do the whole sem.

hols is going to end and i didnt do much in my hols also. i feel my hols is just wasted like that. i didnt apreciate my hols and when i will be having hard time at uniten i will be thinking back about how much i wanted this hols and wish that i could get back my kononnya boring hols.

sem 2 is going to be hard. but i promise to myself that i will be gonna work much harder for sem 2. i didnt want to take anything for granted already. i will start being independent. waking up on my own with the help of alarm although i really hate to wake up with alarm ring in the morning. so annoying !! but as im only planning but i cannot make sure it will happen as i wish. i know. maybe i will like bersemangat to wake up early for the first few days but a few days later i will be lazy to wake early already. then i will always be having self conflict and mood swings at uniten. everything says only easy. but when its happen i will barely can breathe also. everything will pressured me till i feel like killing myself. studies, test, quiz, self conflict, eating problem, financial and etc. arrghh. im not excited to start sem 2 already. suddenly, i can see the harm what uniten can do to me. okay. lets look at the bright side. i can swim =). i have good housemates and friends there. what else. stupid slow and poor internet connection ? then fattening food that can make u have heart diseases by the age 30. arghh. i dont know. im not excited to get back to uniten already. uniten can harm u mentally and also physically. arggghhh. FUCK UNITEN !!

i dont want to get back to uniten !!!

im obese, fat, plump, short !!

2009-10-25T00:44:00.009+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im getting fatter every each day now. and i cant see myself doing any effort to slim down besides blogging here complaining or complain to other people. arghhh !! everyone says im getting fatter. yea. i know and i feel so depressed. slimming down is like harder than calculus-ing. atleast u know hows your progress in calculus when u study calculus but when u try to slim down like 1 kg only, it will take for years.

i really fell depressed now. i hate it. oh gosh. its making me sad and really depress. i dont feel like buying clothes or trying on clothes because im fat ! im fat fat fat ! im a fat pig. i really want to slim down but i dont know how. argghhh. i think i need to get back to the cafe to work. but have to work for a month only get to can see the effect. arghhhh. this is killing me slowly inside of me. i really feel sad and depressed. arrrgghhh. why am i getting fatter !! the others didnt seem to get fatter also even though they stay at uniten and eating all those oily unhealthy food.

mummy !! i really want to slim down !. everyone says im fat. mummys says, meiyi says my arms look fatter, auntie says im short so i better keep fit now if not i will look horrible, poh teng asked me whether i have been eating alot lately, po says and even sonny also says. =( well, he didnt la exactly say that im fat but when i asked him he didnt answer me yes or no. so i know already la. if the people seriously think no they will definitely says no right ! arghhhh. im a fat piggy biatch now.

im so depress !! and i feel more depress when i see slim people ! arghh. i hate slim people. kill them !! then it wont timbulkan perasaan insecure and inferior feelings in obese people like me. pity people who are obese and fat u know. u dont know hows their feeling. but i know it very well. it really feels sad and depress.

i want to be slim.

dah la. stop complaining la. u know it wont get u any slimmer although u crap bertahun tahun at here. so go do some action la.

less talk, more action la fat biatch.

ok i need to ciao already. need to sleep early. will be going midv tomorrow with long lost found BFF, lawr. HAHA.

bye. i still feel sad and depress. =(

ps : hope liverpool will win the match tomorrow night. mu sucks !

i want this pair of boots !!

2009-10-25T00:27:00.002+08:00

i want this pair of boots so badly !! plus they are in pink color !!
i want i want i want i want !!
arghhh !!
=(

simple steps to self respect !

2009-10-25T00:07:00.001+08:00

Simple steps to self respect

Set goals
Exercise
Love yourself
Focus on fitness
Rest and relax
Eat right
Soul search
Play up the positive
Enjoy life
Care for others
Talk yourself up!

found it somewhere from other blog.

should i or shouldnt i ?

2009-10-23T23:14:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i feel like stop blogging. and i feel like deleting this blog. i dont know why. but i feel my blog is so stupid !! tak menarik also. i feel that i like to syok sendiri melebih only blogging too much about this la or that and my blog mainly about i talking crap yang really tak guna. and i also think i exposed too much about myself here. i tell my weaknesses here and now people know about it and using that against me. sometimes people also teased what i said here right to my face. like mengada punya orang. atleast i got the courage to tell my weaknesses out loud to the whole world.if u , u dare or not? bangang punya orang. and why do i want a blog if sometimes i dont feel like i got the freedom to crap what i wana say or meluahkan my perasaan. lots of things that i have keeping to myslef that i really want to tell it out loud but i cant because for the world peace sake. argghhh. why cant i tell it. if im telling it, im exposing myself again. u see. this blogging is making me in dilema. why do i blog also. why ? i dont know. to express my thought and spend my times like what am i doing now. or if not i will be lying down feeling bored. haiya. peduli apa lah. ikut suka hati only la. want to delete then delete only la. talk crap so much here for what. i think i should stop nuffnang-ing. i dont know. maybe la later i will delete all the stupid nuffnang ads from my blog. like menghodohkan only my blog and also like orang yang desperate and ingat blog sendiri hangat dikunjungi ramai. other blogger and nuffnang-ers please dont terasa. i was just saying myself only. ngek ngek ngek.

ok la. i ciao la. i also dont know what am i crapping here. i think i sasau already. arrrgggh. yea i think i sasau already. someone jangkit to me.

i gone sasau already la.bye.

cerita lapuk.

2009-10-23T22:34:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im kind of lazy to blog nowadays. actually i kind of lazy sitting down at the chair facing the computer and online. thats why during this hols, i seldom online and blog as much like i used to. but im in the mood to blog tonight and after a few nights of always sleeping early, i plan to sleep late tonight and blog one whole night.

i havent report my life before this like how i always used to. haha.

lets rewind back to few weeks ago where all of u can only feel tension in the air.

its first start with physics test 2 after one week of raya hols if im not mistaken. the physics test 2 was on monday 8.30pm til 10pm. i still remember very well that i entered the exam hall dengan penuh semangat balik dengan penuh kecewa. the test was damn bloody hard like hell. i cant do much ques in that test. and that night i cried. and i called poh teng to meluahkan my feelings. i also can remember that week was like hell for me. i felt so tension and stressed for no reasons. i feel pressured by my surroundings and some stuff or conflicts in my heart that i have been keeping for quite some time an i cried alot. then on saturday had physics lab common test and i didnt go home for that week. i stayed at uniten to study for finals. then after that one whole week spent at the library busy calculus-ing and physics-ing with ning and sonny. my two companion for studying. thanks to these two people very much. they had helped me alot not only with my studies but also with my life. ngekngekngek. haha. then come the finals. eng paper was okie expect for the summary as i dont have any idea how to do the summary and how to start the summary also. thanks to eng lecturer who always cancelled classes and didnt even finish covering all the syllabus. he didnt teach us on how to do the summary but i just like main hentam on how to do the summary only. but i dont know whether i do it right or not and i didnt even count also how many words i wrote and i think i had exceeded 180 words already. calculus paper was okie i think. i dont know i skipped some questions and when the test over i start to worry whether will i manage to pass my calculus or not. on second day of the finals were physics and computing skill papers. physics paper is so bloody tough. i didnt answer lots of ques. i only like answer 7 short questions and main hentam answering two questions and didnt answer one question. in part b, i give up answering four questions. i only answer two questions. then the two questions got alot of sub questions that i didnt answer also. i really scared and worry la. i dont know if i can pass my physics or not. i just pray hard to god that i will pass. computing skill paper was i dont know. i main hentam alot and just crap alot. i really dont know. i feel so blur when doing that paper.

after the exam finished, i did feel kind of relieved but not totally relieved. i dont know. i just dont feel in the mood. and i also dont really feel in holiday mood. everyone's happy because sem break has officially started right after the exam over. but i dont know la. i dont know what i felt at that moment. i feel like kind of regret. i dont know. i also feel like kind of blur. i like huhh ? one sem has over just like that only arr? so fast. i feel regret for not studying hard the whole one sem. i hope that i take my studies seriously and not take everything for granted. if something just over like that in a very short term then whats the wrong if i just suffered for that just short term. okok. starting sem two i will start studying hard everyday. i wont tangguhkan everything till last minute again like i did and i will learn how to be organised and more independent.i shall stop depending too much on the others already. im not a baby. then on that night, went swimming with housmates. so long already didnt swim together.

so sem break hols officially started on wednesday. on wednesday i packed all my stuff and went home. i feel like kind of sad when leaving uniten. cant see .... for two weeks =(. i didnt even get to see ... for the last time also before leaving uniten.

okok. this is all. for dont know how many weeks of story that i didnt update.

the end.

im so bored !!!!

2009-10-20T13:56:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im very bored right now. i really dont know what to do or what to start to do first. i should start unpacking my stuff and clear my messy room. i feel like hardly can take a deep breath in this room. i wonder why do i have a dull and unexciting ife like the others. my life is so boring. i cant go out much. mummy wouldnt let me. even like i go out once in this hols, she already said i went out so many times already. like huhhh ? crazy wan r. like that also consider alot. if go out then i have to have money but i dont have the money because im very brooke right now. then, dont ever bother think of asking mummy. i know what she will say. then if got money got no transport. then if everything settle, there is no one to go out with me. everyone is busy with their life. no one bother to catch up with me =(. i know i sound very pathetic and i am pathetic. my life is so dull. i feel so sleepy already. see. what i can do one whole day is just sleep, sleep and sleep. then by this way, my day will pass fast so i wont feel the boredom so much. ok lets start appreciate the hols. see what i can do much to help myself and mummy. thats what mummy wants right. want me just to stay at home 24/7 helping her or being her good obedient nerdy child study one whole day. yeah. that day she told me that and she ask me to be a nerd so that i can get better marks. crazy la she. nerds doesnt mean clever. if bookworms yes la.

what am i suppose to do now ? i dont know la. i really feel bored. what i did in these few days is just sleeping and listen to air supply songs. right now i kind of into all these olides songs. i like air supply, bee gees, the carpenters and stevie wonder. their songs are great. when i was in high school, i found all these kind og songs in big sis lappie and start listening to it. but then i think all these songs are yuck. haha. but then now, i changed my mind. i think all these song are great. only classy people appreciate and listen to classic and oldies music. =)

i feel so bored ! ok ok. i go and start unpack my stuff right now. i will be back to crap again later.

bye.

i seriously given up !!

2009-10-19T12:24:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

after for days searching for new blogskin and i cannot find any, i GIVE UP !!. guess that i need to stick with this blogskin forever or change back to the typical blogger template. so i just stick with this one only rather than using the blogger template that is very unattractive. it's really frustrating la cant find the blogskin that we realy wanted. whenever we click the pages with high hopes hoping to find the blogskin that we really like but then in the end u will just end up feeling disappointed.

currently, im very lazy to blog. not really in the mood and obsses to blog like last time. my brain has run up of ideas which will never happen before. i've been very lazy ever since the sem break holiday started. all i've been doing is just sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, eat, eat, and more sleep. yeah. i know i sound like a pig. i sleep early in the night and wake up late in the morning and when i woke from sleep, i will staright away go to attack my kitchen and grab whatever foos i can reached like orang gila tak makan for days. even after onlining doing nothing much for like fifteen minutes, i will feel sleepy and faster run to bed and sleep. yeah. i know i sound like a total pig.

i didnt even unpack my stuff yet after coming back from uniten. the room is so messy. hall is so dirty. need to clean it up soon. especially my messy room. if depends on meiyi while i was away to clean the room, u need a miracle to happen. she pun another pig yang kononnya nak spm this year couldnt be bother much to clean the room. whenevr u ask her why didnt she clean the room, she will answer the room is not dirty pun. zzzz. so tak payah la nak harap on her.

should i write down a list of what i should so during hols. i dont know. i feel that my hols is very boring and u know what. i cant wait to get back to uniten. yeah, i know i sound like orang tak tahu bersyukur ada holiday for two weeks tak tahu nak hargai. but i really do miss uniten. and i feel so enthusiastic to start sem 2. better than the semangat i first enter uniten la. like dengan hati yang tak rela. i dont know why. but i miss uniten so much already. i also very miss ilmu, my hostel. and i kind of scared to start the new sem. sem 2 will be much harder. i wonder can i even survive or not. i dont know. and my new timetables sucks !! all my classes starts at 8 early in the morning and i have 3 hours class on fri !!! thats mean i have to wake up on 7. then i dont have any friends in my new class. except rooben, the super tall guy, sonny friend, that one also same phy class only. im so jealous of sulee, ahbui and sonny. they all in the same class.arrrggghhhhh!! not fair !!! ning ning also not in the same class with me. i wonder whether i can survive or not without her. but kind of good also what not in the same class with them. if i want to skipped class not like anyone will scold me or know. HAHA. then its also my chance to learn how to stand on my own feet and stop depending on people too much like how i did in sem 1. i keep on depend on ning ning, sonny and boon chuan. for god sake la, they also need to take care for themselves, then need to take care of me pulak. so menyusahkan people only la me. always become people burden only. okok. sem 2 i will start studying hard, rajin go class and do all the homeworks like tutor. hope i will do what i say.

okok. enough with all these crap.
i feel like eating again !! bye.

so frustrating la !!!

2009-10-18T00:16:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i feel so frustrated right now !! why cant i find any nice blogskin. arghhh. i feel so frust. i've been searching for new blogskin for one whole day already and i cant find any. arghhh. u see. i've been refused to blog for the past few days although there its lots in my mind and lots of uppdates in my life, but i dont feel the urge to blog whenever i open my unattractive blog. so, blogskin do influence my mood to blog. i dont know how on earth also i can use this blogskin. i prefer my robotic blogskin better. i want it back !! i dont know whether i still keep its file or not.

ok, there's been lots of things happen in my life lately. i dont have the time to blog in these few weeks because of final exams. studies had occupied most of my times and the place where u only can find and see me is the library. i will be at library from day to night busy calculus-ing or physics-ing. glad its over already. but now my main concern is can i pass ?. the moment im doing the exam papers i already know whow well i do or how bad i do. and all i know is i did very badly. im very worry for my physics.

ok la. i will blog about this later. i feel so dizzy right now. and i still feel kind of frustrated that i cannot find the blogskin i wanted.

*end*

it's gorgor birthday

2009-09-30T22:31:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY
BOON CHUAN GOR GOR !!!!

sorry because i didnt give u any suprise. i really feel like adik yang tak guna. im so sorry !!!

hope that u enjoy your 18th birthday and get whatever u had wished.

i will be giving your present later. the longer u wait the bigger the present. sorry for keeping u waiting long. kind of broke right now. im sorry that i didnt give u any suprise. hope that u enjoyed your 18th birthday. =)

hope that u are happy always and come no matter what, u will get through it. =)

u see. im writing in blue. u like blue color right? ngekngekngek. ;p

=(

2009-09-30T12:40:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i hate when this is always happening.

when u thought u have everything in the world and start feeling very grateful of it, then suddenly everything starts to disappear and u left with nothing.

when u thought u' re already on top of the world, come whatever and no matter whatever circumstances, u will manage to overcome it but then something far more worst than u expected come crushing u just like that making u feel like a big fat loser and failure and u feel like giving up only.

when u are feeling down, there is nothing u can do besides be patient, strong and keep telling yourself that
everything is going to be fine, but then u waited and waited but there is nothing happen and things just get even more worst.

when u try to be strong but there is nothing helpful and u feel so hopeless and alone.

when u thought someone got your back, then come no matter what, u know that the person will always have your back but then suddenly the one person just started missing like that. and when u feeling down, the person is not there for u anymore.

when u think that u are happy but actually deep deep in your heart u know that u are actually very unhappy.

when every night u try to sleep, but then when u cant sleep u start to think of unhappy things and u start to cry yourself to sleep.

when u feel like u love the person so much, but then the person put u down.

when u hate to be emo and try to stop being emo but u cant because u let the feeling get over yourself.

yea, i know that this post is very emo. but this what i really felt right now. and i feel like crying when im blogging about this. i really miss u and u. where are u? why u guys no more longer be with me like how u always do. i really need your support now. im feeling down to the maximum already. nearly thinking of dying already. if u know who u are, i hope u know how i feel now and i really NEED u right now especially NOW.

