I HA TE T HIS STU PI D LI FE !!!!!!

dear bloggie,,

im feeling like a shit right now.my life is like a shit.i don't know how to appreciate my life if my life is like a shit.i have dreams but my dreams won't come true because of my un-supportive parents and all those people who discriminate girls.i wanted to become a pilot but i can't.because im POOR.i don't know what i want besides being a pilot.civil engineer???im kind of ok ok but then i don't know.i really hate this stupid stage of life.before this everything seems so easy and simple.but now we have to decide our future.no i cannot decide my own future i have to follow what mummy WANTS FOR MY FUTURE.i really want to run away to somewhere where there is no people bothering me and be alone peacefully.i really can't stand all these pressure and conflicts in my heart.yeayea i know what u all thinks.u all sure think im some kind of freaks yang sengaja cari masalah hati.well im not,, all those thing just pop up out of no where and bother my heart and mind.then this mummy keep on forcing me to do form 6.i know i x mampu wan la want to do stpm.no matter how many times i tell her she doesn't care.she very selfish.she only KNOW bout what she want for us but she never think what we want for ourselves.i really hate her right now.i really need someone to talk to from heart to heart but there seems like no one understand how i feel or what.i really feel like giving up studying because it really menyusahkan.why just can't just start work only??we study just to get a better job only right.i feel that my head is going to burst la..maybe i should just,, i don't know.my life is a piece of shit and i don't know what is the meaning and point of life.yea yea i know i must appreciate life because life is a wonderful thing and we only get to live life once but then how am i suppose to appreciate my life when my life is a piece of shit!!


okok.after all these conflicts in my heart,, i finally think maybe life isn't that hard or what.maybe i should just follow what my mummy say study the damn form 6.but then i don't know.im not sure.i really hope there's a someone save me from all these thing or help me make my wish come true.or maybe this is it just study form6 to make everything easier.easier for mummy but is it easier for me.it maybe easier for my life but this is not what i want.but everything is solve if i just study the damn form6.but i don't know la.just please someone help me...*big sigh*. i don't know la.

i just hope i won't regret in the end.i don't want to live my life regret -ing.

IM FEELING HOPELESS AND HELPLESS!

*end*

Y E A !!!!

dear bloggie,

like finaallly!!!i got back the internet connection and the computer is fixed already.like don't know for how long the computer is left spoilt.then when the computer is fixed the phone line is cut.stupid right.but whatever la.the internet and the computer is back like old time.can download lots of songs bloggg lots of craps chat online disturb people online.haha.now i don't need to beg law to see his hp to curi his song.then he will like irritating "cannot la.i tell u la what song i have".don't know why is he like so secretive.whatever la law!!!i can download songs already.hahahahaha.like he care la.

yeayea i can online back like usual.

i can blog
i can download lots of song
i can chat online
and now i must find all those stupid scholarship crap.this is why mummy and papa fast fast get back the internet connection.to make me more convenient to find all those scholarship.

haihhh.
all those scholarship really give me a headache la.da la very hard to find then when find already don't know come what crap la.very irritating la.

happy and annoyed at the same time

*end*

H AT E NO O NE BU T MY S EL F

dear bloggie,,

now i really feel like a shit.seriously.i don't know what can make me feel better.my life is sucks.totally sucks.i really hate my life.im not happy with my life.i don't feel good being myself like other people feel good being themselves.i don't know what can make me feel better.the stupider thing is im like emo-ing at puipui house while she is sleepina.isn't that weird and very stupid!!.like some kind of freak.but seriously i really feel like a shit.

im very super jealous with everyone.

everyone is happy being themselves.they are like have no conflicts in themselves like me which always have conflict in myself.

im like bloody hate myself like hell for no reason.

no there's lots of reasons why i hate myself

1.i have short legs!i finally realized that im short because my legs are short.my legs are like only 65cm i guess.i don't know but something like around 60 to 70 cm..
2.i look like a pig!im not pretty like everyone else.i don't take nice photo.all my pics are like super ugly and i have to edit my pics to cover it.even after edit,, my pics still look UGLY
3.i speak stupid english.i don't even think that im speakina english.my english is like super teruk.right??.u can read it from my blog.i've been speaking english my whole life.but i still i speaking broken english.
4.im not happy from the inside.i don't know why
5.im dumb
6.i don't feel good bout myself
7.i actually have an evil heart
8.im fat
9.i wanted to be a pilot but im poor
10.i like to talk big
11.im not grateful with the thing i have.i wish i could really appreciate with what i have
12.i think im kind of hippo-crite
13.i think im a person who likes to pretend.pretendious me
14.my brain hard to interpret the things or changes around me
15.i think i always try to hard to make people like me???
16.i hate the fact i hate myself
17.im no one to people
18.i don't look at the bright side of something but always look at the bad side of something
19.i don't have a forgiving heart
20.my life is like super pathetic
21.i always regret with decision i made.i hate to regret.the feeling sucks
22.i spend every each of my hard earned money on nothing and then regret about it
23.im a stupid spender
24.im selfish
25.i hate that im always disapoint people especially myself
26.im a failure


is there anyway i could be a better person.i don't feel proud of myself at all seriously.i really wish i could be a person that im proud being and not regret with everything that happened in my life.please someone save me.is there anyone could understand what i feel right now.

IM A BIG FAT LOSER WITH SHORT LEGS!

*end*

MY FU TUR E IS IN T HE MI DDL E OF O W AY !!!

dear bloggie,,

haihhhhhh,,i just got my spm result.i don't whether my result is good or what.at first i was kind of happy and like yeahhhhhhhhh!!then suddenly i like think good meh my result??now spm result is out and i have to start decide what am i going to study now!!i really don't have any clue about what i want to study at all laaaaaa.ok im interested in few courses.first,, of course piloting! second maybe hotel management.but all the other people like "haaa u reallly wana do hotel management r??"then when im like very sure they like think i like don't know what crap is that didn't take it seriously or what.third is engineering.i want to do civil engineering because people say can make lots of $$$$.hehe.i don't know yet la.then i have to find scholarship now.my result also not to say very good or geng or what.how la i want to compete wit other people who have much better and nicer results than me??.i don't know la.
if i know my result will be like this i will definitely get my fat ass to work hard for study.
but when i think back of my result i somehow feel kind of proud.it's because i didn't like take proper exam before the whole year last year.during mac test im always busy with the bm pidato competition then didn't manage to take don't know what paper and didn't study properly.then my midyear exam.hahhahahaha.i was suspended from school for 2 weeks durina the exam.then dala kena suspended didn't study at home justrest fat ass on the chair online durina my free time.stupid right.then when trial is comina i only like start studying for 2 weeks before exam.my ea all i like didn't study at all.didn't really start.just like take the mac test then like lupakan forever.haha.whatever la.


its already past la.can't turn back the clock.(so weird wan my english,haha)
haihhhh i really la don't know lavwant to study what.
if la piloting is not that expensive i will definitely chose to study piloting.
but.....







ok la for now.i just want to rest my mind and soul only start thinking.

hahahahaha

*end*