dear bloggie,,
every time when i wanted to post something i dont what title i should write. again. this is just another crap. what title i should write. i used crappy post title alot of time so i had to think something new. but i dont know. fuck the title la. can i just left it blank. no. the post will be nicer with a title. whatever, i'll figure it out later.
ok. lets see. i've been feeling so moody nowadays. not that im feeling mad at someone or someone make me moody. i dont know, the feeling is just there. i think i know why. its because i have depression. i think i depreesed myself too much but i cant stop because all the voices in my brain. yea, i know. i sound like a pesakit yang baru larikan diri dari hospital sakit jiwa. but i dont know why i feel so moody nowadays. i let everything get over me so easily like today, just because i wanting to squeez all meiyi's blackhead from her face, but she doesnt want me to, then im like merajuk with her nak balik uniten tonight. she always got this kind of tak sampai hati feeling whenever im going back to uniten so im using that against her. but then i tak jadi wana go back tonight because big sis is using the car tonight. so maybe, im going back tomorrow night. i dont know. well depends la. maybe later tomorrow morning after wake up from sleep, i forget about everything already. i dont know. but actually somehow i dont know why i really cant wait to get back to uniten. i miss my hostel so much. i dont know why. and i've bought tikar plastic to put in the hall so that afternoon i can sleep in the hall, and i bought lots of foods already and i cant wait to put it to the kitchen cupboard and i dont know what else. im also kind of miss my housemates. i cant wait to see them. subulee, ningning and da pei gu a.k. fuibuiling ! HAHA. i dont know why i like to call fuiling names but i like. i called her ahbui, ling ling, da pei gu and pat po. i cant remember of what any name i call her already.and i called her boyfriend ahlong and i claim that her boyfriend is working ahlong. omg. i miss her so much. i miss my second family.
actually i wanted to go back to uniten beacuse i want to have sometime being alone. i dont know why is my brain feel so disturbed and feeling moody all the time. thats why, i want to find some peace by being alone like all by myself and no one else.
now im having a very big self conflict in me that is my weight problem. im so hating my body. now i look like human yangtidak boleh dikenalpasti whether im a girl or boy because of my mohawk hairstyle but then when u see my boobs u will know that im a girl who is tomboy which IM NOT. i just happen to like to cut short hair only. thats all. i dont know why during holidays i always tend to cut hair.especially when i see aggy.okok. enough with the hair issue. now im a girl who have very short hair, maybe i look almost bald from my side, super chubby face like pear shape, big boobs, obnoxious things yang sangat berlemak, short legs and tiny feets. what else do i miss. nothing already?. im only 156cm u see. i always think that when im growing taller, my body will look fine but until now i have waited, i still didnt grow any taller. so i give up on my height. instead of hoping to grow taller, better i go slim myself down. currently i weigh 53 kg already. last time i weigh 50 kg when im working. i want to slim down to 45 kg if i manage la. if i dont 48 is also enough. wow, i need slim down 5 kg arhh ? haiyo need to put in alot of work la. how wana diet la?. the food at uniten is so friggin unhealthy. i think starting monday, i will be eating maggi or spaghetti only. no more outside foods already. then i also can save my money. haiya. i say only because when after class i will be like so super hungry like orang tak makan for 5 days and cant wait to get home to eat then i will go coe foodcourt and attack all the gerai there. how ? if i want to get back to home to eat i have to wait till two. if i dont wait to get back to home, i will eat at 11 because i have an hour break at 11. how la. can tahan meh till two ? i dont know. maybe can gua. orhh lunch eat outside dinner just eat maggi. cannot la. not intensive enough la my diet. im trying to cut down 5 kg from my weight. haiyaya.
im so dead la now. physics test is on monday night. its like another 3 days more from now. i still havent study chapter 9 and 10 finish yet. i dont know why am i like kind of lazy to study these two chapters. i've been dragging to start studying chapter 9 since the pass three days. i dont know why. these two chapters la is the hardest. dah tahu hard start la study hard on this chapter. then when during exam cannot answer question, balik rumah emo sampai nak separuh mati. very stupid la me. dont know how to priotise things sometime.
okok. i have done crapping here. back to my physics study now.
bye.
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