*end*

pet society is fun

2009-09-26T21:30:00.006+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i like to play pet society very muchie right now and im obsess with my own pet. her name is aggy and i dont know what she should be. whether a cat or dog or a cute bear. i dont know. i have no idea. i just created her and she is pink in color. and if u know me well, im like kind of into pink color stuff.

now im back to uniten already its like kind of hard to play pet society here because the internet connection here very slow. so i cannot play pet society here. and my aggy is very broke. i dont how should i earn more coins. what i normally do to earn more coins are like doing the tasks, playing ball, skipping rope and throwing frisbee. how am i supposed to earn more money beside all these?. i want to buy more fancy pink color stuff, furniture and clothes for aggy. when i see other pets houses and clothing are nicer, i feel jealous.

okok. some pics of aggy from pet society album. im like rajin take her pics. i dont know why. hehe.

i also like to pics of her especially when she is falling down. haha. evil owner. shee looks very cute. i feel like squeezing and pinching her la. the way she giggle is also very cute.

my aggy is so cute =)

*end*

stuff that i need to let it out loud

2009-09-25T21:51:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

every time when i wanted to post something i dont what title i should write. again. this is just another crap. what title i should write. i used crappy post title alot of time so i had to think something new. but i dont know. fuck the title la. can i just left it blank. no. the post will be nicer with a title. whatever, i'll figure it out later.

ok. lets see. i've been feeling so moody nowadays. not that im feeling mad at someone or someone make me moody. i dont know, the feeling is just there. i think i know why. its because i have depression. i think i depreesed myself too much but i cant stop because all the voices in my brain. yea, i know. i sound like a pesakit yang baru larikan diri dari hospital sakit jiwa. but i dont know why i feel so moody nowadays. i let everything get over me so easily like today, just because i wanting to squeez all meiyi's blackhead from her face, but she doesnt want me to, then im like merajuk with her nak balik uniten tonight. she always got this kind of tak sampai hati feeling whenever im going back to uniten so im using that against her. but then i tak jadi wana go back tonight because big sis is using the car tonight. so maybe, im going back tomorrow night. i dont know. well depends la. maybe later tomorrow morning after wake up from sleep, i forget about everything already. i dont know. but actually somehow i dont know why i really cant wait to get back to uniten. i miss my hostel so much. i dont know why. and i've bought tikar plastic to put in the hall so that afternoon i can sleep in the hall, and i bought lots of foods already and i cant wait to put it to the kitchen cupboard and i dont know what else. im also kind of miss my housemates. i cant wait to see them. subulee, ningning and da pei gu a.k. fuibuiling ! HAHA. i dont know why i like to call fuiling names but i like. i called her ahbui, ling ling, da pei gu and pat po. i cant remember of what any name i call her already.and i called her boyfriend ahlong and i claim that her boyfriend is working ahlong. omg. i miss her so much. i miss my second family.

actually i wanted to go back to uniten beacuse i want to have sometime being alone. i dont know why is my brain feel so disturbed and feeling moody all the time. thats why, i want to find some peace by being alone like all by myself and no one else.

now im having a very big self conflict in me that is my weight problem. im so hating my body. now i look like human yangtidak boleh dikenalpasti whether im a girl or boy because of my mohawk hairstyle but then when u see my boobs u will know that im a girl who is tomboy which IM NOT. i just happen to like to cut short hair only. thats all. i dont know why during holidays i always tend to cut hair.especially when i see aggy.okok. enough with the hair issue. now im a girl who have very short hair, maybe i look almost bald from my side, super chubby face like pear shape, big boobs, obnoxious things yang sangat berlemak, short legs and tiny feets. what else do i miss. nothing already?. im only 156cm u see. i always think that when im growing taller, my body will look fine but until now i have waited, i still didnt grow any taller. so i give up on my height. instead of hoping to grow taller, better i go slim myself down. currently i weigh 53 kg already. last time i weigh 50 kg when im working. i want to slim down to 45 kg if i manage la. if i dont 48 is also enough. wow, i need slim down 5 kg arhh ? haiyo need to put in alot of work la. how wana diet la?. the food at uniten is so friggin unhealthy. i think starting monday, i will be eating maggi or spaghetti only. no more outside foods already. then i also can save my money. haiya. i say only because when after class i will be like so super hungry like orang tak makan for 5 days and cant wait to get home to eat then i will go coe foodcourt and attack all the gerai there. how ? if i want to get back to home to eat i have to wait till two. if i dont wait to get back to home, i will eat at 11 because i have an hour break at 11. how la. can tahan meh till two ? i dont know. maybe can gua. orhh lunch eat outside dinner just eat maggi. cannot la. not intensive enough la my diet. im trying to cut down 5 kg from my weight. haiyaya.

im so dead la now. physics test is on monday night. its like another 3 days more from now. i still havent study chapter 9 and 10 finish yet. i dont know why am i like kind of lazy to study these two chapters. i've been dragging to start studying chapter 9 since the pass three days. i dont know why. these two chapters la is the hardest. dah tahu hard start la study hard on this chapter. then when during exam cannot answer question, balik rumah emo sampai nak separuh mati. very stupid la me. dont know how to priotise things sometime.

okok. i have done crapping here. back to my physics study now.
bye.

fuck today

2009-09-24T23:52:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im so lazy want to blog nowadays. i got lots in my mind that i need to pour out but i cant because im too busy either with my physics study or onlining siang siang hari entah buat pape. if im not studying i will be out somewhere la with mum. im not allowed to go out with friends because mummy said i spend too much already. she is like really really angry whenever i talk about money so i dont dare to argue with her about going out. dala if go out also need to ask money again, then she will be more furious la. like today, i just said i wana cut hair only then she like haaa. spend money again !!!! so im only allowed to go out when she is going somewhere. better la. can spend money at the same time without asking her money.

haiyo. today is a stupid day. lets see why. morning i woke with uneasy feelings. then i see mummy and papa are not in good mood then my mood also spoiled because i will be going with them later but then their mood like that also dont feel like going out. if not because i need to print out my cmpf assingment and buy cd i will definitely wont be going out. then later when having lunch at somewhere i mistakenly take pork because i thought it was chicken. then papa like looked at me so angrily because pork and chicken pun tak tahu nak differentiate ke ahmoi !!! haiyoyo. then im like so panicked because once taken already u cannot put it back. then lucky mummy and meiyi saved me. they help me to eat the bloody pork la and i went to order chow kuey teow because mummy dont want to help me to order and she asked me to order it myself. she said im big enough and need to learn how to survive at chinese people world where all the chinese only speak chinese. then im budak bangan gila sial tak guna mother language pun tak tahu nak cakap like terhegeh hegeh trying to tell the guy that i want char kuey teow only put kuey teow. that guy like give me a weird look and said okok. then suddenly he come to me he give me bungkus char kuey teow. that make papa even more irritated with me. then this meiyi suddenly like make my life harder suddenly say wana cut hair then suddenly say dont want cut. then im like haiyo want cut just cut only la. think so much for what. then finally she cut it lor. then i also get my mohawk haircut and i feel happy about it. i've been wanting mohawk haircut for so long but i didnt dare to cut it because of some particular reasons like i scared my face look too fat or i wanted to keep long hair back and whatsoever la. finally i fuck all these reasons and just go ahead to cut mohawk ! and im liking so very muchie. why didnt i cut it a long time ago.

then when im back home i took a nap because i slept last night of studying physics and woke early this morning. then when i woke up from sleep big sis is like so irritating and i dont know what is her damn problem like tiba tiba je. then im like so hating her in my heart and pergi makan hati sorang sorang kat bilik. when already 6 i came out to watch chinese drama. then went out for dinner at sg.chua. ate till like so bloody full and i feel like vomiting. but i cant and i had to force myself to eat finish because if not all the food will be wasted.

then just now im like makan hati alone again because cant get to use the internet again. then i finally protest and i get to use it then when im using it happily, tiba tiba ada orang bangan sial gila nak mampus suddenly spoil my mood. the people punya perangai macam cibai betul la. im so pissed right now.

and im also pissed because i didnt chat with my orang sial at all today. like everyday we will talk to each other. where is my orang sial ni ??

i dont know why am i tend to speak malay and i dont know why i feel so irritated when there is unknown people left me message at my chatbox padahal my closed one yang hari hari datang see me emo pun tak bother left some message to ask me to cheer up except boon chuan. u all semua tak guna la. no offense here but seriously la. and i really really hate to see unknown people left me message at my chatbox. i dont know why. i do want more people to come to my blog but then when some unknown people left me message i feel so annoyed. why huhh ?? im so bloody weird la. even me myself dont get what i want sometimes.

haiyo whatever la.im so pissing. where is my orang sial ??!!.

useless me !!!

2009-09-22T01:20:00.003+08:00

im a useless selfish brat who only think of my needs and always prioritized myself first.

omg.im turning into a shopaholic !

outing on sunday, 20 09 09

2009-09-22T01:14:00.003+08:00

not much pics taken la.

i miss out taking pics with pui, sokeyinyin, pohtengteng and pingping also. HAIYA !!

to be continue....

im so bloody moody right now, can someone please kill me

2009-09-19T23:57:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i feel so bloody moody right now. i feel like everything in front of me is pissing me like really make me feel so pissed. my mood to shop tomorrow already ruined. then when i try to talk to other people, its ot helping. somehow, they make me feel more pissed and i feel bad for feeling pissed at them. haiyaya. why is this happening. pms is it ? i also dont know la. out of no where only feel like that. maybe because i feel like kind of stressed because i really try my very best to study physics somehow, i dont get what is it trying to say. then i feel like so sleepy and i really wanting to sleep but i cant, its still early la. haiyoo. i really feel moody right now. nothing can make me feel bettter even talking to him also doesnt help. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

haiya whatever la. since evrything is not helping better i go and sleep only la now and get rady for tomorrow. tomorrow will be a nice day to shop but go no sale already le. well not sure about that but i dont think so got. whatever, i still feel bloody moody. why la why la why la why la. i dont know la. haiyo mama. im so moody till i feel like i dont know ...

ok bye. u are so not helping also. the feelings are still there !

holiday !

2009-09-17T15:16:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,

raya holiday has officially started for me starting this moment thursday, 3.18 pm.

but however, i dont really feel that thrill also. i got physics test 2 just right at the first day after the raya holiday ends. then, its at night pulak tu. like so not in the mood to test la. haiya. why la these people so clever pick such a wonderful time for test la. then its physics some more , if calculus also kind of relieved. i did really really badly in physics test 1. i dont know la whether the problem is me or what. because the questions memang susah tahap cibai. ok la. i think its both la. its me and the questions memang hard. other people can do so why i cannot do la. i dont know la. rally hard la all these studies. so freaking pressuring me. i hardly can relax already nowadays, my heart always thumping very fast when i think about physics test 2, physics common lab test and FINAL EXAM...

like omg. all these cannot give me a break for a while r ? like suddenly all come rushing to me like tsunami. i like tengah lewa relaxing like suddenly get shock and my artery wana pecah already i think because of the pressure is too high.

i dont feel like in holiday mood because after holiday, there will be physics test 2, then after that during holiday, i wont be in the mood of studying. then its holiday, i want to go out, but my poket tengah kering la. mummy wouldnt give me money to go out. plus, i will be sleeping all day long at home as i cannot really get my sleep at uniten. then, not able to see him for a week =(

haiyo why all these come at the wrong timing la. with my inner conflict pulak tu yang semakin hari semakin complicated. i cannot see how am i gonna survive by going through all these conflicts and pressure cause by studies.

someone save me. i know who can save me. he's like the only one who can help me in my studies and also my inner conflicts. somehow, i only willing to tell him everything and i will feel better after talking to him. i also dont know why, but he is also like my pemangkin semangat to study. can i bring him home with me during this holiday please ?

haiyo. haiyo. instead of haiyo - ing better i start to clean my room for a better environment to study for test and final exam. and also, i dont know why my room feel so congested la. like my mind. no la. i think my mind is more congested.

good part of the holiday is, getting far away from people who make me so arghhhhh, escaping from whatever problem, mind and soul cleansing and meeting all my FRIENDS. miss u all so muchie !!

a week at home, 24/7 access to the internet connection because big sis went to phuket already. so got no people berebut with me for the internet !!!!! =)

yea yea. whatever. start cleaning your room la.

*end*

oh NO !!!!!

2009-09-16T19:10:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im so hating it when this always happen. u see usee. AGAIN ! when u always notice soething or feel good about something then suddenly everything will just suddenly disappear *pooff* just like that.

yesterday, i just feel so happy, and everything all, in short word, good mood, then somehow today im feeling so arghhhhhhh !!! why is this always happenning la. haiyo. then i really try my very best to look at things positively, somehow, something really irritates me !!!

why is this happening ? ok la. maybe i should just spend more time with myself. haihh. i feel like so long that i didnt crap with people like one whole day long. i feel that im so alone here. i wanting to share something but there is like no one to share with. i want to talk about him, and smile the whole day, then talk about well, gossips and stuff like that la. haiyo. suddenly, im so missing po. po where are u ? well actually im like bitching with her right now about someone that really get onto my nerve today. if can i feel like giving a big slap to that people la. so bloody annoying !!!! never mind la. holidays is coming. its time to clear my mind and soul. well, i guess that maybe escaping for one whole sunday afternoon isnt enough.

but got no time to escape la. need to study for physics test 2 and physcis common lab test.

ok la. whatsoever la. this isnt going anywhere. i just go and bitch at my private blog now. i didnt blog my private blog for ages already now.

what an annoying day !

:)

2009-09-15T23:00:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

thank goodness im feeling kind of great the beginning of this week. last week, my mind is always occupied by something and i feel moody, down and confused. i feel like my mind is clearer this week. i didnt feel like my mind is that occupied by something like last week. i feel like kind of relax this week. unlike last week, i feel so stress because of calculus test 2 then with some inner conflict. im so worry that i would do badly again in my test 2. so i study like hell, get all the help that i can get from people.

thank u sonny and boon chuan for your help in my calculus study !!

today i feel like kind of happy. i finally start to let go something and try to look at things at different perspective and i feel relieved. i have my own space now. i dont go bugging other people in my life and stop depending much on other people already. then,im like spending much time chatting with someone. i dont understand where do we stand now. its like kind of confusing. we like always spend so much times chatting with each other either through fb or sms. then, i dont know, we like kind of can talk about almost everything and have good chemistry. and i like sometimes that he really like make me laugh although the thing he said is really stupid or doesnt make sense and somehow, really menyakitkan hati. i dont know. i wonder how does this work. maybe my feeling for him is just i dont know. maybe because we like always chatting with each other then i like feel what. haiya ! i dont know how to describe la ! its so confusing. we do always chat with each other always, then when i think i know him, but actually the truth, i dont know him at all. he is like totally different form what i thought. well, not that different. i dont know la. im just suprised that ... haiya. i dont how to say la. well, humans are unpredictable.

ok so what am i trying to say is i think im falling for someone who really really got chemistry with me for the first time but somehow, i dont know how is it suppose to work. although we have the chemistry, i think that we both are from different world.. but i think i never felt for someone like this before.like really really everything can talk about, then dont need to worry or think twice before talking.dont bother whether i look like a fool or what. haiyo. all these things la. i dont know how to talk about this la. like so .... i dont know but yet confused ! and i really wonder and thinking hard what is his feeling actually, what he has been feeling about all these things. so confusing !!!

im very happy yesterday and today. well, its just the beginning of the week. so i cannot predict what will happen the next day. but i hope that evrything will be fine in this week. i suddenly like get a new breath after thinking and escaping form everything last sunday afternoon. i suddenly think about everything throughly and i cannot find any solution. maybe there its no solution for every conflict im having. i just need to look at things form the positive side because there is nothing much i can do. so instead of emoing and make my face get lots of wrinkles at such a young age, better i take a deep breath, close my eyes and think how grateful i am in this world. dont need to make my brain more pressure and heavy for keeping too much nonsense things inside.

i dont know why, but suddenly i feel like i got new breath. i dont know how to say this. i feel the burden i have been carrying suddenly lifted away from my shoulder. i feel like healthier and happier already but however, i still feel that im a fat biatch ! hehe. i want to start exercising but i dont how am i suppose to do, i also dont have the time.

i think i have done crapping already.

k. bye.

*end*

i felt like a big bully

2009-09-13T13:59:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i have done something wrong and now my loved is hurt. i feel like a big bully. my actions and words make someone heart broken now. i dont feel nice at all. i wish i can take it back what i had say or done. i rather hide and keep all these nonsense all to myself and makan hati sendiri rather than i felt bette a bit after letting it out and see other people start to feel miserable. why cant i just do that. whhat is the wrong with me la ?. cannot think before doing something. well. actually i never thought things could turn out like that. im just wana tell how i feel and let it out. but now, i rather hide and keep all these feelings to myself as i see no point of doing this and only see other people get hurt. its not nice to see someone we love feel sad because of our words or actions. omg. things are getting more complicated right now. i wish i could think twice before doing something now. now, i can never take back what had happen and it will gonna haunt me my whole life. see. again. i make things get even worse and now it will get more complicated. haiyo. sometimes can i just keep everything to myself for once. evrything also must tell out loud. there is no harm for keeping everything to yourself wan la? i feel so pissed and annoyed with myself. i really feel ............. arghhhhhhhh.

if la i can take back everything of i have done, be more open minded and think things from other perspective, and also get my ownlife ! stop depending on the others too much already.i cannot die if im alone so why am i so scared to be alone. i still have the others with me. just that i always seems to forget that.

now what i have done, i will never can take it back, i just have to live wit it and try to fix it back altough i dont know how.

somehow, when i feel something is broken, we will never get to fix it back.when we fix it back, it will never get to be the same. i wish i never break that something.

ok la. i think i should stop here before i crap something that over the border line.

*end*

i think im crazy already

2009-09-12T15:11:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

right now, i have so much in my head. i dont know why i cannot stop thinking and i even bring my thinking to my sleep. that's why i always get lots of weird stupid dreams and i dont sleep well or get enough sleep.

the 'revolution' that i set for myself didnt seems to work. i like cakap je melebih but i didnt do anything. im so angry, devastated and disappointed with myself.(haha).nowadays i have lots of thoughts in my mind and all these thoughts make me feel like going crazy. and everyone this week seems to get on my nerve always. i feel like the world is against me. i dont know why i feel like that. it's a weird feeling. then when i get back home, i suddenly feel relieved and big burden has been taken off from my shoulder. this whole conflict thing seem complicated right because it is and me myself actually dont know what is happening inside myself.

ok. i dont know why is it like that but there is something bothering me for so long but i didnt let it out loud to anyone or my blog like i always do. i really wonder why do i feel like that. im not supposed to feel like that. i so hate the facts that i cannot control my own feelings and no one there to listen or help me. i feel like so alone !! everyone always think that im happy, easy outgoing person but actually that is a show that i always to put everyday so that no one would know what am i thinking or feeling inside me. and it also like an escape for me so that i would not whine up alone myself thinking about whatever stupid thoughts in my bloody brain yang suka fikir yang bukan bukan. arghhhh. now i hate thinking. last time i think thinking is good for me because it makes me aware of my surrounding and look things at different perspective. however my habit of thinking has gone over the borderline. now i think about every single stupid tiny tiny thing. i dont know why i always let stupid stupid tiny thing to get over myself. see now what happen. suffering inside and all these stupid thoughts are killing me slowly inside me.

i wonder, why on earth we cant control our thinking ??!!!!! why why why why why why why why huhh ??!!! thinking suppose to be good but now, i think excessively and it has to be stopped. it makes me feel like going crazy !!! i wanted all those stupid tiny voices to get out from my head. all those stupid voices make everything that is very simple become complicated. arghhh. i think the way of my thinking is harming me and its killing me slowly !!!!

omg! i think there is something wrong with me !!

HELP !!

arghhhhhhhhhhh.

im done here.i give up.this not going anywhere.it will always stay in my mind.i just have to pray hard to find my inner peace and then die peacefully.

*end*

2009-09-12T01:37:00.000+08:00

suddenly feel the urge to blog

2009-09-07T16:29:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

yesterday i slept at 5 because of calculus then i woke up at 9.i dont know why i cant sleep long.its like a habit already to wake up early no matter what time i sleep.i think i have sleeping disorder.i tend to feel tired easily every single day no matter its weekend or weekdays.i dont know why.when i try to put myself to sleep longer but i cannot.then when i take nap, after nap i will feel extra tired and drowsy.then when i am trying to get my beauty sleep, i will always be having very very weird dreams.and all these dreams really bother my sleep.i wonder how to stop having dream while we are sleeping.is there anything wrong with me ? i never ever didnt dream before when im sleeping except when im really really tired.

but when i cant sleep, i try to study calculus, but when im studying i feel tired.how la ?i feel so irritated and annoyed by my own body system here !

i so hate my body right now.i have big boobs, short legs, fat obnoxious thighs, big tummy and small feet.im so hating it !.i want to diet and i will start exercise excessively.im so determined already.everyone said that i look rounder after i enter uniten.ohh.the food at uniten is making me fat !i also have eating disorder and i dont know how to adjust my eating timing.

haih.i feel that my life is so unorganized and unhealthy right now.my eating habit is so unhealthy.i dont take breakfast,even if i do, i will be like eating only two pieces of sesame biscuits on my way to physics class.then i usually take my lunch or brunch at 11.but on wed i will take my lunch on 2 because i have no break at 11.then i will usually have rice, a fried chicken and some vegetables.i like kind to used with this meal.i feel so lazy want to think what to eat.then, around 8 something like that or maybe sometimes earlier, depends la on my housemates mood, we will go to upten for dinner.then when im like over-hungry, because i ate at 11, i will have heavy food, then when i go home, i went to bed with overloaded stomach because i eat unconsciously because im like too hungry.very unhealthy right.

somebody help me!!
please tell me how a healthy lifestyle should be !

