it's gorgor birthday

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY
BOON CHUAN GOR GOR !!!!

sorry because i didnt give u any suprise. i really feel like adik yang tak guna. im so sorry !!!

hope that u enjoy your 18th birthday and get whatever u had wished.

i will be giving your present later. the longer u wait the bigger the present. sorry for keeping u waiting long. kind of broke right now. im sorry that i didnt give u any suprise. hope that u enjoyed your 18th birthday. =)

hope that u are happy always and come no matter what, u will get through it. =)

u see. im writing in blue. u like blue color right? ngekngekngek. ;p

=(

dear bloggie,,

i hate when this is always happening.

when u thought u have everything in the world and start feeling very grateful of it, then suddenly everything starts to disappear and u left with nothing.

when u thought u' re already on top of the world, come whatever and no matter whatever circumstances, u will manage to overcome it but then something far more worst than u expected come crushing u just like that making u feel like a big fat loser and failure and u feel like giving up only.

when u are feeling down, there is nothing u can do besides be patient, strong and keep telling yourself that
everything is going to be fine, but then u waited and waited but there is nothing happen and things just get even more worst.

when u try to be strong but there is nothing helpful and u feel so hopeless and alone.

when u thought someone got your back, then come no matter what, u know that the person will always have your back but then suddenly the one person just started missing like that. and when u feeling down, the person is not there for u anymore.

when u think that u are happy but actually deep deep in your heart u know that u are actually very unhappy.

when every night u try to sleep, but then when u cant sleep u start to think of unhappy things and u start to cry yourself to sleep.

when u feel like u love the person so much, but then the person put u down.

when u hate to be emo and try to stop being emo but u cant because u let the feeling get over yourself.

yea, i know that this post is very emo. but this what i really felt right now. and i feel like crying when im blogging about this. i really miss u and u. where are u? why u guys no more longer be with me like how u always do. i really need your support now. im feeling down to the maximum already. nearly thinking of dying already. if u know who u are, i hope u know how i feel now and i really NEED u right now especially NOW.

*end*

pet society is fun

dear bloggie,,

i like to play pet society very muchie right now and im obsess with my own pet. her name is aggy and i dont know what she should be. whether a cat or dog or a cute bear. i dont know. i have no idea. i just created her and she is pink in color. and if u know me well, im like kind of into pink color stuff.

now im back to uniten already its like kind of hard to play pet society here because the internet connection here very slow. so i cannot play pet society here. and my aggy is very broke. i dont how should i earn more coins. what i normally do to earn more coins are like doing the tasks, playing ball, skipping rope and throwing frisbee. how am i supposed to earn more money beside all these?. i want to buy more fancy pink color stuff, furniture and clothes for aggy. when i see other pets houses and clothing are nicer, i feel jealous.

okok. some pics of aggy from pet society album. im like rajin take her pics. i dont know why. hehe.















i also like to pics of her especially when she is falling down. haha. evil owner. shee looks very cute. i feel like squeezing and pinching her la. the way she giggle is also very cute.

my aggy is so cute =)

*end*

stuff that i need to let it out loud

dear bloggie,,

every time when i wanted to post something i dont what title i should write. again. this is just another crap. what title i should write. i used crappy post title alot of time so i had to think something new. but i dont know. fuck the title la. can i just left it blank. no. the post will be nicer with a title. whatever, i'll figure it out later.

