i think im crazy already

dear bloggie,,

right now, i have so much in my head. i dont know why i cannot stop thinking and i even bring my thinking to my sleep. that's why i always get lots of weird stupid dreams and i dont sleep well or get enough sleep.

the 'revolution' that i set for myself didnt seems to work. i like cakap je melebih but i didnt do anything. im so angry, devastated and disappointed with myself.(haha).nowadays i have lots of thoughts in my mind and all these thoughts make me feel like going crazy. and everyone this week seems to get on my nerve always. i feel like the world is against me. i dont know why i feel like that. it's a weird feeling. then when i get back home, i suddenly feel relieved and big burden has been taken off from my shoulder. this whole conflict thing seem complicated right because it is and me myself actually dont know what is happening inside myself.

ok. i dont know why is it like that but there is something bothering me for so long but i didnt let it out loud to anyone or my blog like i always do. i really wonder why do i feel like that. im not supposed to feel like that. i so hate the facts that i cannot control my own feelings and no one there to listen or help me. i feel like so alone !! everyone always think that im happy, easy outgoing person but actually that is a show that i always to put everyday so that no one would know what am i thinking or feeling inside me. and it also like an escape for me so that i would not whine up alone myself thinking about whatever stupid thoughts in my bloody brain yang suka fikir yang bukan bukan. arghhhh. now i hate thinking. last time i think thinking is good for me because it makes me aware of my surrounding and look things at different perspective. however my habit of thinking has gone over the borderline. now i think about every single stupid tiny tiny thing. i dont know why i always let stupid stupid tiny thing to get over myself. see now what happen. suffering inside and all these stupid thoughts are killing me slowly inside me.

i wonder, why on earth we cant control our thinking ??!!!!! why why why why why why why why huhh ??!!! thinking suppose to be good but now, i think excessively and it has to be stopped. it makes me feel like going crazy !!! i wanted all those stupid tiny voices to get out from my head. all those stupid voices make everything that is very simple become complicated. arghhh. i think the way of my thinking is harming me and its killing me slowly !!!!

omg! i think there is something wrong with me !!

HELP !!

arghhhhhhhhhhh.

im done here.i give up.this not going anywhere.it will always stay in my mind.i just have to pray hard to find my inner peace and then die peacefully.

*end*