*end*

i see too many break ups lately

2009-09-07T02:01:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

lately, i see too many break ups.i dont why am i bother to blog about this but somehow other people break ups make me think.yea, i know its none of my business but i dont know why is it bothering me.i cannot help myself but keep on wondering the reasons WHY ? do people break up.

seriously, i really wonder why do people break up.i wonder if these two people were madly in love before, why do they will do some other bad things that hurt each other feelings? if they love someone, wouldnt they take care of each other feelings and try to pleased the other and make the other feel like the happier person on earth.i wonder how this can happen if these two people were madly in love with each other before.

and when they break up, why do they hate each other or why do they seems to forget about the other so fast.i mean like the person has been like the other person life before right, like their life only about them and they spend like entire day thinking of their loved one and will put a wide smile on their face when they think of them.so i wonder why is it in such a short time, they will forget everything about that and hate each other.if like that, why would they want to be together at the first place, isnt it seems pointless.i really dont understand this and how should this couple thing should work.and i feel its like kind of risky because we are like risking our heart and feelings.

i dont know why am i bother to blog about this.but i see too many break ups lately and i cannot help myself but wonder why ?

yea la.i know la.this post seems pointless.just want to escaped for a while from my calculus study. (wink)

im kind of glad that im single.and break ups make me scared of relationship.i dont feel like getting in it because i only get to see no good from it.and i feel guys are stupid.no offense here.not i mean like guys are stupid stupid like that.i mean like when they are in love with someone else, they are stupid because they tend to do stupid things like taking their loved one for granted, cheating on their loved one or do stupid stuff that hurt their loved one feelings.and they never appreciate their loved one.if they do, they are so minor only.i only always get to see girl get hurts while the guy like so normal teruskan their life like normal padahal they just break someone heart.

ok la.need to study calculus back.

*end*

random post on a nice day

2009-09-06T12:32:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i have a good mood today.after blogging i would start study calculus and would not be online for the rest of the day i think. i dont know.depends la.but i determined to study calculus finish today.then if still got time, i want to study computing skill for the lab test.if tak sempat then another day la.actually, i dont what the lab test is all about and what need to study.

so this week is quite another hectic week for me.i dont know why.but i feel very tired this week.went back to uniten on monday, go class on tues as usual.but after class at 2 went to midV with subulee to find patrick's present.then reach home around 8 like that.skipped computing class.then on wed go class as usual.after that went to library to study calculus with narin and ning.then went to coe food court then went home.i skipped physics tutorial class.then thurs, go class as usual.during bi, teacher teach response essay. quite fun because we get to express our own point of view or opinion.then after class went to library to study calculus.but the securiyy guard like so bloody mengada dont let me enter in the library because im wearing tights.stupid la.whats wrong with tights la?. i feel like kind of suprise because the security guard know what is actually tights are . HAHA.so have to study at outside the library.went home around 4 like that nap for a while.after that went to patrick's birthday party at bangsar .quite fun.known quite a lot of people also especially boon chuan didi and dick.and im drunk during the party.stupid la me.i dont know why on earth i can drink until im drunk.then im like crap too much about things that i usually dont tell people and i keep on whack people's faces.i wont drink anymore.i promised.i told narin and he said he also always said that when he is drunk but then he still go and drink.the feeling of drunk is not nice.feel so suffered.keep on vomit and your head feels like so heavy.then the next day. thank god that im sober already.but then still feel like kind of drousy a bit.then some more on that day, need to pass up the all dokumen pengesahan and perjanjian to the ptptn officer.then my form like incomplete and the officer like very pissed with me and asked me all sort of questions but i cannot answer because i still feel drowsy and i cannot think well.after everything is done, i feel so glad.quickly went home and packed all my stuff.then wait for mummy and papa to pick me up.after went home i slept the whole afternoon.then when i woke up i only feel that im completely refresh.

so i wouldnt drink again.maybe i will but not till i drunk again la.i also tak sangka that i drink alcohol.i only drink a little during chinese new year.i just feel regret that i crapped too much to the people that i first met.i feel stupid !

so now the big sis's lappie suka sangat buat hal, so maybe i wont be blogging for quite some time.some more i will be having two tests on this coming friday.im so scared.calculus test 2 and computing skill lab test.i hope i will do well in this calculus test 2 after i did so badly in test 1 so i will study my ass off for this calculus test two.but i really dont know what am i suppose to study in computing skill lab test.anyone ?

i hope i will get my own lappie soon.please.i really need my own lappie.i want macbook pro so badly but i dont think i can have it.its expensive.mummy only budget arond rm2k.maybe buying dell or hp compaq.either one la.but most probably choosing hp compaq if got any laptop that suit mummy's budget la.

wait, i wana kecoh about this first.i watch the notebook already THREE times.anyone out there who hasnt watch the notebook, quickly watch.i cried like shit though even i watched it for the third time.the story is really touching la.i dont know what is it in that story make me cried.but i just know the story is really touching.noah love allie like so much even when allie forget him, he will still stay by her side and tell her their love story when they are young every single day.then in the end, they die together.which guy on earth would do like what noah did huhh?i bet that if all the guy's wife in this earth forget about who are them, they definitely give up on their wife and wouldnt bother and care much about their wife.seriously.i think noah is the most wonderful guy and i wish to meet a guy like him.HAHA.but he is only watak rekaan.not real.but i do wonder is there any guy like noah on this earth.

ok la.i want to watch confession of a shopaholic first then start studying calculus.

bye.

im feeling so pissed right now

2009-09-05T16:10:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i feel so pissed right now.i dont know why.its seems like all the tak puas hati feeling in my heart that i have been feeling for quite some times suddenly built up and make me so pissed right now.

ok first of all, no one ever ever take what i said seriously.like mummy and everyone la.i feel so angry about it.what they think i am.a moron.always say things for no reason.they never try to understand and always think that i lead an easy life.come try to be me in a day la.then faced everyone that i hate but i had to pretend that i like them because for the sake of world peace.then have to struggle with what ever things alone and there is no one to help u ! sometimes i feel so alone like there is no one to talk to about all the problems that im having and when even when i said it, they dont seems like understand it.and they think the thing i said is nothing.like i said, no one ever take what i said seriously !

second,, i feel like im being taken granted by everyone.i dont know why i feel like that but i do feel like that.like, i dont know how to explain it .even me, myself dont understand it.but i feel .... i dont know.i cant describe.i feel so confused right now.no i can elobarate much about it here later got conflicts susah la.

thirdly,, i feel that i don have my own freedom of blogging here at my damn bloody own blog ! i scared later what ever thing that i post will make others angry or what padahal sincerely that was what i feel about them.i really really want to blurt all the things what others make me feel like that but cannot !

forthly,, im so geram with this laptop punya usb.suddenly can use, suddenly cannot use.so irritating la !i wonder when only i can get my own lappie.i really want to get my own lappie as soon as possible and bring it to library to study !

fifthly,, i feel so annoyed by everyone,.i feel that i always trying my best to be as good as i can so that i wouldnt like hurt other people feelings but somehow all these people wouldnt do the same to me.i like always i dont know like careful with what i said or what i do so that other wont feel like hurt or what but they wont do the same.i feel like so being taken granted by everyone.if i become a biatch kan to u baru u know.

sixthly, i hate that everyone being so selfish with me padahal i try me very best to be selfless with them !

seventh,i hate that i always think things so complicated but actually they are just very simple things.

eighth, i hate all those voices in my head.i dont know where all these voices come from, but its like 24/7 in my head.like i dont know.all these voices never seems to leave me alone.like when im sleeping i can hear them.i know u guys must be thinking that im going crazy but seriously there is like voices bugging my mind of this and that 24/7.

actually, i dont know what am i crapping here.i just feel like i want to say something that really really bugging me but i cannot do it here.so i better cut all the craps short and study calculus.

i know, im like a psychotic biatch yang suka cari my own masalah hati.but its not like that.its like memang there and i cannot pretend that its no there.

*end*

i want this so badly !!!!

2009-08-31T02:15:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

its ford mustang 1966 model.i want this so badly !! i wonder is this car still exist or not.my dream car ; ford mustang.but all the new model like no more longer look classic and classy.it looks like for people to show off that they are rich people who afford ford mustang.i want this and only this !!

i shall learn to be grateful

2009-08-31T00:56:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i shall learn how to be grateful with everything i have.i must not take everything for granted.i dont know why suddenly on earth i think like that but suddenly i feel i just need to be grateful with everything i have.

i realized that i always take everything for granted like err..i dont know.

like meiyi for example.i shall appreciate her.i suddenly realized that she has done alot good to me while i always be an obnoxious sister to her.she treat me very well and she always bother to know about my life or any update in my life.i never bother pun to ask her.well i did ask her about her examination and she answered me back why do i want to know.besides that, i dont know what else to ask her.haha.kakak yang tak guna.well, there is like a gap between us.i dont like tell her everything in my life like how i used to before.even my crush now pun she also dont know padahal last time she know every single thing about tim.

i shall appreciate mummy and everything she has done for me.i suddenly feel that mummy sometimes always give me everything what i wanted.well not everything la but almost everything.i also feel thankful that she never slap my face whenever i shouted or being rude to her.yea i know im anak yang sangat tak guna.sometimes i feel that she doesnt deserve a daughter like me.she deserve a way much better,obedient and smarter daughter.she like done lots of things for me but what i gave her only shit.i shall start to study hard and forced myself to study hard and stop asking her money to shop just for my own satisfaction.suka hati only want to spend the money like that.think that im the only child is it?orang kerja susah susah suka suka hati wana go shop and spend the money like that just because hati tak tenang if i didnt get that whatever stuff.i should stop being selfish.mummy has dedicated her whole life just to take care of me so why dont i make her pengorbanan berbaloi.so i should start being a good, obedient and nerdy child yang belajar 24/7.

i shall appreciate all the friends im having.i have to stop being a useless friend and selfish.friends are very important in my life.i cant live without them.who am i going to crap with if i dont have any friends.i realised that im always rude to my friend or scolded for no reason.sometimes, i also treat them badly just because im not in the good mood or whatever is bothering me.see.i take all my friends for granted.when they are gone kan dont only baru start wana cry sampai mati.when they are by my side, i treat them like shit.so i shall treasure everyone of them.

i should be thankful that im in uniten studying whatever i want now.im the one who wanted to go to uniten to study.not like got anyone force me or what.i have made my choice so stop being a biatch thinking of quiting study or whatever am i planning to do.got alot people want to study also cannot.sometimes the auntie at coe foodcourt make me realised that i should be grateful that i can study at uniten.i see the way she look at us like very envy with us that we get to study and enjoy life as a university student.so i shall appreciate this chance or whatever thing.i shall be grateful that im allowed to study civil engineering and pursue what i want to be walaupun i interested more in fashion journalism.HAHA.yea i know whoever reading this will be laughing their ass off.so, i should stop second guess myself and focus on what i want to achieve and appreciate everything that im having right now and work harder for what i want.

i think i shall appreciate this first sem.actually there is nothing much pun need to study.subjects that im taking are only bi, computing skill class, calculus, physics and physics's lab.so nothing much can.i just need to focus more on calculus and physics.like the other three dont need to bother also never mind.just concentrate in the class on what the lecturer is teaching that's all.like got nothing much pun.so why am i cry sampai nak mati like this sem is very hard la.stupid la me.kadang kadang tak tahu nak bersyukur la.next sem kan got chemistry.so if want to get high gpa, this sem i shall get it.its easy la actually if i stop being a lazy biatch.

see, i always take everything for granted and never ever really try to look at other point of view.if i look at different view, my life will so much happier and easier.maybe now, i also wont be spending time posting this.so i just need to realize that actually my life dah cukup senang.im like the only one yang tak sedar and tak tahu belajar menghargai.thats whyalways blame my own fate asking god why is it my life like this la?blabla la.stupid psychotic biatch me.since the first sem is like quite easy, and its going to end in a month and two weeks more, so start working my ass off to get good result la instead of sulking here and asking why am i stupid la this and that la.if i learn how to appreciate everything in my life, the chances for me to get moody, angry or stress in my life is like 0.000099%.then i also will have less pergolakan jiwa.so stop crapping too much la.everyone get what am i trying to say already la.i must be grateful with everything i have and must not take everything for granted.so, the end.

bye.before i repeat again what am i trying to say.

*end*

!!@#@#$%^&*(())&^&$

2009-08-31T00:04:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i just dye my hair red in color.well,its not exactly red.something like bree van de kamp but brownish a bit.and not me the one who choose the color but big sis.at first im not sure want to dye or not because the color like very auntie-ish but somehow i just cross my finger and dye.it turn out to be nice.for me la. i like it.i dont know what the other will think when they see my hair and i tak kisah pun!.meiyi also said my hair nice but mummy said i look like a lala mui.well,its not that gold infact its not gold at all la.she always like that wan.when people dye hair no matter what color she will say that people look like a lala mui.what la.

currently, im strugling with my calculus study.i dont know why but i feel like im 10 times dumber compared to my intelligence last time.not that i want to show off that im smart or what but seriously i feel that im 10 time dumber.i dont know what had make me dumber and i wonder what.like last time when study add maths for the first time memang like very hard but not hard like this calculus.i get to understand and do add maths like after study it for ten times but with this calculus like no matter how many time i study it i will not get to understand and do it all.seriously.how la.

haiyo, next next friday, 11 09 09 got calculus test 2.like in two weeks more and i really need to get study right now because i really cannot understand any single crap in chapter two.stupid la me.why am i so stupid?if want to be stupid dont la choose this important moment to be stupid. haiyo !

in a month and two weeks more, there will be final exam.then break for two weeks then sem 2 start.haih.how come time pass like so fast wan.12 october will be final exam.so scary.thats mean i got a month and two weeks more to prepare.atleast its a good start right that i realize bout it early.

haih.time really pass that very fast.i just feel like yesterday was the first day i make my first step to uniten with the gemuruh jiwa song terngiang ngiang in my ear.how come time pass really fast.haiyo can the time freeze atleast for a month and let me take a very deep breathe. please.right now i feel very stress.i have to study hard.gpa must atleast 3 and the above.haha.i lower-kan my target already.

ok la go study la me.

*end*

blek :P

2009-08-30T10:40:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

this week, i skipped class for two days because im sick.so i went back to uniten on tuesday night.so i went to class on wednesday as usual.after class i went to library at 2 with ning they all.so study physics together with ning and narin then around 4 ning went to physics tutorial and i skipped that class because narin influenced me.HAHA.but i dont know why nowadays i feel like kind of lazy want to go physics tutorial.last time i would be like very bersemangat sampai sangat membara to go for physics tutorial walaupun dah tidur nyenyak for 3 hours.but now i feel the class very sienz already.last thursday i also skipped that class just to hang with subulee at foodcourt.then went home got nothing much happen.

then on thursday also got nothing much happen.just go physics and calculus class.english class is canceled.then waited for subulee at itms then meeet her around 1.30 at coe foodcourt.that thurs we went back early.got no more crapping day like our old tradition already. :(

then on fri morning i went back to uniten because already planned with subulee to go midv together after she finished her campus survival thingy and i tagged along with her because im like so boring sit at hostel.quite fun also lor while doing the campus survival thingy.but i feel useless because other if group member like bersemangat follow them do their campus survivval thingy and with my group member i didn't like contribute anything.so finished all the job at 3 something like that.so went to midv around 5 like that after finished bathing and all.sonny like so kesian.when we about to go, i called him and asked him to get ready.then he asked can for him to bath first? then i said we want to go already la.then we when we reached amanah, sonny havent come down yet.he is like late for about 10 minutes like that.suddenly saw him running.he so kesian. he go and like mandi kerbau and quickly get ready.so reached midv at 6.then we split up with the guys la.takkan they want to tagged along with us to shop.then we went to many shops.at that moment im not really into seeing clothes because i just want to find my baggie.i feel so regret for not buying the dress i saw from treats.its rm89.90 and got 50%. feel so regret.hope when this thurs going again the dresss and discount still got.so didnt buy patrick birthday present because we were like so rushed and cannot think of what to buy for him.so we shopped till 10 and we didnt take our dinner.feel like time passed really fast.we weven shopped till dont feel hungry.HAHA.GILER LA.FIRST TIME I FORGET TO EAT.note these words.so we like bought a few currypuff and ate at big apple donut place there while waiting for the donuts.like so pity.HAHA.can u remember it subulee ?HAHA.then we like cheat the guys that we had our dinner.hey, we also forget to camwhored ! haiya ! its like a tradition already to camwhore when going out.dont know how come can forget about it.so reached uniten at around 11 something then follow sulee go dont know what place that mummy and papa asked to fetch.then reached home around 12 like that lor.so its quite fun going out with them.but very rushed la.i just bought a blue navy shoes and a black bag from vincci.im like peminat setia vincci.see i bought almost all my shoes from vincci.like out of 9 pairs of shoes, 6 pairs are from vincci.i also bought my sunnies and my baggie from vincci. (wink wink)HAHA.stupid la me.but still im peminat setia vincci. :)

ok la.gtg.plan to blog one whole morning wan today but cannot because everyone want to use the internet.ok la papa waited for so long already to use internet.

bye.

*end*

fake wide grin

2009-08-25T11:56:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

tonight i have to go back to uniten.i feel like kind of reluctant to go back to uniten.i dont know why.ala.who wont feel that way la.got classes and yuckee food.HAHA.then have to walk under hot sun and im still not 100 % recover.then there is physics lab also tomorrow.*big sigh*

so, i have been sick for the past four days like that.since last friday afternoon.i thought i will get well soon like at night or the next morning.then mana tahu my sick get even worse on sunday.then went to see doctor on sunday evening because i want to get mc if not i wouldnt bother pun want to go see doctor.then the doctor checked my body temperature is 38.9 celcius.like walao.so high le.i was like so suprised because i didnt shiver and some more i didnt la like feel that sick.then the doctor checked my throat then he said my throat very swollen.im like huhh.i dont feel pain also.then the doctor like so mengada said u will later.but until now i didnt feel any pain also.then the doctor want to put something disgusting to my throat.its like iodine like that.he like asked me to ahhh opened my mouth.then im like do my very irritating disgusted face said 'yerr, whats that i dont want'.then the doctor like very irriatted with me asked 'u sure r u dont want' and then throw the digusting thing away.so i only get mc for two days.mummy tried to ask for three days but the doctor is like so bloody mengada said cannot.he said if i havent still recover in these two days then i have to come back and do h1n1 test and he will give extra mc.stupid la.somemore ask people to do h1n1 test.

so i have physics test on this coming thursday.i havent really study yet.u know la when your brain dah kena drug its like very hard want to stay awake and be sober.how want to read all those craps and interpret in my damn bloody brain.so i have to study pyhsic later.

everyone in the house already kena jangkit by me except for mummy and papa.i dont know la whether kena jangkit by me or they memang about to get sick.and i also wonder how on earth i get sick at the first place.i also dont know how.

ok la.actually i dont know what am i doing here.right now my brain feel like kind of drousy.i dont know what am i crapping but i just simply crap because i feel that i need to update my blog.

ok bye.