ok. lets see. i've been feeling so moody nowadays. not that im feeling mad at someone or someone make me moody. i dont know, the feeling is just there. i think i know why. its because i have depression. i think i depreesed myself too much but i cant stop because all the voices in my brain. yea, i know. i sound like a pesakit yang baru larikan diri dari hospital sakit jiwa. but i dont know why i feel so moody nowadays. i let everything get over me so easily like today, just because i wanting to squeez all meiyi's blackhead from her face, but she doesnt want me to, then im like merajuk with her nak balik uniten tonight. she always got this kind of tak sampai hati feeling whenever im going back to uniten so im using that against her. but then i tak jadi wana go back tonight because big sis is using the car tonight. so maybe, im going back tomorrow night. i dont know. well depends la. maybe later tomorrow morning after wake up from sleep, i forget about everything already. i dont know. but actually somehow i dont know why i really cant wait to get back to uniten. i miss my hostel so much. i dont know why. and i've bought tikar plastic to put in the hall so that afternoon i can sleep in the hall, and i bought lots of foods already and i cant wait to put it to the kitchen cupboard and i dont know what else. im also kind of miss my housemates. i cant wait to see them. subulee, ningning and da pei gu a.k. fuibuiling ! HAHA. i dont know why i like to call fuiling names but i like. i called her ahbui, ling ling, da pei gu and pat po. i cant remember of what any name i call her already.and i called her boyfriend ahlong and i claim that her boyfriend is working ahlong. omg. i miss her so much. i miss my second family.

actually i wanted to go back to uniten beacuse i want to have sometime being alone. i dont know why is my brain feel so disturbed and feeling moody all the time. thats why, i want to find some peace by being alone like all by myself and no one else.

now im having a very big self conflict in me that is my weight problem. im so hating my body. now i look like human yangtidak boleh dikenalpasti whether im a girl or boy because of my mohawk hairstyle but then when u see my boobs u will know that im a girl who is tomboy which IM NOT. i just happen to like to cut short hair only. thats all. i dont know why during holidays i always tend to cut hair.especially when i see aggy.okok. enough with the hair issue. now im a girl who have very short hair, maybe i look almost bald from my side, super chubby face like pear shape, big boobs, obnoxious things yang sangat berlemak, short legs and tiny feets. what else do i miss. nothing already?. im only 156cm u see. i always think that when im growing taller, my body will look fine but until now i have waited, i still didnt grow any taller. so i give up on my height. instead of hoping to grow taller, better i go slim myself down. currently i weigh 53 kg already. last time i weigh 50 kg when im working. i want to slim down to 45 kg if i manage la. if i dont 48 is also enough. wow, i need slim down 5 kg arhh ? haiyo need to put in alot of work la. how wana diet la?. the food at uniten is so friggin unhealthy. i think starting monday, i will be eating maggi or spaghetti only. no more outside foods already. then i also can save my money. haiya. i say only because when after class i will be like so super hungry like orang tak makan for 5 days and cant wait to get home to eat then i will go coe foodcourt and attack all the gerai there. how ? if i want to get back to home to eat i have to wait till two. if i dont wait to get back to home, i will eat at 11 because i have an hour break at 11. how la. can tahan meh till two ? i dont know. maybe can gua. orhh lunch eat outside dinner just eat maggi. cannot la. not intensive enough la my diet. im trying to cut down 5 kg from my weight. haiyaya.

im so dead la now. physics test is on monday night. its like another 3 days more from now. i still havent study chapter 9 and 10 finish yet. i dont know why am i like kind of lazy to study these two chapters. i've been dragging to start studying chapter 9 since the pass three days. i dont know why. these two chapters la is the hardest. dah tahu hard start la study hard on this chapter. then when during exam cannot answer question, balik rumah emo sampai nak separuh mati. very stupid la me. dont know how to priotise things sometime.

okok. i have done crapping here. back to my physics study now.
bye.

fuck today

dear bloggie,,

im so lazy want to blog nowadays. i got lots in my mind that i need to pour out but i cant because im too busy either with my physics study or onlining siang siang hari entah buat pape. if im not studying i will be out somewhere la with mum. im not allowed to go out with friends because mummy said i spend too much already. she is like really really angry whenever i talk about money so i dont dare to argue with her about going out. dala if go out also need to ask money again, then she will be more furious la. like today, i just said i wana cut hair only then she like haaa. spend money again !!!! so im only allowed to go out when she is going somewhere. better la. can spend money at the same time without asking her money.

