dear bloggie,,
since tonight im not in the mood of doing anything so lets stay up late and crap about everything that i want till im out of my breath for typing so long.
ok.i just finish stalking that someone from internet.HAHA.yea i know i sound like a psychotic biatch stalker bahaya tahap maksimum.i dont know why is this someone bother me so much.it take most of my time thinking of this someone, wondering where is this someone, what is this someone doing, who is this someone with now and etc.stupid la me.i hate all these kind of jiwang jiwang feeling.i dont like feeling like this.so not nice wan this feeling.what i got in the end.nothing right.then why dont stop thinking about that someone and i dont know why is it hard to stop thinking what we dont want to think and let the thing get over us.why why why huhh?.i really hate how the way brain think and how the heart feels work.i dont understand how they work together because when my brain like send impulses to my heart to stop thinking about that someone, my heart didnt seems to get it.haiyo.i so hate this feeling.
stop talking about this la.its so not helping also.crap about other thing to distratct my attention from this someone.
ok.so i have found my new interest in music.currently, im like really into electro pop.so, i really like yelle,a french singer and lovers electric.their songs are like very cool and nice.for me la.maybe for some other people yang tak tahu menghayati dont seems to know how to hayati their musics.but i dont understand anything that yelle is singing because its in french but fuck la.her songs are nice.
so, i feel like cutting my hair again.i wana cut my behind short and keep my front long.but there is no people wana fetch me out to cut.im like so irritated la.i wana cut hair only mah, like that also like so hard.so i dont know whether i will get my haircut or not.
i wana start a new revolution for myself.and only i included in my own revolution that is changing myself to a person that im proud to be.there are alot if negativity in myself that i have to shuuu it from myself
firstly, no more bitching and crashing about other people behind people back.
i think i like to bitch and crash people behind their back so very much.i dont know why.but this kind of attitude seems like sudah sebati with my blood already.i shall stop bitching about other people.i dont understand why do i enjoy bitching about other people especially about the people who do no bad to me.i wonder why?if they like do bad to me nak bitch pun bitch la in front of those people.dont la be like so bitchy always bitch about people this and that.and i also dont know why i always bitch about people bad.if people good didnt la pula see me puji puji them sampai nak mati.but if bitch about people bad, bitch sampai the throat kering also never mind.bukannya i get any good from all these what.so stop being a bitch and stop bitching about the others la.what if other people bitch behind my back.angry kan?i rather if the people bitch in front of me.so kalau nak bitch about other people bitch la in front the people and only if the person had do something bad to me.
second, judging people too much.ohh.i think i always judge the people around me 24/7.i never seems to stop judging other people.i dont know why on earth i like to judge people so much.is it because i always think that im better than any person on this earth.i really dont know why but mummy said its because that im too proud of myself and always think that im better than any person on this earth.maybe its true.i always judge how the way people talk to me, their action, personality and everything.then when i judge people, whatever they do or talk make me feel so disturbed and annoyed.if la i dont judge people maybe i will hate people less.because it always seems that i dislike people.i remember telling po that i dislike this person i dislike that person.then she asked me how come u always dont like people wan.HAHA.and i have a very bloody long list names of people that i hate and hating or disliking someone is not a nice feeling because i dont know why.its like when i always have to meet someone i dislike in my life every single day like very i dont know.so why dont i try to like them and stop judging them by their action or whatever.i even sometime let the people that i hate or dislike spoil my day.so maybe less judging people, hating people and disliking people will make my life easier, healthier and happier.
thirdly, i care too much about what people think about me.why on earth la that i bother so much about what people think about me.i dont know why.sometimes i feel like so naked and exposed in front of other people.i feel like im being judge by the others and what if they know the bad that i have done before or all my dark secrets.padan muka lah.suka sangat judge other people now u know how it feels.but seriously, what people think bout me really bothers me.when i like slipped something stupid from my mouth while talking to other people i will like think ohmygosh, now the person must be thinking that im a moron.its not nice thinking like that.always wonder what people will think of me.so starting for now, i will do whatever i want without thinking what people say or think about me.if the people rub it to my face i will just say fuck off la.suke hati orang la.sibuk!
forth, im so selfish.yea im the most self-centered biatch that u ever seen before.seriously i think im so self-centered and always dont bother to care about how the others feel.i always force people into doing something they dont want for my own good sake.i have to learn to be more self less la.but i really dont know how.i shall be more sensitive towards other people feelings and care about my loved more instead of habiskan my life thinking of that someone who i just met.i must be more willing to share my everything and help the others when the others need my help.dont be like errr.this got nothing to do with me so i dont give a damn.
fifth, im a very hot temper biatch.i always scold people for no reason out of sudden.especially when im pms-ing.i always shout at my loved one and make them feel hurts whenever i feel so angry even is not their damn bladdy fault pun.
sixth, showing off.yea i like to show off and i dont know why.maybe because it makes me feel good.i shall learn to be humble.sometimes i feel so jealous with the people that is humble like meiyi.how she be like so down to earth.i really try my very best to be like that but i dont know why somehow my ego dont let me to do that.its like if i got something good show la.not that salah pun.i really wana to be humble.i dont like showing off.
seventh, stop jealousing of the others and start being grateful with everything that i have.i shall stop jealous with other people's life or goods or whatever.if im like so jealous of them why dont i concentrate to be like better than them instead of jealousing them and then go and bitch behind them.yea i shall do like that.
ok.i cant think of any already.hope what i crap just now is what i will do and become in my future life.
ok im feeling sleepy already.
bye.
*end*
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