*end*

nervous breakdown

2009-08-19T21:24:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i need some new excitement in my life !

im so bored with the same old life and routines and whatever la.i need some kind of inspiration to boost up my semangat.

i dont talk much and seldom express how i feel and what am i thinking like how i used to.

i need a break for a while.

i dont know what is it but i felt like everything suddenly come rushing to me like a tsunami .i feel so stress for no good reasons.even now im also stress because i dont know what am i crappng.i felt that i hardly could talk about anything to people surrounding me.i felt that i hide too much emotions in myself and its going to explode any moment.i felt like shouting ! i dont know why .

i dont even think that there is anyone gonna understand what the hell am i posting here because i also could not understand what am i trying to say.and i also dont know why am bother to tell this in this blog.i have my own private blog la.shit.i revealed too much about myself.

i think im going to have nervous breakdown.

bye.

*end*

i choose blogging over studying.

2009-08-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

today i didnt start study anything yet.i just finish watching the clique.i dont know why suddenly i felt like watching that movie.its like typical teen's movie la.but quite nice lor.so long didnt like watch all these kind of movie.so after watching muvee, i started to online.and i like video calling with pui and po but cannot hear them well.so, i just end the call.

right now,im like so not in the mood of doing anything again tonight because tonight is another one hot bladdy night.im so sweaty right now and i already turn the fan speed to 5 already.but still didnt get any cooler.

everyone in the house went to bed early.i dont know why.even big sis stop onlining and went to sleep.normally she will online till like pagipagibuta only sleep.so giving me the oppurturnity to use the internet.

what i did today was i help mummy to clean the kitchen.her kitchen is like so disgusting.ewww.it took me almost three hours to cleaned the kitchen.after cleaning the kitchen, i went to nap and woke up at 7 like that.when i was napping, i dreamt something weird.i dreamt that someone left me a message at msn but i cannot see what was it about.then after woke up,im like so blur quickly go and the computer to see whether its true or not.then actually got nothing pun.yea i know im stupid.

currently, im like opening my room window so wide to let the cool air in.then suddenly i heard lots of creepy kind of noises.it sounds like someone tengah tanam mayat like that.then when i try to see whats happening, i didnt see anything and hear any noises.but then suddenly, got someone throw a stone and hit the wall.im like so fucking scared right now quickly go and close the window.i dont whether this is my feeling only or what but im so bloody fucking scared right now.

i really not in the mood of doing anything.i think i wana start study physics la.

bye.

*end*

setting a new revolution for myself

2009-08-14T02:38:00.008+08:00

dear bloggie,,

since tonight im not in the mood of doing anything so lets stay up late and crap about everything that i want till im out of my breath for typing so long.

ok.i just finish stalking that someone from internet.HAHA.yea i know i sound like a psychotic biatch stalker bahaya tahap maksimum.i dont know why is this someone bother me so much.it take most of my time thinking of this someone, wondering where is this someone, what is this someone doing, who is this someone with now and etc.stupid la me.i hate all these kind of jiwang jiwang feeling.i dont like feeling like this.so not nice wan this feeling.what i got in the end.nothing right.then why dont stop thinking about that someone and i dont know why is it hard to stop thinking what we dont want to think and let the thing get over us.why why why huhh?.i really hate how the way brain think and how the heart feels work.i dont understand how they work together because when my brain like send impulses to my heart to stop thinking about that someone, my heart didnt seems to get it.haiyo.i so hate this feeling.

stop talking about this la.its so not helping also.crap about other thing to distratct my attention from this someone.

ok.so i have found my new interest in music.currently, im like really into electro pop.so, i really like yelle,a french singer and lovers electric.their songs are like very cool and nice.for me la.maybe for some other people yang tak tahu menghayati dont seems to know how to hayati their musics.but i dont understand anything that yelle is singing because its in french but fuck la.her songs are nice.

so, i feel like cutting my hair again.i wana cut my behind short and keep my front long.but there is no people wana fetch me out to cut.im like so irritated la.i wana cut hair only mah, like that also like so hard.so i dont know whether i will get my haircut or not.

i wana start a new revolution for myself.and only i included in my own revolution that is changing myself to a person that im proud to be.there are alot if negativity in myself that i have to shuuu it from myself

firstly, no more bitching and crashing about other people behind people back.
i think i like to bitch and crash people behind their back so very much.i dont know why.but this kind of attitude seems like sudah sebati with my blood already.i shall stop bitching about other people.i dont understand why do i enjoy bitching about other people especially about the people who do no bad to me.i wonder why?if they like do bad to me nak bitch pun bitch la in front of those people.dont la be like so bitchy always bitch about people this and that.and i also dont know why i always bitch about people bad.if people good didnt la pula see me puji puji them sampai nak mati.but if bitch about people bad, bitch sampai the throat kering also never mind.bukannya i get any good from all these what.so stop being a bitch and stop bitching about the others la.what if other people bitch behind my back.angry kan?i rather if the people bitch in front of me.so kalau nak bitch about other people bitch la in front the people and only if the person had do something bad to me.

second, judging people too much.ohh.i think i always judge the people around me 24/7.i never seems to stop judging other people.i dont know why on earth i like to judge people so much.is it because i always think that im better than any person on this earth.i really dont know why but mummy said its because that im too proud of myself and always think that im better than any person on this earth.maybe its true.i always judge how the way people talk to me, their action, personality and everything.then when i judge people, whatever they do or talk make me feel so disturbed and annoyed.if la i dont judge people maybe i will hate people less.because it always seems that i dislike people.i remember telling po that i dislike this person i dislike that person.then she asked me how come u always dont like people wan.HAHA.and i have a very bloody long list names of people that i hate and hating or disliking someone is not a nice feeling because i dont know why.its like when i always have to meet someone i dislike in my life every single day like very i dont know.so why dont i try to like them and stop judging them by their action or whatever.i even sometime let the people that i hate or dislike spoil my day.so maybe less judging people, hating people and disliking people will make my life easier, healthier and happier.

thirdly, i care too much about what people think about me.why on earth la that i bother so much about what people think about me.i dont know why.sometimes i feel like so naked and exposed in front of other people.i feel like im being judge by the others and what if they know the bad that i have done before or all my dark secrets.padan muka lah.suka sangat judge other people now u know how it feels.but seriously, what people think bout me really bothers me.when i like slipped something stupid from my mouth while talking to other people i will like think ohmygosh, now the person must be thinking that im a moron.its not nice thinking like that.always wonder what people will think of me.so starting for now, i will do whatever i want without thinking what people say or think about me.if the people rub it to my face i will just say fuck off la.suke hati orang la.sibuk!

forth, im so selfish.yea im the most self-centered biatch that u ever seen before.seriously i think im so self-centered and always dont bother to care about how the others feel.i always force people into doing something they dont want for my own good sake.i have to learn to be more self less la.but i really dont know how.i shall be more sensitive towards other people feelings and care about my loved more instead of habiskan my life thinking of that someone who i just met.i must be more willing to share my everything and help the others when the others need my help.dont be like errr.this got nothing to do with me so i dont give a damn.

fifth, im a very hot temper biatch.i always scold people for no reason out of sudden.especially when im pms-ing.i always shout at my loved one and make them feel hurts whenever i feel so angry even is not their damn bladdy fault pun.

sixth, showing off.yea i like to show off and i dont know why.maybe because it makes me feel good.i shall learn to be humble.sometimes i feel so jealous with the people that is humble like meiyi.how she be like so down to earth.i really try my very best to be like that but i dont know why somehow my ego dont let me to do that.its like if i got something good show la.not that salah pun.i really wana to be humble.i dont like showing off.

seventh, stop jealousing of the others and start being grateful with everything that i have.i shall stop jealous with other people's life or goods or whatever.if im like so jealous of them why dont i concentrate to be like better than them instead of jealousing them and then go and bitch behind them.yea i shall do like that.

ok.i cant think of any already.hope what i crap just now is what i will do and become in my future life.

ok im feeling sleepy already.

bye.

*end*

what a bloody fucking hot night is tonight

2009-08-14T01:51:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

tonight is so bloody fucking hot la.i really cannot stand and about to chop someone head off.arrghhhhh.this hot night really make me lose my temper.this stupid bloody hot night also make me so frustrated with almost everything.

i was in the mood of studying physics just now till la suddenly i felt that tonight feel so hot.then i started to sweat padahal i just like taken my bath 30 minutes ago and turn the fan speed to 5 already.then i also started to feel headache and dizzy and frustrated because at the same time i was trying my very best to interpret what i had study in physics in my brain but my brain which is so frozen and hard like rock cannot absorb any craps that i was reading.so im so bloody frustrated and stop studying physics and start blogging here letting all out my frustrations before i go and chop someone head.

besides that, i plan to have a very long conversation with subulee by videocall.somehow, i dont know what is the damn problem i cannot listen to her well.her voices seems to cut cut and cannot be heard clearly so i feel so frustrated and hot at the same time so i give up talking to her.

haiyo. why everything i do tonight seems like so tak menjadi.it seems like there's some bad aura around me making havoc on everything that i wana do.HAHA.STUPID THINKING..

haiyo.this hot night really getting on my nerve and started to disturb my inner peace already la.i really feel so frustrated and i felt like sleeping in the car and on the aircond to the minimum temperature and die freezing in the car.

so, i just a grab a bottle of ostrich egg like chocolate form the fridge and eat it to released my tension.now i dont care how many kg am i going to gain after tonight because i so bloody fucking frustrated till i dont give a damn about anything.

so it doesnt scared me shitlessly.

now im out of idea to crap.i've never run out of idea to crap.oh.i hate this wheather so very much!

*end*

whataniceday to blog (part 5)

2009-08-13T01:44:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i had finish study physics chapter 1 only.when im about to start studying chapter 2 i suddenly get a sudden headache.then i try to online for a while.then after that i didnt stop onlining and continue study physics back.i think i should not blogging anymore as blogging will occupy most of my time.this is because when i start blogging i will blog more and more and eventually i end up blogging the whole day instead of studying.but i love blogging.i like expressing my ideas and thinking and feelings instead of studying.HAHA.

sometime i think i should take a course that have something to do with writing expressing ideas, views or whatsoever.but mummy will not approved me taking all these kind of course.she wants me to be a nerd that involve with science and be an engineer that earned probably 100 k a year.but i also like this civil course just that i seriously hate to study physics and calculus la.why is it calculus like way more hard than add maths.

today meiyi asked me why do i create a private blog if i doesnt want people to read it.then i asked her back why do people write on a diary if they dont want other people to read it.stupid question la.her question doesnt make sense at all.

so maybe next week i will be having physics test 1 and calculus quiz.haih.i feel so fann la.i really very lazy want to study la.but lucky i suddenly realized that i have physics test and calculus quiz now and not at the last minutes.if not later maybe i wont have the time to study lor.

i think i shall stop blogging for a while.then i must jauhkan diri from the internet connection.haih.i suddenly miss studying at hostel la.if study at home, i always feel so lazy and sleepy so fast.

i feel like the time is ticking so fast la.my brain like cannot even interpret what day is today.i really feel like yesterday was spm result day.i really missed my holiday where i always lie down on the bed, woke up from sleep straight away online, eat then sleep back.so relax and not pressuring.i wish i can have that holiday back.i cant wait for sem break.but then when sem break over its sem 2 already.and everyone keep on say that sem 2 is the hardest of all.i hear also feel like so lemah semangat and feel giving up already.

so i should stop onlining and continue studying.somehow, i thank god that the internet connection at uniten is slow.if not i will always blog and dont bother to study.

can i stop crapping about blogging and studying.no.so whatever la.

bye.

ps : subulee, see i blog so much today.its because u ask me so lor.

*end*

whatanicedaytoblog (part 4)

2009-08-12T16:47:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

now suddenly im like kind of emo already.i suddenly started to miss everyone that is not in my life right now.i hate the feeling of missing someone because when we miss someone and there is nothing that we can do about it.so i dont like missing people.and there is also a kind of empty feeling in my heart.

first, i miss all my patpo's.
second, i miss enen so very much.
third, i miss that someone and that someone would not know it and doesnt bother pun.
forth, i miss everyone at high school.

so what can i do about it when im missing all these people in my life? i dont know.i really dont know beside thinking about them and cry.

i seriously hate this feeling la.i suddenly feel that i started to lose everyone that is important to me in my life.they are like no more longer spending lots of time with me and they have new people in their life.they have their own new life and im not in it.im not included in their new life.im no more longer in their life.no more the person they will gonna hang out with.we only can meet like once in a month.and then when meet already, there is nothing to be say because we are no more longer in the same life or world.then we will stop talking and hanging out with each other because there is nothing to be say.or maybe when we hang out together we will try to show off who life is more fun, happy or cooler.then we will also lost the chemistry that we used to have.then i also will no more longer to be the first person to tell or kecoh with when there is like anything or some whatever thing happen in their life because there is someone new in their life to takeover my place already.they maybe dont bother much to tell me also.how's that feels if u are in my position?

i also like kind of occupied by new people in my life and i scared the emptiness that i felt because of missing them will be like diisi by other people then i would like lost connection with everyone in my past life and started to spend my life with the new people in my life only and forget about everyone in my past life.get what am i trying to say?

so to anyone who is concern out there, i just wana let u guys know that i miss u so much no matter what and u guys will always have a place in my heart.i hope u guys feel the same like how i feel.

*end*

whatanicedaytoblog (part3)

2009-08-12T16:33:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i so miss vivian lap xuan en like hell.i wish that she is here with me now.i want her here more than everything else.seriously, i really miss her.whenever i listen to cuppycake song or watch high five in the early of morning i would think of her.and suddenly my heart will feel pain because i really miss her like hell.i really wish that she is here la.i so miss her.i hope that she know i miss her like hell and she feels the same too.i wonder how is she now?i didnt see her like for ages already.almost 3 weeks i think.i so miss her and i feel like hugging her, pinching her cheek playing with her whatever we always used to play together.

i love u enen.

*end*

whatanicedaytoblog(part 2)

2009-08-12T15:06:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

okay.so today i had make a pack to myself that i will start study today.i shall start on physics because after holiday there might be physics test 1.but i feel so bloody lazy la want to start study.i feel like blogging and crap the hell out of me.at the same time there is a guilt in my heart calling me go to study.but im really really not in the mood to study la.maybe once i open the book, i will start study.but the internet is so distracting la.plus, i will got 24 hours access to the internet today and tomorrow because big sis is staying over at MC's house (wink).i think i shall not waste mummy and papa's money by studying.i feel like quit studying and be a sampah masyarakat by just sitting at home only lying down on my bed and blogging and hope the money that i get form nuffnang can sara my life.

i need some kind of inspiration to boost up my semangat to study.ok la actually i found one.that is yesterday i saw big sis result slip of her overall result.i see her gpa like quite high.like all is 3.5 and above.i shall become like her also but her course is bussiness, marketing and research .easier then engineering what.HAHA.so bad wan me.but still, her result is also good what.if i so clever try beat her result la.stupid.

then besides that, during big sis convo day, there is a handicap guy on his wheel chair went up to take his scroll and he is an engineering student.that make me somemore inspire.if he doesnt give up with the difficulties that he might having while studying then why i, a very healthy fat biatch should give up la.there is no reason for me to give up la.

i also have to remember back all my aims before coming to uniten that i had set already.dont be such a loser and quiter can or not.pandai cakap kena lah pandai buat.stop sleeping during calculus class already la.stop concentrating too much on sleeping and eating la.all these do no good to me.i think i should do a routine timetable for myself la.do already also doesnt mean will follow wan mah.haih.stupid la me.someone please force me to study !

so shall i start study right now ? .maybe later la.after i finish blog whatever stuff i want.then i will start study soon.i will, seriously.

*end*

whatanicedaytoblog(part 1)

2009-08-12T14:30:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

sorry i started to like neglect u because right now im like to busy blogging at my private blog no matter whether its private or or not private stuff.

but suddenly its start to become like a habit to blog at my private blog every night before i go to sleep.like telling the blog what did i do the whole day something like that.and i also like blog about something sweet that i dont want to share with other people.HAHA.

ok.so today i will blog lots lots of craps today because today is a nice day to blog.

yesterday i went to mcD to meet po, pohteng and kuanmay.i didnt realized before that i miss them so very much till i see them yesterday.its like im almost cry when seeing them and i cant stop smiling.seriously, i have no idea that i miss them so very much.oh shit.i forgot to hug them la.because when going back i was like suddenly in a rush.mummy like suddenly calling me and ask me where are u in a very aggresive way.so im also like very panicked faster go back and just like said ok bye like that.i should appreciate that moment, i dont know when only will i meet them again.so regret.i also didnt take much picture with them,just only a pic that is a pic of me and po only.haihh.i started to miss them already.i also missed pui and wong so very much.i miss fooling around with them.ohmygosh, i so FUCKING miss them la.wish that they were at mcD also yesterday.what we do most was chatting lor.then while we were chatting i suddenly saw something inappropriate.18pl scene.haha.im legal to see already la.a yuhua guy who look very innocent who is a prefect started to put his hand on his GF's boob and start grabbing it.im like ohmygosh ohmygosh, and laugh like hell and tell po, they all.they were like so calm and buat tak tahu only not like me so hyperactive.HAHA.then the guy saw me but he like didnt bother much that im looking because he like getting high already.i feel like im watching a live porn show.and his GF was doing homework at that moment.everyone at mcD saw what had happened already and everyone like started to stare at their place and the guy like stop doing it already.yala, takkan dont want to stop right dah everyone looking at them.ohmygosh.really tak sangka la.the guy look like a very nerdy but tak sangka he is like so bernafsu gila babi sial nak mampus.i bet that he already poke his GF pantat already.HAHA.

anyway, hope to see all of my patpo's again.

so after went to mcD, mummy brought to mines.went there with mummy and big sis.mummy like bring me there to shop because she doesnt want me to go out on thurs with friends to shop.im like huhh, whats the differences la.so went to kitschen,F.O.S, and niichi.that day i like saw lots of thing that i like suddenly when i went there yesterday like got nothing to buy.so shop for about 2 hours like that only get to buy a shirt.i feel so frustrated because didnt get to buy much thing or see something that i like.for the first time, i feel shopping is so frustrating.suddenly i feel regret for not buying the boho dress la.i suppose to buy it but mummy like so not willing to buy because she said that its not worth it.but if i insist i sure will get to buy the dress wan.HAIHH.

so after that went to eat dinner then take away some food for meiyi,small sis and papa.

end of the story for what i did yesterday.