haiyo. today is a stupid day. lets see why. morning i woke with uneasy feelings. then i see mummy and papa are not in good mood then my mood also spoiled because i will be going with them later but then their mood like that also dont feel like going out. if not because i need to print out my cmpf assingment and buy cd i will definitely wont be going out. then later when having lunch at somewhere i mistakenly take pork because i thought it was chicken. then papa like looked at me so angrily because pork and chicken pun tak tahu nak differentiate ke ahmoi !!! haiyoyo. then im like so panicked because once taken already u cannot put it back. then lucky mummy and meiyi saved me. they help me to eat the bloody pork la and i went to order chow kuey teow because mummy dont want to help me to order and she asked me to order it myself. she said im big enough and need to learn how to survive at chinese people world where all the chinese only speak chinese. then im budak bangan gila sial tak guna mother language pun tak tahu nak cakap like terhegeh hegeh trying to tell the guy that i want char kuey teow only put kuey teow. that guy like give me a weird look and said okok. then suddenly he come to me he give me bungkus char kuey teow. that make papa even more irritated with me. then this meiyi suddenly like make my life harder suddenly say wana cut hair then suddenly say dont want cut. then im like haiyo want cut just cut only la. think so much for what. then finally she cut it lor. then i also get my mohawk haircut and i feel happy about it. i've been wanting mohawk haircut for so long but i didnt dare to cut it because of some particular reasons like i scared my face look too fat or i wanted to keep long hair back and whatsoever la. finally i fuck all these reasons and just go ahead to cut mohawk ! and im liking so very muchie. why didnt i cut it a long time ago.

then when im back home i took a nap because i slept last night of studying physics and woke early this morning. then when i woke up from sleep big sis is like so irritating and i dont know what is her damn problem like tiba tiba je. then im like so hating her in my heart and pergi makan hati sorang sorang kat bilik. when already 6 i came out to watch chinese drama. then went out for dinner at sg.chua. ate till like so bloody full and i feel like vomiting. but i cant and i had to force myself to eat finish because if not all the food will be wasted.

then just now im like makan hati alone again because cant get to use the internet again. then i finally protest and i get to use it then when im using it happily, tiba tiba ada orang bangan sial gila nak mampus suddenly spoil my mood. the people punya perangai macam cibai betul la. im so pissed right now.

and im also pissed because i didnt chat with my orang sial at all today. like everyday we will talk to each other. where is my orang sial ni ??

i dont know why am i tend to speak malay and i dont know why i feel so irritated when there is unknown people left me message at my chatbox padahal my closed one yang hari hari datang see me emo pun tak bother left some message to ask me to cheer up except boon chuan. u all semua tak guna la. no offense here but seriously la. and i really really hate to see unknown people left me message at my chatbox. i dont know why. i do want more people to come to my blog but then when some unknown people left me message i feel so annoyed. why huhh ?? im so bloody weird la. even me myself dont get what i want sometimes.

haiyo whatever la.im so pissing. where is my orang sial ??!!.

useless me !!!

im a useless selfish brat who only think of my needs and always prioritized myself first.

omg.im turning into a shopaholic !

outing on sunday, 20 09 09

not much pics taken la.

i miss out taking pics with pui, sokeyinyin, pohtengteng and pingping also. HAIYA !!

to be continue....

im so bloody moody right now, can someone please kill me

dear bloggie,,

i feel so bloody moody right now. i feel like everything in front of me is pissing me like really make me feel so pissed. my mood to shop tomorrow already ruined. then when i try to talk to other people, its ot helping. somehow, they make me feel more pissed and i feel bad for feeling pissed at them. haiyaya. why is this happening. pms is it ? i also dont know la. out of no where only feel like that. maybe because i feel like kind of stressed because i really try my very best to study physics somehow, i dont get what is it trying to say. then i feel like so sleepy and i really wanting to sleep but i cant, its still early la. haiyoo. i really feel moody right now. nothing can make me feel bettter even talking to him also doesnt help. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

haiya whatever la. since evrything is not helping better i go and sleep only la now and get rady for tomorrow. tomorrow will be a nice day to shop but go no sale already le. well not sure about that but i dont think so got. whatever, i still feel bloody moody. why la why la why la why la. i dont know la. haiyo mama. im so moody till i feel like i dont know ...

