IM SO EMO

dear bloggie,,

im feeling so emo right now. i dont know why. i wanted say something but i cant. too private already. but somehow i wanted say it out loud. im so tired of this already. and i wont cry about it any more. its so confusing. im so confuse. i dont know what's in my mind. i feel so lost. i wanted to run and escape from everything but i cant. i have to be strong and face it. im a grown up girl already. no more running away from things and problems.

big sigh. seriously. i really feel emo right now. nothing can make my mood feels better. even IF sulee give me a very big gift from london, nothing gonna change. HAHA. ( hint for u, subulee. HAHA )

18 years of living and i have not accomplished much that I can be proud of. i always think that i grow up too fast but i mature too slow. when u know me, u will know that im a very immature biatch kononnya act independent and baik hati but actually im not. i dont know. im not proud of who i am today. i always do actions that harm and hurt my people surround me. i think i burden people's life too much also. especially my family and friends. there's nothing that i do in the past 18 years make me proud of who i am. im not happy with who i am. im wanting to change but somehow, something held me to be who i am always. i tend to do stupid things and i never seems to get why. my thinking is always impaired at all time. i dont think i appreciate myself and my life like how the others do. i think i've wasted my life. and sometimes, i think i being too selfish till i end up harming myself. i feel like running away from myself. myself is harming me too much already. and i think i gonna be psychotic biatch locked in tanjung rambutan plucking flowers petals saying he loves me, he loves me not. seriously. that's what im imagine right now.

i dont know. im feeling so emo. something make me emo. and i feel stupid. again. my stupidity is shown to the whole world.

u've seen another stupidity from me.

bye.