*end*

hectic week

2009-08-10T14:32:00.009+08:00

dear bloggie,,

last week was really a hectic week.lots of things happen and my brain can like have a sec to interpret whats happening surrounding me.mon got nothing much.

then, we have our first official calculus test on tues.im like so very scared and thank god the test was only on chapter 1.if the chapter 2 is coming out i will be like so dead because i didnt study much on chapter 2 and chapter 2 is so hard like hell and i dont understand a single word in the calculus book crapping about chapter 2.during the test i was like so blurrred.i was waiting outside the exam hall wit other students.then suddenly i feel so hot and my brains was so heavy and all the noises that i heard from my surrounding make my brain pain.then i tried to find my inner peace but cannot.then suddenly dont know around what time, we all enter the exam hall and i quickly find my table.my table was c140.when i first saw the question people i was like so blanked.suddenly everything that i had study have been like wiped off from my brain.seriously, i was like very very so blanked.then when i start doing the first question which was quite easy, i suddenly like forget how to do.the question is only about inequality la.im like is it like this or like that.i really feel so blanked and dumb.then suddenly there is a guy beside me giving me signal.i thought what the hell, u wana to tiru me.im like so scared because there is like the pengawas peperiksaan walking here and there.later they will like accuse me of berpakat with him.my heart like beat so fast at that moment but actually the guy just want to borrow my rubber la.stupid me.so i do do do do the question without knowing am i doing it correct or what.the when the clock tick like 10, i went out from the hall and find subulee.that night we went to jusco balakong to buy starbucks drink.then i feel back to normal already after sipping chocolate cream chip.so went back to hostel before curfew over.at that moment i feel so released and relaxed already.like there is 1111 paun of stone that had been put on my shoulder suddenly is taken away already that kind of feeling.haha.but still the next day have to continue class like normal.

on wednesday, i feel so sleepy.i feel like sleeping the whole day.even physics lab im like so sleepy.im like suppose to bekerjasama with my group member to finish up the report but i just lay down there on a table and didnt bother to care much about what happen.at that time, i just feel like going home to sleep.then at night got lots of agm meeting need to go.eventually we end up going to swimming club agm meeting and i dont know why suddenly on earth im the member representative.the meeting over at around 10 like that.after that meeting went home.suddenly around 11 something kishen called to ajak us go out to yamcha.then he said must bring fui ling.at that moment subulee and i dont feel like going because its already late and we scared that we will miss our curfew.then we like try to give excuse said fuiling is not going to kishen but kishen said never mind must come also so we went lor.that night was a crazy night.we went back to the hostel at 5 in the morning because had to wait for the curfew to over.then we went to putrajaya and lepak and i dont understand how come the guys are like so beria -ria drive here and there to find nice view to lepak.they said by lepak-ing like that they can find their inner peace.HAHA.so went there then camwhore abit then went to mcd bangi to wait for the curfew to over.it was a fun night la but yet tiring.feel so sleepy.lucky the next day i have only one hour class.

some pics that we took at putrajaya.

hehe.everyone is so possy.

narin,me,kishen,sugan,tevan and sukh.

photographed by subulee.

doing some break dance i think.

the five monkeys.

me and subulee

photographed by me

everyone is like busy seeing the view while subulee and tevan camwhore

seriously they are really pee-ing

yea, i know it looks disgusting

me,subulee,kishen,narin

=_=

on thurs, i had only an hour class that is physic.calculus and bi classes canceled.so after physics class i faster ran home and sleep lor.then while i was sleeping, suddenly ling ling came back said all the students need to go to dss to hear some announcements.i was sleeping at that moment didnt bother want to go so only ning and ling went.suddenly around 1 like that subulee called me and tell me that uniten is closed for 10 days because of h1n1.then i was like so blurr need to interpret what she had said in my brain a few times.then when i get what she said im like so happy.got no class for 10 days.but too bad, there are 3 people confirmed with h1n1 and 6 are suspected.i feel like kind of bad having fun pleasure while the other 9 people are suffering.

after that we went to mines around 6 like that.subulee went home and drive her back to uniten and drive us to mines.i didnt like go to mines like since forever and now that place got lots of new shops already.there also got kitschen and nichii.now, im like so into these two shops only.i dont know why.so ate dinner at old town kopitiam because there go no other nice place to eat.after that straight went back to hostel.around 9 like that papa and mummy come and fetch me home.

friday did nothing much.

saturday was big sis convocation day.a very historic day for the Lim's family. :)

sunday we went to mmu cyberjaya to take family picture then went to visit my sick grandma at segambut.

thats all for the whole last week.lots of things happen right.

*end*

green camp : ) (a good deed towards the earth)

2009-08-10T13:58:00.009+08:00

dear bloggie,,

on date 31st july till 2nd of august i joined the green camp organized by ice club.ice is institution of civil engineer club.izzati thought that ice club is an ice sculpture club.HAHA.

the camp was quite fun but at the same time feel boring because got not much outdoor activities..most of the activities were presentation about environment.there were only four outdoor activities like cleaning the Klang river, barbeque, moonlight walk and wild run.the activity that was the most fun and memorable is wild run. we were running like hell and then during the activity suddenly rained.so we all soaked in wet and run like crazy peoples.HAHA.

my group is Autumn and my group members are shaq, muhsen, orence, rifdy, win loong, yee teng, raja and hussein.my group facillitator were ah liang and hazzian.

im like not very ngam with my group member and i also think they like very irritated with me.HAHA.yea seriously i think they are.because whenever there is a presentation then i will like so excited gila like kena sawan babi like that then like telling it very fast in like a second then everyone like doesnt understand a word that im saying.then they will like ignore my idea and start thinking a new idea then im like will pertahankan my idea like that and make them feel annoyed.

we stayed in a chalet during the camp.the chalet is nice but it is dirty especially the toilet.during the camp im like scared to drink lots of water and eat lots of food because i dont want to go to the toilet to shit and pee.i also like dont want to bath much and if can i dont want to bath at all.HAHA.the toilet is seriously so disgusting.thinking back about it making me feel like vomiting.im like so glad when the camp is like over already because i dont need to enter the toilet anymore.

i wonder why was the ice commitee members always like to take picture so much.they like always take lots of pictures no matter what.like the time we were about to sit a boat at klang river, they will like make sure there is a camera man on the boat.like even during wild run, the ah liang like so rajin want to take picture.like even its rain and everyone was running, he will still bother to take out his camera and take video or take pictures.then im like a very bitchy like that said, 'haiyo dont take my pictures la.'he sure think why am i like so mengada.HAHA.

overall, i glad to join the camp but after this exprience i dont think i want to go camping anymore.i cant stand the dirtiness of camping.HAHA.i dont know since when im like got phobia of bacteria.like seriously whenever i touch something dirty i would like start thinking that the bacteria is entering my skin and membiak under my skin.so now before going camping i will think twice.

so we went back to uniten at around 12 like that then reached uniten around 1.after that went home, bathed washed clothes then went to pc fair with subulee and her mom.i didnt buy anything much just bought two earphone.i dont know why i buy two earphone maybe because its cheap.then when going home we pass by all those internet booth.there was digi guy asking us to sign up with them and they like dont want to let us go so we have to layan them la.then suddenly there was girl from maxis booth like rampas pelangan then suddenly they were like start arguing.i think i want to get the celcom broadband because uniten internet connection was so FUCKING slow and i also can bring it back home to use since i alwasy cannot get to use the internet at home.but somehow, i didnt sign up for celcom broadband and the offer is rm5o for a month and there is no contract.and i feel so regret.

some pics during the camp.

group picture during the last day

me and liang

while moon light walking

i cant remember when we took this pic

i cant remember this also

during group presentation

before group presentation.

gambar curi

during presentation

smile.

this is also another gambar curi.yea liang memang suka curi curi take people picture wan.

i copy all these pics from ah liang fb.HAHA.

*end*

2009-08-07T10:52:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

currently, im too busy with my own private blog.so im like didnt bother much to update nowadays but i will soon.

got lots of things happen lately.

will update soon.

shortie post that is meaningless

2009-07-28T23:00:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

now im studying calculus and listening to songs.suddenly i felt like dancing the hell out of me and shout and burn the damn calculus book even though i don't have one with me now.but still i have the urge to burn the book.i feel like going to an unknown club and dance with none disgusting people and lost into loud heavy beat music that the club usually play.

yea.i know i sounds weird.i think im going to go crazy because of this calculus.i rather study add maths.

and i miss enen very much!!i felt like crying when i listen to the cuppycake song that she always used to sing.im so bloody miss her right now.i feel like taking a cab to kajang now to see enen.i really miss her.

*end*

im so moody right now

2009-07-28T20:04:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

the internet here at uniten really sucks la.i like cannot open blogger for a few days and i don't have the oppoturnity to blog at home.

ok let's see what are the things that bothering me today.i don't know what are the things that bothering me but i feel so not in peace today.i started my day well i think.this morning when i walked out from the apartment to class i was thinking what a nice day.but then my day didn't turn our be so good for i don't know what reasons.why is it?serious serously i really don't know what are the things that bothering me.i feel so moody and sad right now.i feel like burts into tcrying like hell but i cannot.maybe because my tahap kesedihan belum sampai to crying but somehow i feel sad.i fel sad for some reasons that i cannot tell here.too personal already and i will keep all to myself only.but i can tell what are the other reasons that make me feel moody or whatever not good mood im having.

1.i didn't do well in my computing skills quiz AGAIN.seriously la, i really don't what the is question crapping.im having hard time reading and memoriing what i had read i computing skill because theirlanguage is like robo's language.get what i mean?never mind la.

2.suddenly the calculus lecturer said that test will be coming out till topic 2.5.im like dia la this time.before that other people said that the test will be only up to topic 2.1.but now suddenly until 2.5.where can study in time la.some more this weekend im going to the green camp.and i only just finished study chapter 1.and somemore i sleep at class during lecture.i like really reallly don't know what is happening in calculus.even today the narin like warn me.he said i better study like hell now in calculus because teacher already enter the hard part and im useless because sleep during class and not bother to know what happen during class.plus, we are also NOT ALLOWED TO USE CALCULATOR during test!like huhh?it's calculus la.if it's math then ok la.stupid la.i really feel like stopping study right now.the pressure is like very big and i cannot handle it.i think i might collapsed any moment.

3.im suppose to go swimming tonight, right now but im blogging here.because there is no one wana go swimming so i like merajuk here alone without anyone noticing.HAHA.no la.

4.i did something really embarassing during computing skill class.

5.i think that im too loud already la.i think should keep low profile a bit.i like talk too loud until everyone look and shhh at me at class.i really wish that im a sof spoken person and don't put talking as my number 1 priority list to do everyday.sometime i wish if i could just keep my mouth shut like real shut and hardly talk to people so that i wont embarrased myself or what.

im seriously not in a good mood right now.like i said i want to get far away from everyone and go on a vacation in an isolated island for 1287237823487523785475472542374527 days!

i think i wana change myself into becoming a emo.i mean the real emo freak like that.like do blonde or pink highlight to my hair, wear like very dark black eyeliner and put on a red blood lipstick,pierce all over my body,wear tight black t-shirt and mini skirt with fish net on and also a pair of fisherman boot,listening to dark music that sing they hate life and everything,and don't talk to people and stared at people very fiercely whenever people do eye contact with me and make them scared till they pee in their pant.HAHA.haiyo.i feel very moody la.someone please help me la with my calculus study.test is on next tues, 8.30 night.it's like in a week more.

haih.this isn't helping.i will just stop crapping here and go bath la and pretend that im swimming in the toilet.HAHA.

*end*

i hate that i don't have my own privacy

2009-07-24T16:01:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i hardly can breathe right now and i feel that i have no privacy at all in my life.not in the house or wherever.everyone seems like to bug me every single second in my life and not wanting to leave me to be in peace.my privacy has been violated.and i really hate that i don't have my own space especially when im always bugg by someone u know who.where ever i go the peson will like follow me like a shadow.i want my own space.i have no space for myself at all.at home mummy seems like to bugg me every second and she even sees what am i blogging.i feel so violated right now.i want my own space, serenity, paradise and privacy.i want to runaway to an isolated island and be there for 8889192302976557552187319738018302174863263267 days!!

*end*

100 th posts

2009-07-19T11:49:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

this is my hundredth posts. like finally i reach the hundredth posts.

im still not in the good mood.i don't know what to do to make myself feel better.i don't know why nowadays i get emotionally affected so easily.and seriously i don't know what are the things that bugging me and make feel so unhappy.

maybe instead of merungut about my moodi-ness maybe i should try to list down all the happy moments and things that im grateful with.

my happy moments :

1.swimming at the pool
2.celebrating lawr's birthday
3.4th of july
4.shopping with po, pui, wong, pohteng, ping and kuanmay
5.chemistry lab :)
6.playing with enen
7.bitching together with sulee
8.saw yeng-ish (but now cannot look at him already,he has a gf)
9.laugh like hell when chatting together with old friends
10.hanging out with good old friends
11.spm result day?
12.the end of spm day :)
13.a day out with lawr
14.sipping chocolate cream chips starbucks
15.bitching about pn jamilah at class
16.during school days
17.bitching at mcd after school like no other people business
18.pizzahut moment after est spm paper

haiyo.how come got so little happy moments in my life.i should concentrate more to create more happy moments in my life la instead of emo - ing.

things that im grateful with :

1.im glad that i study at uniten
2.im glad that sulee is my friend there.i cannot live without her at uniten.HAHA
3.im glad that i get to know po, she is the person that i always like to complain everything at and she seems to can connect to whatever i said
4.im grateful that meiyi is my sis although we cannot click in most of the times
5.im grateful that i have enen in my life.she bring so much happiness into my life
6.im grateful that my hostel got tv.thanks to sulee
7.im grateful that i get good housemates and not bitchy one
8.im grateful that i have good swimming instructor
9.im grateful that all my classes start at 9 in the morning
10.im grateful that ali didn't stalk me like how abbas stalk sulee
11.im grateful that i can blog about the things that im grateful with and it makes me feel better already
12.somehow, sometimes i glad that im short
13.im grateful that i get to know pui in my life.she also has bring so much joy into my life
14.im happy that uniten has a big swimming pool
15.im grateful that i stay at kajang
16.im grateful that i have my big pinkie baggie.i can stuff almost everyting inside that bag
17.im grateful that i shift to smkjb to study and get to know so much new great friends there
18.im glad that i have my red sandals.i love it very much
19.im grateful that i have mummy as my mummy
20.somehow, sometimes im glad that im banana
21.lastly but not least, im glad that mr lawrence ng wai leong is my BFF.HAHA.

*end*

still not feeling better

2009-07-19T11:25:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

when i woke this early morning i still didn't feel any better.i still feel very pissed or angry or not in the good mood or whatever mood la.in short words, not in the good mood.

reasons :

1.the very irritating sister make lots of noises shouting here and there make feel so annoyed and feel like slapping her

2.i tend to get angry easily with meiyi.i don't know why but everything that she says or do annoyed me.

3.stupid twitter codes thing.i just create a twitter account and plan to put twitter thingy at my blog but somehow i don't know what error occur whenever i placed the codes here or there the nuffnang ads will like terjejas

4.no musics that i listen now can make me feel better

5.everyone is so selfish

6.i colored my hair red burgundy but it still look like black in color

7.my sis irritated me and goes wherever i goes and do stuff that really annoyed me

8.i irritated that i still haven't recover from my moody or so whatever not good mood im having

all these things will not get any better.i just stop here and emo in the room.stupid la.what's wrong with me la.why i get emotionally affected so easily.not that im PMS -ing or what.haiya.what's the wrong la?what's the damn problem with me la.

*end*

i feel so pissed with almost everything in my life

2009-07-18T23:32:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i suddenly feel so pissed, angry, irritated and annoyed!i don't know why.it's like the feelings that has been terpendam for a while and now it like started to meletup one by one.

reasons that make me to feel like that :

1.the person that i feel very irritated with always seems to bug me every second in my life.i didn't mean to feel like that with that person because she is a good person but somehow i don't know why i get very irritated with her no matter what she do and she will like hunt me the rest of my life.i don't know how will i ever going to stand her.

2.i feel so angry that i slept one whole day today when im supposed to study calculus one whole day

3.i feel so headache right now because i take nap the whole afternoon

4.i feel so irritated with my nose because it's stuck and whenever i sneeze there is nothing come out and i feel so hard to breathe.yea i know it sounds disgusting

5.no one seems to bother to care about me forever.im not important to everyone already

6.i feel so irritated that i only have minimum space to study at hostel and that make me not in the mood to study at all.

7.i hate that i spend much.when im spending im not aware at all then after spending i would start to regret and said i wish i didn't buy this and that.

8.i feel so annoyed that tonight feel so hot.

9. i hate the fact that i need to be apart from enen and not getting to see her anymore when i come back evry weekend.

10.i feel irritated that i feel irriated with alomost everything

11.i hate that my heart control my mind not my mind control my heart

12.i feel very pissed that i cannot get to use the computer whenever i want.i have to wait for the others to use first or big sis is going out then only i get to use.so bloody annoying.

13.i feel so irritated with myself because for being so lazy to study

14.i feel so pissed that im having hard time to learn swimming

15.i feel so pissed because i have to face the person that i don't like from the bottom of my heart and be friendly wit that person

16.i hate when all the bad past in my life starting to hunt my mind back and my mind could not control of what i want to think

17. i feel so irritated because after i put the nuffnang ads like for years, finally i only manage to earn 25 cents

18.i feel so pissed with the uniten internet connection.it's so bloody fucking slow like hell.FUCK FUCK FUCK.

19.im irritated that i always get emotional affected so easil.

20.i feel annoyed that i always say wrong things and whenever i try to say something to cover it it get worst.

21.i feel irritated that im feeling so angry right now and no matter what i do nothing will get better!!

im so pissed with everything la.and that someone already giving a sign that it's time for me to go.so.im done blogghing here!