ok bye. u are so not helping also. the feelings are still there !

holiday !

dear bloggie,

raya holiday has officially started for me starting this moment thursday, 3.18 pm.

but however, i dont really feel that thrill also. i got physics test 2 just right at the first day after the raya holiday ends. then, its at night pulak tu. like so not in the mood to test la. haiya. why la these people so clever pick such a wonderful time for test la. then its physics some more , if calculus also kind of relieved. i did really really badly in physics test 1. i dont know la whether the problem is me or what. because the questions memang susah tahap cibai. ok la. i think its both la. its me and the questions memang hard. other people can do so why i cannot do la. i dont know la. rally hard la all these studies. so freaking pressuring me. i hardly can relax already nowadays, my heart always thumping very fast when i think about physics test 2, physics common lab test and FINAL EXAM...

like omg. all these cannot give me a break for a while r ? like suddenly all come rushing to me like tsunami. i like tengah lewa relaxing like suddenly get shock and my artery wana pecah already i think because of the pressure is too high.

i dont feel like in holiday mood because after holiday, there will be physics test 2, then after that during holiday, i wont be in the mood of studying. then its holiday, i want to go out, but my poket tengah kering la. mummy wouldnt give me money to go out. plus, i will be sleeping all day long at home as i cannot really get my sleep at uniten. then, not able to see him for a week =(

haiyo why all these come at the wrong timing la. with my inner conflict pulak tu yang semakin hari semakin complicated. i cannot see how am i gonna survive by going through all these conflicts and pressure cause by studies.

someone save me. i know who can save me. he's like the only one who can help me in my studies and also my inner conflicts. somehow, i only willing to tell him everything and i will feel better after talking to him. i also dont know why, but he is also like my pemangkin semangat to study. can i bring him home with me during this holiday please ?

haiyo. haiyo. instead of haiyo - ing better i start to clean my room for a better environment to study for test and final exam. and also, i dont know why my room feel so congested la. like my mind. no la. i think my mind is more congested.

good part of the holiday is, getting far away from people who make me so arghhhhh, escaping from whatever problem, mind and soul cleansing and meeting all my FRIENDS. miss u all so muchie !!

a week at home, 24/7 access to the internet connection because big sis went to phuket already. so got no people berebut with me for the internet !!!!! =)

yea yea. whatever. start cleaning your room la.

*end*

oh NO !!!!!

dear bloggie,,

im so hating it when this always happen. u see usee. AGAIN ! when u always notice soething or feel good about something then suddenly everything will just suddenly disappear *pooff* just like that.

yesterday, i just feel so happy, and everything all, in short word, good mood, then somehow today im feeling so arghhhhhhh !!! why is this always happenning la. haiyo. then i really try my very best to look at things positively, somehow, something really irritates me !!!

why is this happening ? ok la. maybe i should just spend more time with myself. haihh. i feel like so long that i didnt crap with people like one whole day long. i feel that im so alone here. i wanting to share something but there is like no one to share with. i want to talk about him, and smile the whole day, then talk about well, gossips and stuff like that la. haiyo. suddenly, im so missing po. po where are u ? well actually im like bitching with her right now about someone that really get onto my nerve today. if can i feel like giving a big slap to that people la. so bloody annoying !!!! never mind la. holidays is coming. its time to clear my mind and soul. well, i guess that maybe escaping for one whole sunday afternoon isnt enough.

but got no time to escape la. need to study for physics test 2 and physcis common lab test.

ok la. whatsoever la. this isnt going anywhere. i just go and bitch at my private blog now. i didnt blog my private blog for ages already now.

what an annoying day !

:)

dear bloggie,,

thank goodness im feeling kind of great the beginning of this week. last week, my mind is always occupied by something and i feel moody, down and confused. i feel like my mind is clearer this week. i didnt feel like my mind is that occupied by something like last week. i feel like kind of relax this week. unlike last week, i feel so stress because of calculus test 2 then with some inner conflict. im so worry that i would do badly again in my test 2. so i study like hell, get all the help that i can get from people.

thank u sonny and boon chuan for your help in my calculus study !!

today i feel like kind of happy. i finally start to let go something and try to look at things at different perspective and i feel relieved. i have my own space now. i dont go bugging other people in my life and stop depending much on other people already. then,im like spending much time chatting with someone. i dont understand where do we stand now. its like kind of confusing. we like always spend so much times chatting with each other either through fb or sms. then, i dont know, we like kind of can talk about almost everything and have good chemistry. and i like sometimes that he really like make me laugh although the thing he said is really stupid or doesnt make sense and somehow, really menyakitkan hati. i dont know. i wonder how does this work. maybe my feeling for him is just i dont know. maybe because we like always chatting with each other then i like feel what. haiya ! i dont know how to describe la ! its so confusing. we do always chat with each other always, then when i think i know him, but actually the truth, i dont know him at all. he is like totally different form what i thought. well, not that different. i dont know la. im just suprised that ... haiya. i dont how to say la. well, humans are unpredictable.

ok so what am i trying to say is i think im falling for someone who really really got chemistry with me for the first time but somehow, i dont know how is it suppose to work. although we have the chemistry, i think that we both are from different world.. but i think i never felt for someone like this before.like really really everything can talk about, then dont need to worry or think twice before talking.dont bother whether i look like a fool or what. haiyo. all these things la. i dont know how to talk about this la. like so .... i dont know but yet confused ! and i really wonder and thinking hard what is his feeling actually, what he has been feeling about all these things. so confusing !!!

im very happy yesterday and today. well, its just the beginning of the week. so i cannot predict what will happen the next day. but i hope that evrything will be fine in this week. i suddenly like get a new breath after thinking and escaping form everything last sunday afternoon. i suddenly think about everything throughly and i cannot find any solution. maybe there its no solution for every conflict im having. i just need to look at things form the positive side because there is nothing much i can do. so instead of emoing and make my face get lots of wrinkles at such a young age, better i take a deep breath, close my eyes and think how grateful i am in this world. dont need to make my brain more pressure and heavy for keeping too much nonsense things inside.

i dont know why, but suddenly i feel like i got new breath. i dont know how to say this. i feel the burden i have been carrying suddenly lifted away from my shoulder. i feel like healthier and happier already but however, i still feel that im a fat biatch ! hehe. i want to start exercising but i dont how am i suppose to do, i also dont have the time.

i think i have done crapping already.

k. bye.

*end*

i felt like a big bully

dear bloggie,,

i have done something wrong and now my loved is hurt. i feel like a big bully. my actions and words make someone heart broken now. i dont feel nice at all. i wish i can take it back what i had say or done. i rather hide and keep all these nonsense all to myself and makan hati sendiri rather than i felt bette a bit after letting it out and see other people start to feel miserable. why cant i just do that. whhat is the wrong with me la ?. cannot think before doing something. well. actually i never thought things could turn out like that. im just wana tell how i feel and let it out. but now, i rather hide and keep all these feelings to myself as i see no point of doing this and only see other people get hurt. its not nice to see someone we love feel sad because of our words or actions. omg. things are getting more complicated right now. i wish i could think twice before doing something now. now, i can never take back what had happen and it will gonna haunt me my whole life. see. again. i make things get even worse and now it will get more complicated. haiyo. sometimes can i just keep everything to myself for once. evrything also must tell out loud. there is no harm for keeping everything to yourself wan la? i feel so pissed and annoyed with myself. i really feel ............. arghhhhhhhh.

if la i can take back everything of i have done, be more open minded and think things from other perspective, and also get my ownlife ! stop depending on the others too much already.i cannot die if im alone so why am i so scared to be alone. i still have the others with me. just that i always seems to forget that.

now what i have done, i will never can take it back, i just have to live wit it and try to fix it back altough i dont know how.

somehow, when i feel something is broken, we will never get to fix it back.when we fix it back, it will never get to be the same. i wish i never break that something.

ok la. i think i should stop here before i crap something that over the border line.