*end*

blank

2009-07-16T21:10:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im blogging from my new home at uniten.i didn't went home tonight because got alot of stuff need to be done here and i also don't know what's the stuff that i haven't done here.

now i don't know what is my mood and what am i feeling right now, i feel so blurr and blank.there goes again another week.i feel that time pass so fast.i can't even like interpret all the things that happen in my like these few days.i had two quizzes this week.and the lecturer didn't even inform us.they like suddenly give a pop quiz and going to enter the mark into our cgpa.i feel so scared la because i did so badly in these two quizzes.*big sigh*

my mind feels like kind of berserabut but also at the same time i feel blank.i need to like reorganized my life.im like so lewa in my this uni's life right now.like everyday after class go hang out here and there.then at night come home bath straight away sleep and didn't even like bother to look at the book.then plus during class, i always feel so sleepy and didn't concentrate on what the lecturer teaching.i need to get serious la.i have to remember back all my aims of coming here.i have to control myself from the temptation of having fun here.but there is no any fun here, maybe only swimming la.then nothing else already what.i also feel that 24 hours a day is not enough la.i really need more extra hours.plus now i don't have any assignments and co-co activity.what if when the lecturer started to give assignments then all the co-co activity suddenly pop up like that.haiya.i don't know la.i feel very blank and need to focus back on my aims.

next tues and wed there will be like club promotions like that.get what i mean.i feel like kind of excited. i don't know why.

i think i want to create a private blog la. i want to like meluahkan all my keresahan hati yang tidak boleh diketahui orang or yang boleh menimbulkan konflik there.but i don't know why i didn't create.i feel like kind of lazy.but whenever i like got some keresahan hati here i feel regret for not creating the new private blog.to create or not.

*end*

4th of july 2009 was a memorable day

2009-07-12T23:48:00.007+08:00

dear bloggie,,

on 4th july i went out with lawr, sani, and vinc.actually not feeling like going because im so very tired after finish orientation week.but however i went also and i don't feel regret going.HAHA.

i get to buy sunnies which i wanted to buy since forever and i also bought a pair of red sandals which is only rm18.50 and it's vincci.HAHA.

we ate lunch at spaghetti's grill for lunch and after that we watched transformer, the revenge of the fallen.i don't know what was my feeling about the movie.im just like, hmm it's nice but not like blown away like lawr.HAHA.

so after muvee we went to buy doughnuts and ate it at startbucks.actually only sani the one who treat us doughnuts.HAHA.then,camwhoring for a while with the new sunnies.after that we all straight away headed back to home.

*end*

uniten

2009-07-12T00:45:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

lots of things happen in my life lately.i x sempat want to blog about it and i also cannot really recall what had happened in my life for the past two or three weeks.

let's start with 27 jun 2009.

it was the registration day.reached uniten admin building at around 1.30 to 2 like that.after register, went to the apartment.the apartment was so dirty like hell.at that moment i don't feel like staying there at all.i just wanted to go home and forget about study forever.however.of course cannot la.so cleaned up the room but still the room is still so dirty like hell.went to eat dinner at the carpark there. after dinner, all the kakak fasillator give some taklimat about the orientation.this is all that i can recall for 27 jun 2009.and my roommate is Tee Jing Ning and my housemates are Yeow Su Lee and Chan Fui Ling.and sulee is aillie's ns friend.like so berjodoh only can same house with her.then some more same course, same uni, same orientation group.HAHA.

then 28 jun 2009.

it was sunday.we woke early in the morning just to take our breakfast.stupid wan.i rather don't wake up that early to eat.i thought it was compulsory or whatever.then after breakfast could not sleep so online using big sis laptop.then around 2 like that suddenly mummy came brought all the mop, broom, stuff la like cleaning house aids.then suddenly the kakak fasillator shouting at down the apartment calling everyone down.lucky we haven't start cleaning the house yet.we were about to start cleaning the house at that moment.then we got lo some this stupid ceramah yang tak berfaedah langsung.i was like so rushing and all the rules were like so strict cannot wear this la cannot wear that la.i like had to run up and down for three times.eventually, i end up wearing my shirt terbalik.so after that ice breaking.lucky sulee was in the same group with me, mass g.if not i will be like a lost pig following other people here and there like a dumbo.after dinner, all the stupid ceramah started la.then around 11 only went home then slept at around 12 woke up at 5 on the next morning.

ORIENTATION WEEK

so orientation week like officially started like on sunday.everyday we had to wake up 5 and sleep at around 12 like that.and the stupid orientation is like so stupid and tiring.but somehow, as the day pass, i started to get used to the routines and enjoying it.but when im started to be in the comfort zone, everything ended.i cannot really recall what happened during orientation.i only can remember that got lots of crappy ceramah.but got one ceramah which is really fun and very inspirational.i love the talker very very much.like for the first time i didn't talk to su lee during ceramah and whenever su lee talk to me i told her to shhh.HAHA.i also enjoy some ldk activity. and i met one very the cute fasillator.i don't know what is his name but i only know that he is 23 and very the yeng.i called him yeng -ish.he is like really yeng and even sulee also said that.HAHA.

hmm.i didn't get much friends during orientation.i only get to know few persons only.like usual, i will always stand at one corner and pull my sour face and show it to everyone.after seeing my face, no one will be interested to be friends with me.HAHA.so on the last day of orientation i felt like we were like graduating.like got sad and touchy moments.i also sad because i cannot get to see yeng-ish anymore.:(

then after that, got this one stupid activity at kelompok.it's very stupid and i feel regret for not going home earlier.around 7 like that big sis picked me up.

first day of class

BORING.i don't like physics teacher.or should i say lecturer.he look like some kind of genius freak yang sangat kedekut ilmu.HAHAH.then, the maths teacher sucks and english teacher quite fun la.so after class went home sleep then clean the house.we like washed the floor because the floor is like so dirty to mop.then, washed the toilet, wipe all the cupboard then everything done already.now the house really feels like home.plus, sulee also brought a tv from her house.

second day of class

BORING + SLEEPY = HELL.

i so hate all the classes.all the classes are not fun except for english i think.i don't like computing skills class a lot.i really don't like the class.first of all the class is two hours.then, it's on the evening.then the lecturer is so boring and trying to act sporting.
after finish the last class at don't know around what time, i, su lee, fui ling and jing ning went swimming.then at swimming pool, we met some arabian people that are horny and desperate for love.there is like a guy name abbas stalking sulee.my stalker not that teruk like sulee's.the guy like understand after i telling him that i have bf.HAHA.i lied and he is very stupid to fall for it.so after swimming, went to upten to eat and abbas treat us eat.abbas like dressed so formally just to go to a food court to eat.like very weird.then ali like kena wrapped in a latex like that because his clothes were like so tight.HAHA.after dinner we fast fast went home.

third day of class

i cannot remember what happened.yea i really cannot remember what happened.i just can remember that we went swimming again with izzati and her friends.like so hard only get to find her.before this i like lost contact forever after orientation.after swimming went to upten to eat dinner again.

forth day of class.

as usual, the classes are BORING + DULL = makes me feel sleepy.i was thinking how come all my lecturers are always in wan.i thought people said lecturers are like very busy and hardly can meet us during class.everyday i wish for 'please there is no class today'.haiya.i sound like a anak yang sangat tak guna.my parents sent me there to study la.but i really cannot tahan the boring-ness of the classes and the sleepiness that the classes caused to me.so went to gym at around 5 like that.the gym was like so not fun at all.the equipment there very limited and there got lots of guys working out and the really smelly lor.around 7 like that papa picked me up and i left my hp at the apartment and i have no class on friday.

lots of pics to upload la.but right now all the pics are not with me.i will upload it la when free.

*end*

my art of photography

2009-06-26T01:42:00.007+08:00

little enen in her hot tub

i want that jeep.

siu lai lai

sitting like a quuen

if u guys are wondering, that is an ant

it's raining

plankton

scarylittleplant

the pelakon utama is the plant

fat bitch.

ginnie

catching an insect

miaow

it's not like what are u thinking right now.

willy.

two pussy cats

plants form under the sea.

reminisce

2009-06-25T23:49:00.011+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i miss high school very much.i miss all my classmates.i also miss all the teachers.well, maybe not all but some.i miss chemistry class where we always to goof around at the back without the teacher noticing.i miss when we like faking that we were playing roller coaster.i also missed dancing latin dance with pui with our mouth wide opened because pui said the people dance latin always opened their mouth big.i miss gossiping at the back of the class.i miss curi curi - ing taking pictures at the back of the chemistry lab.i miss the canteen where i and lawr always stay back and ate our lunch till 3 or 4 like that when we were in form 4.i miss when we all gather around and kutuk pn jamilah sampai nak mati.i miss pn mumtaz's classes and the way she always called us mangkuks.i missed assembly.i miss spotcheck.i miss co-coriculum.i miss disiplin room.i miss kena gantung sekolah.HAHA.i miss going to teacher's room.i miss pn puva boring sejarah classes.i miss kuanmay mother's nasi lemak.i also miss exam and the stress caused by exam and studying toghether for exam.i miss homeworks.i miss pj classes.i miss walking to the lab.i miss to kutuk pn halimah also.i also miss sitting with jason at biology lab chatting.haha.he seems the perfect penganti of lawr at that moment.HAHAHA.i miss kutuk the headmaster also.i miss hearing all the giggle sounds make by the other classmates at class especially shamini.i miss the harmonious of 5 setia's class.i miss everything about high school.

during photoshooting for school's magazine

he looked like a sailor

in toilet

at pizzahut celebrating po's bday

at chemistry lab

im the mangsa kejadian

5 setia year '08

aillie and me

whispering something to aillie

at puncak bukit.

im disturbing azreen and lawr yang sedang bersanding

he deserved that punch.HAHA

newly wed.aillie and mr theng

no one seems to notice me.im invisible.

the new design of a trophy.

i love pn puva

lawr is holding a bottle of champagne to celebrate our graduation from high school.

it's not like what u are thinking.im not picking shim's nose

this pic is about someone taking someone taking other people's pics.

i love u guys!!
thank u for all the sweet memories and supports when i needed support.

as we go on,
we'll remember,
all the time we have together,
as our live change,
come whatever,
we'll still be friends forever.

*end*

i don't know what is the title of this post?

2009-06-25T00:39:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

again!i cannot open blogger at mozilla.i don't know why is my mozilla always got problems with blogger.is it because i blog too much?HAHAHA.

i think im getting sick and i cannot be sick because this saturday i will going to start study.my body temperature is like rising till my head could feel the heat and make feel like very headache and and ... i don't know.

all my good mood already gone because ramesh just told me that during orientation at uniten, it will be like a boot camp.so all the excitement that i feel before this already gone like that.and so because of this, i some more cannot get sick.

yea yea i know i keep on like uniten this uniten that.i also don't know why?i should just keep my mouth shut and stop complaining anymore about uniten this and that.

so, just now i like tried to pack all my clothes.and all the bag could not fit in all the clothes that im bringing.i thought i had already bring little shirts.i don't want to bring like so many bags.later everyone will like look at me.i want to keep low profile.HAHA.because everyone always think that im a rich spoil brat which is so not me.it's the opposite of me because im not rich or spoil.i don't know why people always have that kind of expression about me.

i don't know why but people always seems to get the wrong expressions about me.they always think that im snobish, fierce and cold - hearted person.haha.actually, i don't know why they think that im like that.maybe because of my kemasaman muka and i don't talk to people.HAHA.actually i think that im the shy girl kind.yea i know whoever reading this will like laugh and saying ' har grace shy o, walaoweh'.but i think it's true la.that's why i don't go talking to people first.then, i also got very bad communication skill.i always make people dislike me when they talk to me.HAHA.i tend to say stupid things although i don't mean it or stupid things always slip out from my mouth.and i don't do jokes and im not clever to laugh at one when it is not funny.and im also very memilih kawan.if i don't like that person, i don't want to friend with them at all.so, i don't have good socialising skill.

now, im chatting with pui at msn.chatting with her make feel stressed.HAHA.i don't know why.she said that i always like to matikan perbualan.so when im like replying her i have to think, hmm whether this sentence like mematikan perbualan or not.another prove that i don't have good communication skill.

i suddenly feel like becoming a lawyer.i think i should be a lawyer.i don't know why.i think should like berkhidmat kepada masyarakat and fight for woman's right.haha.but then, im like kind of scared when i like put a rapiest into jail then when the psycho guy out from jail he will find me.u know la.all the kesulitan that will dihadapi by a lawyer.enemies, revenge and all that kind of things la.plus, mummy also not letting me to be because there is lots of risks.

i also think that i should become lots of other stuff like fashion magazine editor, fashion designer, photographer, wedding planner, script writer and etc.lots of things that i want to become but somehow i don't know why i end up choosing civil engineering.maybe because i think that i could do more with civil engineering.maybe because civil engineering is more relevant to me.HAHA.

papa like to tease big sis nowadays.some how i feel that is funny.HAHA.he always like to tease big sis going out with this one malay guy.i don't know la what are they, dates or just friends.but papa like to tease them like berulang kali.HAHA.he also like to tease me for onlining so late at night like'hmm, don't know who always online till so late at night' then go and complain at mummy that maybe i at campus also will like that.he acted like a adik yang sangat suka mengadu.HAHA.

im very irritated with this stupid internet.i don't know why is the connection is like so what.it keep on terputus since the last two hours.then im like blogging here have like to start all over again.so bladdy irritating la this tm net!!i will stop crapping here la.because i want to start packing all the clothes to check whether there is enough space or not fit in all my clothings or not.

*end*

im happy today.FINALLY.!

2009-06-24T17:37:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i feel happy today.i no more longer in the moody mood already.but actually i woke in the morning with a pissing mood because of i don't know why.then, i thought in my heart there goes again another day of my holiday with moody mood.then somehow, my mood start to get better.

well, i don't know why.maybe because there are something make up my day.like :

agyness deyn!i suddenly like very obsess with her.
i help to bath the little naughty enen.i get to help mummy and spend more times with enen before going to uniten
i have done washing everything that need to bring to uniten.
i have done washing the toilet.im like so yuckie with the toilet since forever
i prepared lunch for meiyi after she back from school.and she enjoyed and appreciate it very much
big sis is not coming tonight that means i can use the computer all to myself till like 4 in the morning.HAHA.

so doing some work or helping people can help to boost up your mood rather than just lying down at the bed moody - ing and hoping things to get better.

be right back at the night to crap more.HAHA.

*end*

I LOVE AGYNESS DEYN

2009-06-23T13:55:00.009+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i suddenly very in-love with agyness deyn.she is my new obsession.haha.

agyness deyn is the next supermodel or kate moss.

well, everyone always says that she is the next kate moss because she is only 1.73 m.like kate moss, she is only around 1.7 m ++ like that.

i LOVE agyness deyn very very muchie.i don't know why?maybe because of her short cute hair and her flawless cute pretty face.her short hair may look tomboyish but somehow she still look very feminine or maybe the prettiest tomboy ever.

i love agyness, i love agynees, i love agyness, i love agyness.

isn't that she is pretty and cute.
HAHA.i sound like a crazy lesbian freak.
still i love her and she is like my inspiration to everything although she tak ada kena mengena with anything of what am i doing.

*end*

still living but i'm barely breathing

2009-06-23T13:08:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i have a boring life.im feeling so boring right now.i don't know what to do and not in the mood to do anything.all i can think about is nothing.

my body is feeling so not right.my stomach is feeling so uncomfortable.i don't know what is wrong but i know it just feel not right.my chest is paining like what i said before.im feeling nausea and feel like vomiting.i don't know why.maybe because eating too much durians.yea i know u will like think durian ewww.but i like durian very much.but after eating it, my stomach feel so uncomfortable so i drank milk.then when i drank milk, my stomach feel more uncomfortable, and also feeling nausea and like vomiting.i also feel like shitting and i glad that i shit.because i know by shitting what every make me feel uncomfotable in my stomach goes out already.but still my stomach feeling so uncomfortable.

i also don't have the appetite to eat anything and i feel like sleeping or lying down one whole day.

so i don't know what is wrong with me.

im onlining now but i don't what to do.go to friendster and facebook do nothing much.friendster is boring and facebook is for people who like to do quiz.

my brain is so blank right now and the nerve impulses in my body is like moving so slow because i hardly could interpret anything right now in my brain.and again, i don't know what am i doing and crapping here.my life is so boring and dull.my brain is so blank and i need some kind of inspiration to boost up my mind.so i don't know what to do already and crap.i just keep my mouth shut only la because this is not helping at all.

*end*

everyone seems to go against me

2009-06-22T20:11:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

today i feeling so pressured and not right.i don't know what is the not right feeling but i know it's lots of negative and uneasy feelings.

i suddenly feel very pissed with everyone for no good reasons because they seems to irritate me.

i don't know why, i don't know why, i don't know why.

i also feel that everyone is going against me.they always do something that im very pissed or irritated with.i know it's like their right to do what ever damn thing they want but somehow it really irritates me although its' really make no sense because what they do is their freedom la.

especially with this mummy.i really angry with her today.she really getting on my nerve.no matter how many time i try to explain something to her, it's not use because she didn't seems to get anything from what am i saying.and sometimes she make my life really harder.especially during this particular moment.

im also very irritated with ME the person.i don't know why.but all my heart's says also seems to go against me.i don't know why is it so hard to controll what my heart or brain says.all these little talkings in my brain really make me lose my mind and doesn't help me at all.it make me really make me feel like lossing my mind.why is it so hard to be optismistic?the more i try to be positive the more negative i get!

and i don't want start study yet.i don't want to start the new life.even before it started it already causes too much pressure in me.seems like not a good sign and not a good way to start something.

stupid stupid stupid.

i need a sweet escape!!!!

*end*

more craps.

2009-06-21T02:04:00.015+08:00

dear bloggie,

here i am again blogging about nothing and as there is no any more chance to blog again.so this is my only 87 th post.i cant wait to reach 100 th post.i don't know why.

so, another week more to the newly life that will be formed at uniten soon.excited?not at all.only God know whys.no matter how many times i tell the others that im scared they seems to don't understand it.so meiyi like suddenly getting emo that im going to shift to uniten.she like suddenly SO emo.i don't know why.when im like tengah sad but she didn't bother at all.then when im like done wit sad-ing, then suddenly she like started to be sad.and she give lots of crappy advises.reminds me of the poem If.but this advise is from a small sis to her bigger sis.and she asked me to don't lupa diri.HAHA.im like huh?so i don't know what's wrong with her?she has been acting weirdly a bit lately.

there is still lots need to do.apply for PTPTN, medical check up and buying stuff.so, there is like really lots lots of stuff need to buy and when the total budget come out i really feel guilty for spending so much money because i know all these would not happen if i study the damn form 6 like what mummy wanted.sometimes, i feel guilty for not following mummy advises and go against her and also be very rude to her.but sometime, i cannot stand her because she doesn't seem to understand thing that im trying to say or me the person.i wish if i could be more obedient.so, i promised that i will study very hard to score good mark and make her proud and feel regret that she asked me to study form 6.HAHA.

suddenly, i realized that there is lots of things that i have been missed to post them at blog.like last day of high school, spm result day and the day before spm result day.that would be very interesting.haha.faham faham la.like in everyone's blog will post about their feeling before spm result day only i don't have the chance to do it.so i only have these few days to post this.but if la i can recall what happened on the particular day.

nowadays, i always get lots of chest pains.i don't know why.then start la all the thinking like im having heart attack or maybe breast cancer.but really la, it feels pain like a shot of pain stinging my heart and sometimes i feel like someone squeezing my heart.when i feel all these pains, i will like struggling to gasp for some air because i like hardly can breathe at the moment.seriously and im not exaggerating it.

so, i have aim some few things in my life.before this i don't have any aims and that's why i feel life is unworthy to life.but it's different when we have some few aims.

aims of my life

1. score 3.8 and above of ccgpa point
2. study hard and graduate and get a high prospect job with my civil engineering degree cert
3. be the best design engineer
4. buy a big house for my parents to redeem all their hardworks to raise me up
5. buy a ford mustang car
6. get a private pilot license.(i really really wanted to fly a plane)
7. buy my own personal plane
8. adopts lots of kids
9. join a mission at africa to help the people there
10. travel to taiwan and china
11.learn how to speak chinese fluently especially mandarin
12.build a very incredible building and get a noble prize for it,HAHA
13.bungee jumping
14.see a live MILAN FASHION SHOW
15.be an amatur photographer
16.see einstein's brain
17.be on TV(being asked a opinion doesn't count atleast be a pelakon tambahan in a series or advertistment)
18.fight for woman's right
19.fix the world ? (impossible!)
20.have my own fashion label

i starting to like this blockquote thing.HAHA.