*end*

i think im crazy already

dear bloggie,,

right now, i have so much in my head. i dont know why i cannot stop thinking and i even bring my thinking to my sleep. that's why i always get lots of weird stupid dreams and i dont sleep well or get enough sleep.

the 'revolution' that i set for myself didnt seems to work. i like cakap je melebih but i didnt do anything. im so angry, devastated and disappointed with myself.(haha).nowadays i have lots of thoughts in my mind and all these thoughts make me feel like going crazy. and everyone this week seems to get on my nerve always. i feel like the world is against me. i dont know why i feel like that. it's a weird feeling. then when i get back home, i suddenly feel relieved and big burden has been taken off from my shoulder. this whole conflict thing seem complicated right because it is and me myself actually dont know what is happening inside myself.

ok. i dont know why is it like that but there is something bothering me for so long but i didnt let it out loud to anyone or my blog like i always do. i really wonder why do i feel like that. im not supposed to feel like that. i so hate the facts that i cannot control my own feelings and no one there to listen or help me. i feel like so alone !! everyone always think that im happy, easy outgoing person but actually that is a show that i always to put everyday so that no one would know what am i thinking or feeling inside me. and it also like an escape for me so that i would not whine up alone myself thinking about whatever stupid thoughts in my bloody brain yang suka fikir yang bukan bukan. arghhhh. now i hate thinking. last time i think thinking is good for me because it makes me aware of my surrounding and look things at different perspective. however my habit of thinking has gone over the borderline. now i think about every single stupid tiny tiny thing. i dont know why i always let stupid stupid tiny thing to get over myself. see now what happen. suffering inside and all these stupid thoughts are killing me slowly inside me.

i wonder, why on earth we cant control our thinking ??!!!!! why why why why why why why why huhh ??!!! thinking suppose to be good but now, i think excessively and it has to be stopped. it makes me feel like going crazy !!! i wanted all those stupid tiny voices to get out from my head. all those stupid voices make everything that is very simple become complicated. arghhh. i think the way of my thinking is harming me and its killing me slowly !!!!

omg! i think there is something wrong with me !!

HELP !!

arghhhhhhhhhhh.

im done here.i give up.this not going anywhere.it will always stay in my mind.i just have to pray hard to find my inner peace and then die peacefully.

*end*

suddenly feel the urge to blog

dear bloggie,,

yesterday i slept at 5 because of calculus then i woke up at 9.i dont know why i cant sleep long.its like a habit already to wake up early no matter what time i sleep.i think i have sleeping disorder.i tend to feel tired easily every single day no matter its weekend or weekdays.i dont know why.when i try to put myself to sleep longer but i cannot.then when i take nap, after nap i will feel extra tired and drowsy.then when i am trying to get my beauty sleep, i will always be having very very weird dreams.and all these dreams really bother my sleep.i wonder how to stop having dream while we are sleeping.is there anything wrong with me ? i never ever didnt dream before when im sleeping except when im really really tired.

but when i cant sleep, i try to study calculus, but when im studying i feel tired.how la ?i feel so irritated and annoyed by my own body system here !

i so hate my body right now.i have big boobs, short legs, fat obnoxious thighs, big tummy and small feet.im so hating it !.i want to diet and i will start exercise excessively.im so determined already.everyone said that i look rounder after i enter uniten.ohh.the food at uniten is making me fat !i also have eating disorder and i dont know how to adjust my eating timing.

haih.i feel that my life is so unorganized and unhealthy right now.my eating habit is so unhealthy.i dont take breakfast,even if i do, i will be like eating only two pieces of sesame biscuits on my way to physics class.then i usually take my lunch or brunch at 11.but on wed i will take my lunch on 2 because i have no break at 11.then i will usually have rice, a fried chicken and some vegetables.i like kind to used with this meal.i feel so lazy want to think what to eat.then, around 8 something like that or maybe sometimes earlier, depends la on my housemates mood, we will go to upten for dinner.then when im like over-hungry, because i ate at 11, i will have heavy food, then when i go home, i went to bed with overloaded stomach because i eat unconsciously because im like too hungry.very unhealthy right.

somebody help me!!
please tell me how a healthy lifestyle should be !

*end*

i see too many break ups lately

dear bloggie,,

lately, i see too many break ups.i dont why am i bother to blog about this but somehow other people break ups make me think.yea, i know its none of my business but i dont know why is it bothering me.i cannot help myself but keep on wondering the reasons WHY ? do people break up.

seriously, i really wonder why do people break up.i wonder if these two people were madly in love before, why do they will do some other bad things that hurt each other feelings? if they love someone, wouldnt they take care of each other feelings and try to pleased the other and make the other feel like the happier person on earth.i wonder how this can happen if these two people were madly in love with each other before.

and when they break up, why do they hate each other or why do they seems to forget about the other so fast.i mean like the person has been like the other person life before right, like their life only about them and they spend like entire day thinking of their loved one and will put a wide smile on their face when they think of them.so i wonder why is it in such a short time, they will forget everything about that and hate each other.if like that, why would they want to be together at the first place, isnt it seems pointless.i really dont understand this and how should this couple thing should work.and i feel its like kind of risky because we are like risking our heart and feelings.

i dont know why am i bother to blog about this.but i see too many break ups lately and i cannot help myself but wonder why ?

yea la.i know la.this post seems pointless.just want to escaped for a while from my calculus study. (wink)

im kind of glad that im single.and break ups make me scared of relationship.i dont feel like getting in it because i only get to see no good from it.and i feel guys are stupid.no offense here.not i mean like guys are stupid stupid like that.i mean like when they are in love with someone else, they are stupid because they tend to do stupid things like taking their loved one for granted, cheating on their loved one or do stupid stuff that hurt their loved one feelings.and they never appreciate their loved one.if they do, they are so minor only.i only always get to see girl get hurts while the guy like so normal teruskan their life like normal padahal they just break someone heart.

ok la.need to study calculus back.

*end*

random post on a nice day

dear bloggie,,

i have a good mood today.after blogging i would start study calculus and would not be online for the rest of the day i think. i dont know.depends la.but i determined to study calculus finish today.then if still got time, i want to study computing skill for the lab test.if tak sempat then another day la.actually, i dont what the lab test is all about and what need to study.

so this week is quite another hectic week for me.i dont know why.but i feel very tired this week.went back to uniten on monday, go class on tues as usual.but after class at 2 went to midV with subulee to find patrick's present.then reach home around 8 like that.skipped computing class.then on wed go class as usual.after that went to library to study calculus with narin and ning.then went to coe food court then went home.i skipped physics tutorial class.then thurs, go class as usual.during bi, teacher teach response essay. quite fun because we get to express our own point of view or opinion.then after class went to library to study calculus.but the securiyy guard like so bloody mengada dont let me enter in the library because im wearing tights.stupid la.whats wrong with tights la?. i feel like kind of suprise because the security guard know what is actually tights are . HAHA.so have to study at outside the library.went home around 4 like that nap for a while.after that went to patrick's birthday party at bangsar .quite fun.known quite a lot of people also especially boon chuan didi and dick.and im drunk during the party.stupid la me.i dont know why on earth i can drink until im drunk.then im like crap too much about things that i usually dont tell people and i keep on whack people's faces.i wont drink anymore.i promised.i told narin and he said he also always said that when he is drunk but then he still go and drink.the feeling of drunk is not nice.feel so suffered.keep on vomit and your head feels like so heavy.then the next day. thank god that im sober already.but then still feel like kind of drousy a bit.then some more on that day, need to pass up the all dokumen pengesahan and perjanjian to the ptptn officer.then my form like incomplete and the officer like very pissed with me and asked me all sort of questions but i cannot answer because i still feel drowsy and i cannot think well.after everything is done, i feel so glad.quickly went home and packed all my stuff.then wait for mummy and papa to pick me up.after went home i slept the whole afternoon.then when i woke up i only feel that im completely refresh.

so i wouldnt drink again.maybe i will but not till i drunk again la.i also tak sangka that i drink alcohol.i only drink a little during chinese new year.i just feel regret that i crapped too much to the people that i first met.i feel stupid !