*end*

craps.

2009-06-21T00:18:00.011+08:00

dear bloggie,,

now i feel like crapping the hell out of me and i've just realized how much i love blogging.

today, i had cleaned up the house.well, not totally but i cleaned big sis's room which totally tak ada kena mengena with me but i do it also anyway and my own room and also little on the hall.i don't know why i cleaned big sis's room.it just happen spontaneously.im like going through her stuff that she left it at the hall because i want to clear the hall at first but then i like start packing her stuff.so with an unconscious mind, i started to shift all her stuff back to her room that she had left it in the hall since she back from cyber.if im sober, definitely i would not be cleaning up her room.actually, i wanted to clean her room for long long time ago but i didn't get the chances and too lazy to bother.the dust in her room is like so thick and lessen up the oxygen in the room.and there is like so many spider web at her ceiling and she has like three spider yang sedang hangat membiak and even the lizard that stay behind the cupboard ran out and i saw it is black in color.where got lizard that is black in color?well, it's because the dust make it black in color la.so today, she is out somewhere only God know where she is going.she's like suddenly just disappear like that.then, i also take the chances to buat baik at her since i never buat baik at her before and clear her dirty room.i even like help her pack all her stuff yang bersepah orderly and definitely cleaner.even the desktop which was so dusty looks shinier already.and now i can breath in healthy air.so, today i did a good deed to my big sis.

today, i also got the news that grandma at papa side is admitted to hospital.why nowadays my grandma keep on admitted into hospital? well, she admitted to the hospital because her eyes got ulcer?like huh?but don't know why, i didn't feel anything in my heart.the worst part is im don't bother at all.i don't know why.yea i know.i sound like cucu yang sangat tak guna but i don't know la.maybe because i start to get used to all these things.like every each week sure got news that grandma admitted to hospital.but this grandma case is quite serious also.she has to replace her cornea if not she will be blind.so they got a pair of match cornea already.THANK GOD.so now just need to do the operation then she will be just good as usual.so tomorrow will be going to visiting grandma at H.U.M.

so.now im onlining.just now i tried to blogging at mozilla.but then suddenly i don't know what error occur.when i clicked at the new post button, there will be like only plain page pop up and im like tried for thousands of time panicking and pissing because i want to blog.i really like and addict to blogging and especially with my this robotic blogskin make me feel like blogging more although it's craps only.suddenly i realized that i really like blogging and sometimes blogging make up my day.even when im feeling down and i just pour out all the uneasy feelings in my heart, i will feel better.and blogging is a healthy activity and is worth it to used to all the electricity for hours that can contribute to global warming.i sound like a useless earthlings.so now u know why i love blogging because i thought i had lost the chances to blog forever.eventually, i open i.e to blogging.

currently im listening to cute is what we aim for.i didn't listen to them for ages already because im like bored with their songs.but now im like addict to their songs back and they really rock!especially shaant hacikyan.

enough for my crappy craps yang tak guna and tak dapat contribute to masyarakat.i just stop right here because i really feel like crapping and this craps can go all night.

ok, i' ll just stop here.

ps : blogging at i.e is sucks.mozilla is better.

*end*

the ugliness of humans (a week more to my new life)

2009-06-19T16:51:00.006+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i realized that humans nowadays are out of their mind.sometime they do things that are really cross the line already.they are so scary.sometimes im scared to live among humans.seriously.and this thinking also make me feel scared to go uniten and live at outside world alone not depending on someone and feeling protected when being with family members.i have to start to be independents and learn how to take care of myself while being at the outside world with psychotic people.these people had already make the world like a hell.i wonder whether is this is a part of human nature?people cannot be trusted easily because they are so smart at pretending good so we will not know whether they are fake or what.it's hard to live always feeling suspicious towards people.humans are scary!here is the 10 facts of the ugly side of humans.believe it or not, i wrote it myself.humans behaviour that make me notice this.even sometimes i also have some of these ugly sides in me.

10 facts about the ugly sides of humans

1.humans are always tend to hurt each other feeling even their loved one.somehow they get some kind of satisfaction in their heart when seeing the others are hurt by them.

2.humans are fake and like to lie a lot.they will act good in front of u and get whatever the goods that they can get from u and leave u when there is no any good that they can get already.

3.humans are nasty little creatures that have bad hearted and always like to see the worst of the others or bitching about the others because that make them feel good about themselves.

4.humans like to show off and boast about themselves in front of the others to make the others feel bad about themselves but actually they are the one who feel bad about themselves or jealous with the others.

5.humans are selfish and like to back-stab the others for their own benefits even the others are their close one

6.humans are racist.although u will think that u are 100 % sure that u are not racist but actually deep deep in your heart there will still be a very little racism in your heart.

7.humans are greedy and never ever will be grateful with what they have

8.humans are cruel.they like to hurt each other physically because they think have the power to do like that but actually, we humans are in the same level.

9.humans like to steal from each other and jealous with others when they have nice possesions.

10.humans like to discriminate each other and divides the people to classes or group.

*end*

9 days more to my new life at uniten

2009-06-18T13:49:00.012+08:00

dear bloggie,,

my more than half a year holiday will going to end in 9 days more.sobsobsob.i don't want to start study soon.i don't feel that im ready yet ; emotionally, mentally and physically.i wonder how will my brain start to interpret stuff that im going to study soon.and the stuff im going to study is not light stuff but really heavy stuff like calculus,well stuff like that la.but what i know there will be lots of number swirling in my mind like tornadoes and i would get a real bad headache after looking at all these number after 3o seconds.then there also will be lots of formulas to memorize but now that my brain is already hard like a rock would definitely having hard time to memorize all the formula or definitions or other craps.well u know la.all the stuff that has to to with science will always have lots of number, definitions and formulas.i wonder how all these things exist.who invent all these crap.how come they are like too free to investigate this and that or interpret or observing their surrounding to invent craps that will menyusahkan generasi muda yang akan datang.don't they have social life or maybe because they are like too smart and dorky then they don't have friends.HAHA.evil opinion.who says people that are dorky and nerdy cannot have friends.maybe they are WEIRD but don't discriminate these people la.haha.even im also one of them.the most important is someone heart.haha.corny me.

hmm.yea.just ignore my sarcasm and racism about uniten in my last post.i have been doing lots of thinking lately. i think thinking is a healthy activity as thinking can make u mature dari segi pemikiran and the mind will start to develope it's curious-ness.haha.so it's a good healthy thing. here what i have been thinking lately.i think that i should not discriminate or look at people by their dressing or skin color.i always do that and it's not good.i think that the most important is the people are sincere.nowadays i really scared of human being nowadays.their animal side in themselves like semakin menjadi-jadi.they are really scary and full of bad intentions in their heart under their fake friendly or kind face toward us. it's very scary as human are really unpredictable.so, now i wont mind what kind of friends that i will be having in uniten.i just hope i will have friends that are kind, sincere, not fake, loud, talkative, open-minded, well in short words same like me.haha. i know i won't find the people that i really want.if i want to find these people maybe i can just drag lawr, pui or po or maybe suba and wong to uniten together with me.i just hope the friends that i will get are and sincere and most important not fake no matter what are their skin color.

but still im very scared to start the new phase in my life.i really feel very scared and the pressure in my head getting heavier whenever i think about the new life that im going to start soon in 9 days more.i have to stay away from home with strangers that i might never meet my whole life and then suddenly i have to share room and house with the someone for the next five years.i also very scared that im might be getting room mates that might have very weird habits like they only like to wear their undies on only.haha.still ok la.but what if the person like likes to brush her armpit with her tooth brush or eat her tahi hidung.OMG.i really hope that i won't meet people with weird habits.

plus, im the person that very hard to make new friends.haha.like at first when i shift to smkjb,i only have like two close friends and the others are like classmates only.then, when during form4 i only started to have more friends.u see.i take a year to have friends.i don't know why but people say that the my kemasaman muka always make people distant from me.like hafiz.he is always get very irritated with my muka yang masam.i never thought that my face is so masam.so, i also will be having hard time to suit myself into new environment and strangers.

so 9 days more left.i have to start to shift in to uniten on 27 june and the next day, orientation start for a week.

holiday only have 9 days left.list to do before holiday end :

list to do before holidays end

1. help mummy to clean the house ; washing toilets, mopping floor, cleaning her kitchen, etc
2. go for one last more shopping spree
3. watch transformer
4. clean the room ! the room is so fucking messy
5. my wardrobe makeover?
6. wash all my pink tote bags
7. visit the school that had burnt badly
8.blogging, blogging, blogging till the hell out of me while i still have the chance.
9. do lots and lots more of thinking
10. ?????

so far these only my list to do and im still thinking.

*end*

going to blogskin can do u harm ( 10 days left )

2009-06-18T11:36:00.006+08:00

dear bloggie..

phewwh,, FINALLY!! i have done finish editing my new blogskin.I have officially spent like almost one days one this blogskin.i even search for this blogskin for like almost 3 hours? i don't know la.but around that la.then when editing the html codes,, lots of error suddenly occur with this
or

or
or

sign.like huh?all these got different wan r?like all these signs can make big differences.like if the sign not suppose to be there but at there then suddenly u will see all the boxes overlapping each other or the word overlapping each other.so im like try to edit this html codes like for 5 times.starting all over again when all that i have done editing tak menjadi.downloading the template like for 4 times like that.i even almost given up on this template also.but when it come out, it didn't like wow also.it just a normal robotic wallpaper blog.but however, i like it very much.so i like edit the template for the fifth time from 11 to 3.30 something.almost like 4 fucking hours i have wasted from my holidays that is going to end soon.i even like view myself for 200 ++ times i think.HAHA.

LESSON OF THE DAY
so,just let not go to blogskin again.if not, we will like start searching for the blogskin then when we couldn't find any, we wouldn't stop because we will feel not satisfied until we find one, then when find one already we will spend like years on it to edit all the html codes that can cause migraine to people.

PS:haiya,i don't know what am i crapping!why all my statement like bertentangan with each other?if u understand la what am i saying.

*end*

SMKJB was on fire

2009-06-14T01:48:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

smkjb was burnt like a few days ago by some nasty people who are brainless.these people are like very stupid and tidak memikirkan akibat yang akan menimpa orang lain.hah.why am i like suddenly so aggresive.but seriously la, these people really stupid la.so free got nothing to do meh.go and burn the school.think only they go to the school r?only their school r?like so pity all teachers.all their precious books which use as teaching aids just turned into ashes like that only because of orang yang tak berhati perut.especially pn mumtaz's books.i can remember that she said she very sayang all her books when i and the others want to borrow for forum competition.she even asked us to take care of the books properly and if there any wrong with the books she will like kerjakan us.then,everything just turned into ashes like that.especially all the test papers.so pity meiyi.she like study so hard to answer the test paper but eventually her test paper just burnt like that and she also could know how well she did.like really stupid la these people.i really wonder what were they thinking while they planning to burnt the school?very very very stupid la them.i really like cannot stand their stupid-ness la.stupid people.these people are uncivilized brainless people that just came out from cave eating raw meat their whole life.

I LOVE MIDV

2009-06-14T00:42:00.007+08:00

dear bloggie,,

this week i went to MIDV THREE times.haha.i love and missed midv so muchie lor.first, i went to midv with meiyi on tuesday when coming back from segambut.we like stopped by at midv for a while because i want to see whether there is still got sales or not.and the big sales is still going on and im like so happy.so we like went here and there to see things that i want to buy and to do budget so that i would know how much to ask from mummy when want to go to shop the next day.im like so mengada.HAHA.

for the second time, i went with po, pui, wong, pohteng and kuanmay.then we like went shopping and i bought a pair of wedges which i wanted to buy so badly since forever.also bought a black skinny pants from nichii.i only bring two hundreds and the money like just gone like that.let's see how i spend.

black wedges - rm60
black skinny pants - rm69.90
lunch - rm11 something
pay po rm43 which i borrowed from her since hari kecemerlangan
movie - rm7

at first we walked for a while.the suddenly everyone is hungry then went to the garden to find place to eat because pui said the garden got alot of nice food to eat.then walke and walked also cannot find then went back to midv to eat.then,we ate lunch at spaghetti's grill.nice and cheap.for the kind of place can say cheap also lor.rm9.95++ for lunch set.ate the lunch set that got a plate of spaghetti and drink.and the drink can refill.haha.so cheap wan me.so i ate seafood pasta.po, pui and wong order anglio e olio.the po like ermmm order this one very nice wan.then the wong like err, how wan?.then the po like err very creamy wan.haha.then when the anglio e olio came already, it's a very dry vegetarian with olive oil as the sauce spaghetti.haha.after ate lunch went to vincci to buy my black wedges. ;)

some pics.

at the garden

at spaghetti's grill

po is missing

i look retarded.

ps : i look very ugly in all the pics.i don't know how to adjust my face with my new hair.haha.

after that went to muvee.watched 17 again.nice muvee.at first im like yerr because zaf efron act then it's actually nice and funny to watch but still it's zac efron act.

so after muvee, walked for a while then po, wong, pohteng, and kuanmay went home at around 4.30.so left me and pui.then we walked and walked suddenly found a tidbits store.i really like the place la.got a lot of nice tidbits and candy.i spent around rm20 on tidbits.then,we take train at 8.30 and reached kajang around 9 something like that.

for the third time, i went alone on friday.it was not planned.mummy need to go to putrajaya hospital to take medicines.big sis fetching her there.then they also wanted to cut hair so they will like pass by kajang.then suddenly, got an idea pop up in my mind to go to midv.i wanted to go to midv again because i want to change my shoe size.i accidentally bought the wrong size.i supposed to choose 5 instead of 6.maybe because i was wearing thights.i don't know la.then i also like pujuk mummy to give me money to buy handbag.i saw one really nice on wednesday but then i got no money to buy and i don't want to ask pui borrow me money again.so went to buy the handbag and go home.reach kajang around 5.

ps : I LOVE MIDv

*end*

taking care of my sick grandma

2009-06-13T23:39:00.007+08:00

dear bloggie,,

last saturday i went to grandma house again to take care of her because my auntie got a holy spiritual meeting at penang.so she will be away for few days and she called mummy to help to take care of my sick grandma and my old grandpa.she said that she will be back on sunday night like that.but then, she cannot come back like how she planned.then, mummy also had to come back because enen the naughty girl is coming back on monday morning.so, she left me and meiyi there to take care of grandma till tuesday.

the exprience of taking care of her was like being in a hell.i really cannot stand her any longer.i don't know what is the wrong with her.she likes to complain and complain.she complains too much la till grandpa also will really get sick of her already.only meiyi with the pure noble heart can stand her.she like complain about every single thing.like her porridge is too watery.her leg pain is killing her, water too cold and even when people like open her porridge cooker to check whether the porridge is cooked or not she also like "woiii, don't open the cover".then when got visitor come and visit her she complain that to the visitor.really very irritating.she also really not considerate at all.like really yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.she like really like to menyusahkan grandpa.she like could not give him a break.and he also old, not really strong already.she like could not give him some times to restor see him in peace, just want him all by her side and do this and that for her.like got one time, her leg like really pain, then she like cannot stand nad keep crying then grandpa was like out in a restaurant fot breakfast, then she asked meiyi to go out to find him.like WTF?!cannot for a while for him to come back.some more if granpa is back, what much he can do she just will complain to him only.then also got one morning, she asked grandpa to wake up and climbed up the stairs to call me and meiyi yto wake up 5 in the morning just to carry up to put her to sit.why she like so not considerate.people like sleeping anmd granpa also sleeping and he also like have difficulty in walking, she some more asked him to climb up the stairs.then after that when put her to sit already, she like keep woiii at people there disturbing people sleeping.then she keep on ask granpa to cook her porridge at 6 in the morning because she want to eat at 11.30 in the morning.like huh?want to eat at 11.30 but asked people cook at 6.then grandpa said don't need to cook so early wan la later the porridge hangus lor.the she like don't care and keep on bug him only.then at last grandp a also give up and go cook for her and said "haiya, u cannot sleep why also want other people cannot sleep".at that moment i really like lose my temper already.i really wanted to scold her so badly so that she will like sedar but then i know that i cannot do that.yhen around at two something in the after noon on tuesday,, suddenly auntie back already.im like so happy because i would not need to take care of grandma already.i really cannot stand her any longer.i wonder how grandpa can stand her for his whole life.so quickly packed and auntie sent us to ktm to take train to kajang.im so glad that i don't need to stand her anymore.i really going to lose my mind if i had to stand her any longer.seriously, u would not know how i feel.but i kind of pity grandpa because now he had to take care of grandma alone and i kind of feel guilty to left them happily while grandma is like so sick and granpa really need some helps to take care of grandma.

then also there is this one auntie visitor really sacarstic.she like really kutuk me nad meiyi bermati - matian for not knowing how to speak hakka.then this grandpa also like to speak with us in malay although we understand hakka and know how to speak hakka a little maybe because he used to talk to us in malay when we were smaller.then the auntie like overheard and she like quickly take the chance to kutuk me and meiyi said tha "aiyo, so kesian r, must talk to grandchildren in malay.so cham wan u."something like that la and she also like said that grandpa like very malang to have us as grandchildren.

some nice moment also lor while being at grandma house.

WE WERE SITTING ON THE MANGO TREE TRUNK.

MY BEST SISTER EVER.

HAHA.IM THE MALAYSIA'S NEXT TOP MODEL.

i also feel really bad also because blog so much bad thing about grandma and she is like lying down on her bed now suffering.but really la, she like suffer, she also has to make the others suffer together with her.i jus will pray hard in my heart that she will heal faster.

I'M SORRY GRANDMA FOR BITCHING SO MUCH BAD THINGS ABOUT YOU.