so now the big sis's lappie suka sangat buat hal, so maybe i wont be blogging for quite some time.some more i will be having two tests on this coming friday.im so scared.calculus test 2 and computing skill lab test.i hope i will do well in this calculus test 2 after i did so badly in test 1 so i will study my ass off for this calculus test two.but i really dont know what am i suppose to study in computing skill lab test.anyone ?

i hope i will get my own lappie soon.please.i really need my own lappie.i want macbook pro so badly but i dont think i can have it.its expensive.mummy only budget arond rm2k.maybe buying dell or hp compaq.either one la.but most probably choosing hp compaq if got any laptop that suit mummy's budget la.

wait, i wana kecoh about this first.i watch the notebook already THREE times.anyone out there who hasnt watch the notebook, quickly watch.i cried like shit though even i watched it for the third time.the story is really touching la.i dont know what is it in that story make me cried.but i just know the story is really touching.noah love allie like so much even when allie forget him, he will still stay by her side and tell her their love story when they are young every single day.then in the end, they die together.which guy on earth would do like what noah did huhh?i bet that if all the guy's wife in this earth forget about who are them, they definitely give up on their wife and wouldnt bother and care much about their wife.seriously.i think noah is the most wonderful guy and i wish to meet a guy like him.HAHA.but he is only watak rekaan.not real.but i do wonder is there any guy like noah on this earth.

ok la.i want to watch confession of a shopaholic first then start studying calculus.

bye.

im feeling so pissed right now

dear bloggie,,

i feel so pissed right now.i dont know why.its seems like all the tak puas hati feeling in my heart that i have been feeling for quite some times suddenly built up and make me so pissed right now.

ok first of all, no one ever ever take what i said seriously.like mummy and everyone la.i feel so angry about it.what they think i am.a moron.always say things for no reason.they never try to understand and always think that i lead an easy life.come try to be me in a day la.then faced everyone that i hate but i had to pretend that i like them because for the sake of world peace.then have to struggle with what ever things alone and there is no one to help u ! sometimes i feel so alone like there is no one to talk to about all the problems that im having and when even when i said it, they dont seems like understand it.and they think the thing i said is nothing.like i said, no one ever take what i said seriously !

second,, i feel like im being taken granted by everyone.i dont know why i feel like that but i do feel like that.like, i dont know how to explain it .even me, myself dont understand it.but i feel .... i dont know.i cant describe.i feel so confused right now.no i can elobarate much about it here later got conflicts susah la.

thirdly,, i feel that i don have my own freedom of blogging here at my damn bloody own blog ! i scared later what ever thing that i post will make others angry or what padahal sincerely that was what i feel about them.i really really want to blurt all the things what others make me feel like that but cannot !

forthly,, im so geram with this laptop punya usb.suddenly can use, suddenly cannot use.so irritating la !i wonder when only i can get my own lappie.i really want to get my own lappie as soon as possible and bring it to library to study !

fifthly,, i feel so annoyed by everyone,.i feel that i always trying my best to be as good as i can so that i wouldnt like hurt other people feelings but somehow all these people wouldnt do the same to me.i like always i dont know like careful with what i said or what i do so that other wont feel like hurt or what but they wont do the same.i feel like so being taken granted by everyone.if i become a biatch kan to u baru u know.

sixthly, i hate that everyone being so selfish with me padahal i try me very best to be selfless with them !

seventh,i hate that i always think things so complicated but actually they are just very simple things.

eighth, i hate all those voices in my head.i dont know where all these voices come from, but its like 24/7 in my head.like i dont know.all these voices never seems to leave me alone.like when im sleeping i can hear them.i know u guys must be thinking that im going crazy but seriously there is like voices bugging my mind of this and that 24/7.


actually, i dont know what am i crapping here.i just feel like i want to say something that really really bugging me but i cannot do it here.so i better cut all the craps short and study calculus.

i know, im like a psychotic biatch yang suka cari my own masalah hati.but its not like that.its like memang there and i cannot pretend that its no there.

*end*