*end*

in the crappy mood

2009-06-05T15:45:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

my holiday is ending soon.there is like another 24 days left to my new life at uniten.i don't want my holiday to end.wish that the holiday would not end.why is it time pass so fast.i don't want to go back to the pressured student life anymore.i remember how is it feel.especially during exam.we will like read or study for hours and hours like hell then when finished reading or studying not even a single thing also enter our brain.then, also the sleeping disorder habits.OH.when i remember about the 'wonderful' memories about being a student,, it makes me feel so not wanting to go back to student's life.plus,, i will be going to uniten.like going to makkah to study.haha.no offends here.hehe.not wanting to be racist because im certainly not a racist person.but i feel that uniten is dominated by the malays.only few other races people that i can see.not only that i notice that even other people also notice that.and also lots of typical school rules like no hair dying, no above the knee clothes, this and that la.like so .... i don't know.where got other u or college have these such rules.but somehow i also feel kind of glad that im going to uniten.and why is it?don't know.just some part of me feels glad.stupid right feeling glad for not knowing the reasons.

so let me aim one thing first before start studying at uniten.that is always get 3.8 of my ccgpa point in every semester or exam.by putting this aim maybe i will just focus on my studies and study hard.

*end*

im so angry with everyone/thing

2009-06-02T02:28:00.004+08:00

dear bloggie,,

today i kind of feel pissed with everything.all the people in the world seems cannot stop bugging me.

first of all i feel kind of pissed with mummy.i really feel irritated with her because she suddenly like brought up the form6 topic.but it's not she and it's my auntie.then the auntie also like said i should do form 6 and why do mummy let me study at uniten.bla bla.if like people don't want to study then don't force people la.like if people like tak berminat study also won't got mood want to study mah.at this thing where can force force people wan.some more also not her bussiness.mind her own bussiness la.later she will like bermulut becok to everyone.then suddenly all the people will like scold me say me why don't i study form 6 bla bla.all these peoples are really conservatives and so suka hati wany to campur tangan at people punya hal and force people to do what people doesn't want to do.if other people also like force them do something they don't like see how they feel.

second, i feel disgust with someone.i should not dig over people personal stuff.now i know someone dirty secrets.but not for sure right that the person is like that right.and please la.OH GOD, why are my hands so itchy always have to go and dig over people personal stuff.

thirdly,i really irritated with the bastard la.why he cannot leave me alone.stop contacting me.why u cannot faham faham sendiri r?if people like didn't layan u thats mean the people don't want to have anything to do with u la.so stop being so muka tembok can or not.then some more want to use unknown num to sms me.think i don't know r.im not dumb like u la.

forth, i hate all the banquet peopla.ok la.maybe i don't hate them.i just dislike them.they are so very irritating la especially all those guys la.i don't know la but i think got this one guy like want to pikat me only.he like suddenly come up to me and said "grace, saya nak bagi tau u something, u sangat cantik la"then, he like giggle malu malu like that.then im like very disgust with him but pretend to be friendly with him like that.i really wish that thiban or james would be with me that moment,they sure will like protect me especially thiban.i so miss him.i miss working at cafe.

fifth,im also pissed with this computer.it's so irritating.i don't know what's your problem.why u so like to suka suka suddenly black out then im like tengah blogging everything like lost already.

sixth, im pissed that now i cannot online at night already because big sis is back for cyber forever because she had finished her studies already.so she will ocupy the computer at night which is so very unfair.and now im like can blogging in the middle of the night because she is sleeping-over at her friend's house.

why do i always let all these small things get over me.my life would be way more simpler if i just let all these things go.SO WHATEVER LA!I STILL FEEL PISSED!

*end*

sucks working at banquet

2009-06-01T22:48:00.002+08:00

dear bloggie,,

i felt like these two days that i worked at banquet really feels like hell.it seems like a nightmare to me.like today i cannot really recall what had really happened when i worked at banquet.it really feels like a nightmare la.ok let me tell on one by one first.

SATURDAY, 30 MAY 09

Occasion : Chinese wedding, dinner
num of reservations : 350 pax

the night before i worked i cannot sleep well.i went to bed at 2 something but i slept at 4 something.the next morning,, like around 11 something,, meiyi suddenly wake me up from sleep and told me that papa need to fetch to work earlier.ok so i reached the hotel around 12.30 something.then go to the locker room and sleep there.suddenly kak nurul message me said that at night the cafe need part time worker.but then i said i cannot work for cafe that night because need to work for banquet.but i really want to work for cafe but cannot la because i had promised the banquet people already.so saw kak nurul at the locker room chat for a while then went to banquet to start work.first, i sign in.later then i help this malay guy to iron the the table clothes.iron for almost like an hour also the table clothes still looked like crumpy or whatever because something wrong with the steam iron.went to break at 4.30 something like that.then did some little works in the ball room.after that got short briefing about what going to happen during the function.then work assigned.after that i had to serve the guest outside the ballroom before the guest enter in the ball.at that moment my hand like trembling because had to carry tray with lots of glasses on it.then i like had to bertahan so that i would not slip the tray off my hand and break all those expensive glasses in front of all the guest.it will be like so embarrassing.so i just try as best as i can not to slip the tray.after that, the dinner started.everyone enter the ballroom.start serving the food to the guest.serving food is the hardest part of all.first i had to serve the main course dish.after that clear all the bb plates.then start serve after dish.then clear all the dish and bb plates also.not like serving buffet like that.if buffet we just like clear the guest's plates one by one.so i really hate the serving food part.because the dishes were like so super heavy.then i have two short hands that very hard to put the dishes in the center of the table because people are like sitting and the tables were like very crowded with people.faham faham sendiri la what am i trying to say.haha.so after serving then had to clean all the bb plates and the main dish.see.the plates are like so big and heavy.then some more we had to walked round the table to clear the bb plates.then the space to walk is also very limited.like at anytime i could trip and fall and pour all the food to the guest.so work and work feeling very pressured and tired, finally the clock tick 11 already.i fast fast sign out although actually we had to stay until the function over and to help clear the places and set for tomorrow function.but im like fuck la.i couldn't be bother much because i really feel very very tired like hell and i just want to escape at that moment.so i quickly signed out and the next day i had to enter work at 7 in the morning.

SUNDAY, 31 MAY 09

Occasion : Malay wedding, lunch
num of reservations : 1000 pax

again.the night before i cannot sleep well also even like after working like hell and fell so bloody tired.i don't know why.like i have insomnia or what.so i don't know at what time only i sleep but u know when mummy wake me up in the morning i feel like i didn't sleep at all.like i just blink my eyes only suddenly "it's time to wok".so, bath the get myself ready for work.so signed in.first put napkins on the table.later tied ribbon on every each chair.after that got short briefing then went to break then back to work.so around 12.30 the guests started to come.the job was easier that day because like serving buffet like that la.so just like jaga servis buffet.not much work but i really feel tired because of yesterday work and plus i didn't get my good night sleep.so work with all those irritating bastard.then looked around and didn't do much work.i don't know what's wrong with them but they like shy and just like stand and one side and look at the guests only.so work and work then suddenly looked at the watch ey three already.so i told anand that i want to sign out.he thought that i sign out early because i had to help the cafe but then i told him that cafe got no reservations then he like very weird why i want to sign out earlier.then i told him that im very tired.then he looked at me like i very tak berguna.haha.then he asked if there any function again can he call me to work.my answer made he like more irritated with me.i like answer him dengan acuh tak acuh like that said err depends la.like so LCLY.haha.so i fast fast went home because i really could not stand any longer.so sign out and leave the hotel.

all these things happen like really quickly.i really feel very blurred like that.understand what am i trying to say.like all these things that happened in these two days are like so quickly and when i woke from sleep this morning it feels like didn't happen at all.like a nightmare like that.

so with my hair issues.some people give me positive comment some didn't.kak nurul, kak izah said nice i looked better.but then kak ayu and abang mal don't like my hair.the abang mal some more keep on like to ejek my hair.then, abang yus said that i look like cina.then im like huh.im cina la abang yus!hafiz didn't say anything that i think he would say.and i very surprised even i look very tomboyish or ugly? with this hair, the hotel guys are like still berminat to disturb me.im like huh.i thought no one will disturb me already.especially all the banquet guys yang kerempitan.i don't know la whether they are rempit or what.but somehow they are like kind of the typical goody malay boy.like when come to work they like bekerja dengan bersungguh sungguh.but they also like make me feel disgust la.i don't know la how they know me.i don't know them and i cannot recognized their faces because all the banquet guys look the same to me.they are like hi grace dengan sangat mengedik like that.something like that la.then im like look at them and hi even i don't know what's their name.i really don't want to layan them but i had to layan them nicely because i had to work together with them.then the girls i don't know la what's wrong with them.they are so mengedik,poyo dan mengada.

so all these nightmare finally end.when anand call me to work again. im not sure whether i would want to work again or not.the job is like very very hard and i don't like all the banquet people at all.even the paid is higher but i prefer to work at cafe more.when work with the banquet like so hard and only get rm5 per hour, i feel like not worth it.and i also like tak sanggup want to spend the money because i know that i work my ass like hell to get the money.but if work for the cafe, i feel more relax and don't even feel like working.i feel like .. i don't know.like doing nothing then someone give me rm4 per hour.get what i mean?

so whatever.i just feel so glad that everything had over and i don't want this nightmare to repeat again.

*end*

another hot night

2009-05-30T00:20:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

the temperature is like rising to 48 celcius though.it's so bloody hot la right now.even my hair is like super short already but i still feel so hot.

hmmm.tomorrow i have to my first day work at banquet.kind of scared la because i don't have friends and banquet work is like way much harder than cafe.because we have to serve 300 people at at time so it will be like more kelam kabut.but i also feel kind of thrilled to start work.haha because i will be meeting all the abang and kakak from cafe.then i think they sure will kutuk my hair.i know what hafiz will say.he will say "rambut tak boleh pendek lagi ke".he always like to say like that to me.like last time he saw my the biggy pink color bag, he said "beg tu tak boleh besar lagi ke".but not only him la.i don't know why everyone is like very irritated with my bag size.very what meh.kind of ecxited to work but also not wanting to work at the same time.i hope everything will go smoothly and all the banquet waiter and waitress won't be like so poyo.
another thing.now that my hair is like so super short already.it would like very funny when i put make up on.i will look like a drag queen.:(

this is just a short post to meluahkan my keresahan hati about going to work tomorrow and how hot is tonight.haha.

*end*

75th post

2009-05-29T14:42:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

haa.it's only my 75th post.i thought i going to reach 1ooth post like that.haha.since i like to crap so much.haha.whatever.

ok bloggie.here is the deal.i feel like a parasites or mayat hidup yang sangat tak berguna.and why is it?it's because i sleep late at around 4 like that then woke up at 1 like that.even waking up so late i also feel like going back to sleep one hour later i wake up from my sleep.i didn't do much to help my mother.i only heard she shouting around 11 everyday said that im useless, at night become ghosts disturb people here and there then day time sleep like a fat pig there.haha.i tried to change my sleeping habits but cant.i went to bed early like around 2 but then my eyes will not closed and sleep although my brain like send nerve impulses through my nerve to my eyes to ask it to sleep.haha.what crap am i crapping la.yea la.whatever la.something like this la.haha.

so besides my sleeping habits yang menyusahkan mummy, i also didn't help mummy much with the house chores.i only help to wash the dishes for lunch and dinner.that's all i guess.k la.sometimes i help to bath the naughty girl and prepare lunch for meiyi and the another annoying small sis after they back from school.then the other chores i won't be bother to do.haha.even meiyi goes to school and has homeworks and all need to do she also do more chores than me.really useless right me.i wish i can change but then i don't know la.my this waking up late habits like make me feel very super lazy.i feel like sleeping only all the time especially after eating lunch.haha.

so.now the house chores that i can do to help mummy is mop the floor and wash the toilet which i promised to myself that i will do it by this week.so sunday and saturday will not be the day because im working so the only option is TODAY.haha.then im like blogging here.

ok la.i just cut all the craps right here and get my fat lazy ass to work la.even im not wanting too.OH please la.don't be such a pig la me.so useless.

*end*

it's so bloody hot right now

2009-05-27T23:25:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

why on earth today is so bloody hot?seriously hot till getting on my nerve.i feel really hot and pissed.haha.seriously is so bloody hot like hell.then some more im also like so bloody headache right now for eyeing the pc for so long.searching pics from a new web that i just found-deviantart.com.got lots of nice and artistic pics.so my eyes are bloody painful and the wheather is getting on my nerve right now.stupid la.can this world get any worse???

k.enough of my irritating mengada dan poyo perangai.today i hed cut my hairs!AGAIN!i cut it my hair again just after one week i cut my hair.do u get what am i trying to say.i cut my hair again because my previous haircuts x menjadi which i want it to look like mushroom.but it didn't turn out to look like my mushroom but inflated ball.so im like so kecewa decided to cut my hair again and my haircuts right now is really really super short.but i like it.actually i didn't want to cut again but don't know which day i saw nick berardi haircuts which is very nice.some pics of it.

nice right.but my haircuts x menjadi.it didn't turn out to be like in the pics.then now my face look super chubby.*big sigh*.i like saved this pics to my hp then showed it to the aunty but i think the aunty like rabun cannot see properly.then she also like act profesional just look at a glance then she like ooo this wan r.i know la.then suddenly she also like don't what is she doing she just know that my hair need to be short.haha.but i kind of like my hair.it looks like mollie sue red haired girl from ANTM cycle 6.mummy also like my hair very much and she like kind of jealous.haha.

so nothing much to update.the banquet people already called me and they called me go to work on saturday and sunday.i like kind of scared want to work because i x ada kawan.haha.like so kiddy only.but i see all the banquet people like not friendly only and the ekin also keep on tell me that working at banquet very hard.i tried to pujuk ekin to work together but she going to study on 7 june so like no point working laso.plus i had to see the bladdy bastard.yee.

*end*

another midnight post

2009-05-25T01:10:00.005+08:00

dear bloggie,,

im so dizzy right now.i just finished stalking my old friends from jalan 4 school at friendster and myspace.it's been ages since i get in-touch with them.i wonder how's their life already.

nowadays i kind of lazy to blog.because when i stayed too long facing the pc i will get really headache.my head will feel really heavy and the light from the pc screen is hurting my eyes.maybe the color is not adjust properly.i think it's too bright already.hmm.whatever la.

yesterday i kind of like emo because i don't why.when i sign in msn and chat with few persons but the feeling is still there.im like not in the mood to chat but i don't why i chat with them and ending up the people i chatted with feel bored and whatever.i don't know what am i crapping.

im like kind of emo because on friday i went shopping.i saw lots of things that i want to buy but unfortunately i don't have the cash.i really wish that im a rich person who have gold platinum credit cards.then it would be like in a heaven.everytime when i saw something that i like i would just take out my credit cards to purchase the stuff without bothering to look at the price tag and think do i have enough money.*big sigh*.im not that fortunate to have that kind of luxurious life.not that i blamed my parents or my fate.just that i wish.it's like fate or story that had be writen before we born.like some people are born to be rich and some people born to be not so rich and some people born to be poor.so it's like our fate right.some people are just maybe more lucky than me but there is also some people that are less lucky than me.i do have everything already just that i wanted more because the greed in my heart grow whenever i saw all these whatever stuff.sometimes i hope that i be very grateful with what i have.

but still i still feeling emo.i really want to own all that stuff.*big sigh*

so.despite all my emo-ness,, i want to do a wardobe makeover and blair waldorf stared by leighton meester from Gossip Girls will be my fashion icon.haha.i really like her dressing and everything.she is like classic elegant.some pics of her.

nice right.haha.but i know no way that i can become like her.i don't have the clothes that she wears,, or body that she's having or the classic elegant look.

so im still emo!this is not getting anywhere isn't it.so i just end my this stupid bladdy post right here.

*end*

midnight post

2009-05-22T02:39:00.003+08:00

dear bloggie,,

hmm.i know its 2 something in the morning and im blogging.not that im like sleeping late and ecxited blogging because i just got back the internet connection.but its because i cant sleep.i don't know why.even before this when there is no internet connection i would like sleep around 5.i went to bed earlier but my eyes and brain dont get along.my brain told my eyes to sleep but my eyes wouldn't litsen.haha.whatever.crappy.so just now i went to the pictures folder to find some pics to wash tomorrow.but i can find any nice pics of me with friends togethr.and i also realised that we took so little pics only.haar.

hmm.lets see what crap that i missed out to blog.ermmmm.

ohh.first of all.i got uniten offer letter already.im like so happy because now when people ask me where and what am i going to study i can answer them.not like errr.i don't know.

can't really remember much la.i just stayed at home only.so what any speacial or nice thing could happen.

hmm.tuesday i went to the hotel to take my miserable rm32 after so long.like almost two months.after taking the money i went to the cafe and meet the abang and kakak.i saw kak nurul from the outside then i try to give signal at her she didn't notice me.but i don't want to enter the cafe first because i saw saifuddin.i wait for he to walked away first only i enter in.so i enter in suddenly everyone at the front counter like very exicted to see me.haha.at first i don't feel like seeing them because i scared there might no people want to layan me.kak nurul is like so happy to see me.she's like "grace,, da lame x jumpa tau.tadi kat tempat rokok baru je akak cakap tentang grace dengan steve". then im like haa.yerr.she still remember me and bother to talk about me.haha.i thought everyone would forget about me.then,, suddenly thiban came.for the first time,, he greet me with smile.haha.kak ayu also with steve and abang hamid.so chit chat for a while with them.they keep on said that i already fat.:( truth hurts.haha.so i chat with kak nurul la.suddenly i feel very missed her and remember all the moments.she is like a big sis to me.she like very menjaga me only.like last time i broke something then my face like very scared and worried because i scared the saifuddin would scold me but then the kak nurul said "jangan lah bimbang.kalau ada pape akak akan cover up untuk grace".then she also always assign me the easy easy duty at cafe.haha.i really missed her.she is like the oldest person who i got really good chemistry with.she is also like the person that i can talk anything with.like even she is adult she also like bother to listen to all my highschool's craps.haha.so she invited me to her wedding.and now i have to think what to give her during her wedding.maybe i would make a bog special card for her.i don't know.then i also chat with thiban.he is also one of the oldest people that i can along with very well.we like also got very good chemistry.but he got very hot temper.very irritating.he's like very easy melenting.i kind of miss him also.didn't talk much to the rest.oh yea.i also got new part time job from the hotel.its with banquet.the guy like ask me u are not working with cafe already r?work with banquet la.we will call u next week.i don't know whether they will call anot but i hope so.because i really need money now.plus the banquet also offer good pays.rm5 per hour.

so nothing much this week.going out tomorrow with lawr.haha.cant wait because very long didn't go to midv.i miss midv so much.haha.i also miss my BFF.HAHAHA.

*end*